January Shelter Of Random Facts XLIV

But level-headed people are so rare, aren't they?

And when we're fucked in the head ourselves, what are the chances we're going to end up in a relationship with someone who isn't? In my first marriage I was lucky - God granted me grace beyond what I deserved, considering my inner psychological state. Cuz I was the one who realized I had gotten myself into a relationship I didn't want after all, and asked for a divorce.

What.A.Dweeb.

My first wife ended up with a much better man than me, tho. And I knew she would, and would eventually realize that she was better off without me.

She is now a VP in a world-class insurance company. I feel privileged that she once considered me husband material. Life sometimes has its compensations, if we look for them.

 

Level-headed people are difficult to find within the emotions of a relationship going into the crapper. Feelings can tear a level head right off the shoulders and that's what passion is about.

If you can't manage to pick your head up and position is squarely upon your shoulders after the initial heat of a passionate argument - then you have some problems ahead.

 

Abso-fucking-lutely, Aerianne.

And this is what my spirit guide Deanna has been teaching me for the past ten years. She has incited me to the most intense rages, over and over and over and over, year after year after year...

And yet so far I have not murdered her or committed suicide. It's a tenuous balance, but I credit her ability to take me just to the edge of my endurance without pushing me past it...though sometimes I was sure she was going too far...

So this is my spiritual path in this life. At a certain point, at the age of 45, my life transformed into a battle in some realm of Hell, and has been so for 14 years now. I have had to endure the most intense feelings of rage and fury - and force myself to swallow the shit, over and over and over.

This is one way to learn level-headedness, innit?

 

I think it's a way to learn compassion, for yourself; and when you've mastered that, you can apply it toward others, and there you go - you've achieved level-headedness!!!

 

Compassion, yes. That's part of it. What Deanna once in an email to me referred to as "sacred love." She said she had a good ending for the book I'm writing, and she was going to help me with that ending, and the ending was going to be about "sacred love."

I replied that sacred love meant unconditional love. She answered: "All love is unconditional."

Otherwise it isn't really love, is it? Yeah, I got that little nuance of what she was saying.

 

Bingo!

 

Yes.

But knowing this intellectually is way different from being able to apply it in real relationships. And so this has been part of my spiritual apprenticeship. I have been learning to extend my love whether or not I ever get anything in return - to love because it's so good to love and to give something that someone else needs - knowing that the love I need is within me, where nobody else can see - my spirit guide Deanna loves me in my mind and is with me always, giving me exactly what I need to sustain me and let me channel this love to whomever I'm spiritually assigned to.

I don't normally talk so extensively about all this stuff...I've drunk about a bottle and a half of wine, and I no longer have any inhibitions, it would seem...this is the stuff I think about a lot and don't normally talk much about.

 

If not for finally getting wifi in my home, I would never have opened up this much online. I suppose God has a purpose for this...

My purpose is soon going to be trying to get some sleep...lord almighty I am so tired...

 

It's good stuff, Zen.
It's good to talk about.

I'm sure it bores some people to hell but it's the stuff I think about alot too, so it's interesting to me.

 

I know, Aerianne - it's something that is mostly unspoken but most strongly undercurrent between us - I know. You have the same spiritual focus that I do.

It is fucking good to talk about, Aerianne.

 

Yeah, kind of weird...

I'll be heading off to bed too...there's only so much a body and brain should attempt in one day's time.

Nite.

 

Thank you both for being so open, I greatly admire that.

I learn from that and that is a gift you both have given.

 

That's right - human brains need some time to absorb and integrate thoughts and experiences. G'night dear.

 

Well, cool! :grouphug:

 

You've helped me too, Heather. G'night dear.

 

Night to you both!

 

"I can see you."

 

I'm in a disco mood this morning arty:

:leaving:

 

We are on our third day of being in the 50-60F degree range in temperatures and most of the snow and ice are gone (except for the piles the snow plows made). Tomorrow it will go back to the 30's. At least the ice is gone for now.

 

they use hog rectum[bung] to make ''artificial calamari'' in north america

they slice it and fry it and sell it and you chew it....