jake, he was a friend of mine late night supermarket- 17th aisle between the coffee and the poison nails up against the baby food tearing sobs from wet paper boundaries out of control. clarity's understudy in melting philosophy. inside of me. in style. jakey boy, come home, your mama's drunk again she knocked around the baby and polished off your gin jakey baby, stella saw it all go up in flames but you've been outta ear shot for so long you prob'ly didnt hear her scream your name jake, he was a longtime lover early morning- blinking like the dying neon invitation that faded out of business just last june wired, shaky, overdrawn come back to bed and let me do all those things that make you wild tie me up. i'll take you down. you know i'll always be around. for the duration.
that was one delicious read... it moves in all the right directions at the right times... great images and passion as well. I really, really enjoyed this one; thanks for sharing it!
Agree with fulmah, I dig the style! Everything fell into its proper space making this one helluva recollection/reflection, though personal still very relatable!
I'm not going to bullshit you. I loved the first four lines: Jake, he was a friend of mine late night supermarket- 17th aisle between the coffee and the poison nails up against the baby food You're concrete. You're focused. Then there's this quick shift to abstraction. I wouldn't. Give us a little more of the physical world. Keep us grounded. Jake is obviously a mesmerizing character. And the next two units have a sweet, lyrical sense. They'd obviously help create the framework of a song. You're at your best when you stick to the perceived and immediate in your images. Write on!
