I've never...

i've never masturbated.

 

Ive never escaped from jail

 

i've never been to prison

 

i've never starred in a movie

 

Ive never rode a segway

 

i've never been to the moon

 

Ive never googled Hairy Arabian girls

 

i've never lit myself on fire

 

I've never driven around town naked

 

I've never stolen a car

 

i've never been in a bar

 

I've never gotten a tattoo

 

i've never eaten liverwurst

 

I've never broken a leg

 

I've never smoked pot

 

I.ve never been with a prostitute

 

i've never lit a bag of dog shit on fire and left it on someones front porch

 

I've never seen any of the godfather movies

 

i,ve never slept with a fat woman

 

i've never seen any of the star wars movies