I've never...

i've never made an apple pie

 

I've never swallowed my tongue

 

I've never been to band camp

 

i've never owned a car

 

I've never dated a horse

 

i've never stabbed anyone

 

I've never cut myself on purpose

 

i've never kicked a dog

 

I've never stolen a truck

 

i've never had sex in a church

 

I've never committed suicide

 

i've never drugged someone against their will

 

I've never, in at least the last 20 years, gone more than 2 days without a shower

 

ive never contracted an STD

 

I've never been tear gassed

 

i've never been tased, bro

 

I've never been shot with a bean bag gun

 

never had sex with a blonde

 

never got a ticket for speeding

 

I've never shaved myhead