Hello, I am new to this website and am trying to get some advice. I am a 20 year old female. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and I love him more than anything, but I've had some issues regarding sex. I struggle with what I believe is a very low sex drive, while he has a high sex drive. I would be fine going a month without sex, but he would be happy having sex multiple times a day, and we have hit a rift. I have tried to keep up with him, but the constant want for sex began to cause me to feel resentment, well that, and the fact that I tore at one point about six months into the relationship, and if I have too much sex it causes me pain. The tear healed when we had to be long distance for 3 months. We have worked past that for the most part, less frequent sex, more lube, but I am still struggling to get past the initial dread I feel when I'm not into the mood at first and I can tell that he is trying to have sex. I enjoy the sex once I've pushed past the feeling of dread, but getting over that hurdle is stupidly difficult. I'd say my success in getting over the feeling of resentment is about 15% of the time. I would say more foreplay, but I struggle to climax in less that 25 or 30 minutes, and by the point I feel something, I get too into my head and cannot climax no matter how hard I try. I just end up dissapointing him, and really gave up on having him go down on me, because even when it feels incredible, I just cannot climax. I don't struggle this much when I am masturbating. I'm not sure if what I struggle with is actually a low sex drive, or if it has to do with the sexual assault I experienced when I was 17. I'm not even sure if thats something I can get help with on here or if it's best left to a professional. Just any advice you have would be awesome, I just can't keep making my boyfriend feel inadequate because my mind doesnt want me to have sex. Thank you.
Your boyfriend sounds like a bull in a china shop and he is breaking all YOUR china. Until he realizes that you only really enjoy sex during your peak fertility days and he needs to spend a few hours leading up to your climax, you will never have a satisfying sex life with him. Try explaining your feelings and needs to him, making him understand that a few days are perfect for you, others are simply to please him and a few are completely a 'no go' for sex. Until he accepts the truth about a woman's sexual desires, he will never have a loving and lasting relationship with you or anyone else.
