Is this wrong?

To be honest you should really watch less porn too. keep your own sex drive in check and your wife will notice, perhaps she is jealous that by you watching porn all day she think she is not "the one" for you and it could easily be any other woman in your bed.

 

I asked her was she insecure bout my porn watchin, she said not really. Then I asked her if there was anything else she like for me to do, she said i was urking her with these questions and to do what she said before.

 

you could listen until you really hear her.

 

study the phases of relationships. It's all chemical highs at the start then it changes. It continues to change the whole way through. The 7 yr itch etc. All brain chemistry. You need to know where you are at and deal with it from there. It's normal for the sex to decrease. Do some research.
i agree with roamy about the trust. Once it's been destroyed it creates a lot of problems. i wouldn't say filming that would totally destroy trust. It's not like you had an affair, or lied about who you really are and what you are all about. That trust issue should be pretty easy to sort out. Your wife should not be so selfish or you would not have resorted to such desperate measures.

 

This is our 7th year and things have been like this for about 5 years I would say.

I will try to completely listen and understand what she's talking about. I just hope she wont try to take advantage of my kindness.

 

Can u just chill out and give her space??

By the sounds of it seems like there is a lot of pressure and maybe she says yes then backs out to get you off her back??


And the secret taping thing..... thats so dodgy you should think yourself lucky she stayed with you. I would have left.

 

My post had nothing to do with YOU.

It doesn't matter what bothers YOU.

I'm saying it's possibly bothering HERRRRR

 

I like to think she gets tons of space, she'll come home and go upstairs for hours, 2 at min with almost no interruption from me.

what pressure? she's the one sexting me at work, then gets quiet when i come home. She offer's alot of stuff but doesn't go thru and it's not even sex related, but if I offer I had to do it or I'm the worst person.

I apologize that I misunderstood your post.

 

so at first I figured she might not understand how important sex is to men. Then after reading through the thread a little further I thought she was just feeling a little distant and you were focusing too much on sex and not enough on her as a person..

After reading this post I think you guys have some serious problems. Sex is important to men and its obviously important in a relationship too, but you gotta figure out the root of the problem to figure out why you're not having sex. Having ongoing sexual issues for 5 years is a symptom of the problem, not the actual problem.

 

Agreed, so now the conversation in this forum needs to open up more about Homie's relationship in general, in aspects of communication and general daily stuff removing the sex. It's possible there is a lack of foundation here that is causing the lack of physical intimacy for her and thus him as well.

Perhaps her attempts at sexting, is her logical attempt to rekindle the flame, but her brain isn't responding to logical behavior.

Also Homie needs to realize that you shouldn't ASK your wife in a general sense if she needs help with any task she normally takes care off. He should spend the effort to look for tasks that need to get done and do them without her asking, it shows initiative which sexy to women. If it's helpful to men, they should think of this as seeing a task and getting it done.


However warning to guys, before attempting to do laundry observe your wife doing house chores so you can do the same task PROPERLY according to how she does it. If you do a task via your own initiative, but do it incorrectly you've taken 1 step forward but 2 steps back toward fixing any emotional intimacy. This should be the new lifestyle of how the husband is in the relationship too, it is not a temporary behavior to fix a problem, it's just part of the married lifestyle in this century.

(side note: I do honestly believe too that this problem occurred to married adults in the 1920's-50's which is possibly which sex was not very orgasmic for women in those days on top of the lack of sexual medical knowledge, and social taboos about men talking about feelings and ect..)

And if this doesn't work over the course of a few months and she doesn't change her tune I recommend relationship counseling; and if that doesn't work to the point where both husband and wife are unhappy, I sadly recommend divorce. And in these cases you better hope there's a prenuptial agreement.

 

You've made it clear that when you talk to her she avoids the question or just doesnt answer, is never honest with you.......and yet most of the advice from the girls in this thread is to talk to her....so she gets more time to train you and not be honest

You've made it clear the big problem is no sex, and yet some have said you have bigger problems than no sex......like what exactly, super important shit like who does the dishes....or not quite enough talking.

Most likely she's sexting you at work in front of her gals friends, to pretend you two have the perfect marriage, been together for such and such time, still cant keep your hands off one another blah blah blah

She just wanted to get married, not really fussed who the guy was, caught up in the excitement of it all for a while but didnt really plan ahead

Its not a battle of the sexes thing, they arent all like this. But the ones that are, its always about the dad, they'll never admit it out loud, but spoilt by the dad too much, early on have him do everything for her they expect thesame from the husband.

What some of the guys have said is right, its gotta be 50/50, otherwise its just a whole bunch of whinging so she doesnt have to put much effort in and at tye same time expect everything done for her.

I dont think you said anything about kids, dump this one and find one witha pulse before its too late

As I said its not a battle of the sexes thing, plenty of guys that are like this as well

As soon as anyone starts whineing thats the red flag. "Oh, you should do this cos your mimimimimimi, you shoukdnt do that cos mimimimimimi, mimimimimimi" blaaark

 

vanilla, sometimes when I see you've posted in advice threads I read them just to see your advice. Sometimes its spot-on, sometimes its absolutely horrible, everytime it entertains me.

 

I also share this reaction Meliai has to Vanilla's advice.

Vanilla has a point if the trend continues that she is using sex as a dangling carrot for you to do this and that.

If that is what she is doing to you, then yes I agree with Vanilla and that you should pursue a divorce. But I tend to not assume the worst case scenario right away and am trying to take things slow in the advice that I gave the OP.

 

Here's the downside to my life, I'm the one who does mainly anything in the household. Before we got a washer and drier, I was the one mainly doing the laundry. I have to do the dishes because she doesn't really want to and if she does, does a half ass job. We just moved 6 months ago, she moved bout 6 boxes to the new apartment, left the rest to me. On the day of moving she was in NY doing nothing, left the actually moving to me, a friend and his wife.

Back to the dishes, she tried to manipulate me into agreeing to saying if the dishes need to be done, just do them instead of taking turns.

 

I want to thank you guys for your input, I tried other message boards and they all say get marriage counseling.

Once again, thank you

 

Damn, well if that's what is going on, I would've dropped a girl like that long ago. It's not an equal partnership in the marriage is it?

Does she work or do anything to help the marriage? If not I recommend counseling and divorce, and I hope you have a prenuptial agreement when you got married.

Sorry to sound like the guys on other forums who gave the same advice.

 

No, you should not boycott, you should tell her to quit teasing you sexually. And maybe...just maybe she is wanting you to make the first physical move on her? I've been known to do that to get my bf aroused enough to just take me. I can't say for sure, but at least talk to her about your frustration.

 

If you read the entire forum post, you'd know he's already tried talking to her and she replied that she wants to work on other aspects of the relationship beside sex. She feels a disconnect somewhere and he's hung out to dry.

 

I think the both of you need some change and excitment or to at least experience something new together. My bf and I are much more giving sexually when we work to make our sex life and the rest of our life together more exciting.

Either that or maybe there is a communication gap somewhere. It may be emotional rather than sexual in origin.

 

It sucks to be sexualy starved but just because they talked at some point, doesn't mean he should be passive-agressive (that never solved anything) and "boycott" a task. Just because they talked doesn't mean anyone was truly heard and understood. I agree with many of the other poster that this lack of sex is a symptom of a bigger problem, especially since she dodges the directly sexual questions and says things like you "need to bond" more. I hope you do choose to seek marriage counseling because it seems like you still care enough to try and correct some of the problems. Hopefully she does too.