is this poetry to you?

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by moo-digit, May 30, 2004.

  1. moo-digit

    moo-digit Member

    ironclad blood in pain


    i knew i shouldn't have gone
    to that place full of memories of yore
    for sadness it brings upon my visage
    although to you all... invisible
    my pain still lingers on my veins
    and what is worse
    it still lingers on my head
    it still lingers on my heart...

    i was sure i had set on a new start
    but i was proven wrong, for treason arose
    and grinning as always
    had you from the start to end
    for me to spend each one of those
    ten thousand eight hundred endless and painfull seconds
    in the darkness,
    in my quiet and calm pain...

    yes, hearing you laugh didn't please me
    it stabbed me on the back
    the blood was dripping
    it soaked my skin and bathed my back
    and still... it was invisible to you...

    i burned from the inside out
    my face was screaming my feelings...
    but as always, calm and quiet
    no body realized i was dying
    i was broken
    i had fallen
    and i didn't want to spread them
    as they felt as made of iron

    but like the warships
    i made it through the darkness
    through the sea of blood
    through the sea of pain
    and made it into the clear fresh clouds
    feeling the moisture against my skin

    tears dripping of my face
    but a slight smile shown
    like a plight of one in fear
    but i wasn't...

    i knew, i know
    that trust is nowhere near now
    it went with them
    with their treason
    and for that reason
    i give this to you
    and i hope that in this mess
    you will find what you deserve
    and you will know...
    what i knew for such a long time
    before the darkess grasped you
    and left me to sink in the blooklike sea
    with my broken iron heavy wings...

    is this poetry? or is it just a bunch of useless words?
    i need to know if what i write is any good, but i haven't been to a place where someone has told me so, so i came here. can you tell me if it is poetry or not?

    note: i don' t smoke pot and i certainly wasn't high on anything when i wrote this. just in case you were wandering.
     
  2. akhc

    akhc Member

    it's modern poetry :).. quite evocative too.might be an idea to run it through a spell checker but feel free to post more on here.. I'll certainly read them!
     
  3. littleskinny

    littleskinny Member

    it most definitely is poetry...and good too. I hope you write more like this and share them with us....
     
  4. moo-digit

    moo-digit Member

    phew!! thanks a lot for your comments guys, I've got a crapload of poems at my blog, I'll post 'em here in a while, got to have lunch!! And thanks a lot once more!!
     

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