I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years now. It has been a little rocky in places but sex is the glue we have. Over the last 18 months, we've broken up 5 times. I moved out and she has a new apartment threatening to get a roommate. (I hope it's a she). When we break up, we agree that we can talk but no sex or hanging out with each other. She has this thing where she calls me once or twice a week to help her with something asking me to come over and grab some of my stuff or help move her couch. Yeah Right! She wears her workout gear or her tiny shorts getting me worked up and every time we end up having mind blowing sex. a I end up staying the weekend and eventually bringing my clothes and stuff over so I don't have to commute back and forth. I can't see myself with her in the future. Her family and mostly her parents are fucked up. They are socialites and invite us to Blacktie events and shit I have no interest in. She's pretty normal but hates my friends. Currently we are not together and haven't seen each other for two weeks. I met a girl last weekend and hooked up with her and we have had sex 3 times. Am I cheating knowing my 5x ex will call and I'll end up staying with her again? Should I keep seeing her for sex? Should I benefit from seeing both girls? I feel like I'm doing something wrong here. What do you guys and gals think?
My opinion is as long as you are not officially living with her or completed and kind of vows with either one go for it. As the old saying goes, what is good for the goose is good for the gander, i.e. you should not expect loyalty from either one of them. My conscious would dictate that I tell both not to expect loyalty from me. Before I got married and I was having regular sex with someone I always ended up in puppy love. I could not tolerate the other person fooling around without hurt feelings but this was my problem not theirs. My other concern in the modern era would be STDs.
In my eyes the only person you will be cheating on is your new girl if this develops into a relationship if you are still seeing your EX from time to time behind her back . Your "old" girl is an Ex and therefore shouldn't count .
Its only cheating if you are both together as boyfriend/girlfriend, but you're not so you can sleep with other girls and she can sleep with other guys - some people in this arrangement dislike the other person having sex with others so its best just not to mention it to the other, its not like they need to know anyway unless obviously there's concerns if not using condoms then you should be open about that.
I think I'm going to break it off completely with my old girlfriend and tell her what I've been doing. She won't come back after I tell her that I've seeing this other girl. which is ok. The new girl is a coworker and knows what's going on. She's wanted to fuck me for a while. I know about her sex habits and I'm not worried about STDs. She's starting to be a lot of fun! I appreciate all of your feedback!!
I think it is perhaps better that you do move on with this new girl . Don't forget you are Exces for a reason . Beginning of a new chapter.
By breaking the original post down I pulled out the important points in what the OP wrote. 5 times the OP has broken off the relationship. He reveals his feelings of jealousy by hoping the next roommate is female. Then they agree to keep the relationship platonic. But she will call, he goes to her, and they have sex again. The OP is being deliciously played by this girl and loving it. Seriously? 5 times in 18 months? And over the 4 years they were together he kept his own residence? Then the OP adds this: This says he abhors her lifestyle and social circle as she does his. The sex is great, maybe. I expect the OP hasn't a lot of sexual experience. He only speaks of two women so his other experiences are unknown. His infatuation with her lends to the comment that she is normal. For him she is not. As it is he is not attached to any woman, the former girl or the present one. He hasn't known the next girl long enough to become attached, really attached. Infatuation may be tearing him apart and causing the feeling of betrayal to well up inside thus the question of cheating. There is no "cheating" going on in his life. He has broken off relations with a woman he saw exclusively for 4 years who clearly isn't right for him and had a weekend romp or a couple of dates ending in sex with the new girl. Both of these women have enjoyed the ride with him. He should do the same. No guilt. I agree with Mysteron that it may be time to move on from the 4 year relationship. The only good part of it is the sex. Otherwise the parents, family, social life, and even the former girls personality are wrong for him. He would be much happier hanging with his own class of friends. As far as sex goes? He found another woman who invited him to have carnal knowledge with her. There's more where she came from. Plus he isn't cheating on anybody.
I fail to see how anyone could see any of this as cheating. It sounds like an unattached group of people enjoying occasional but great sex. What am I missing here?
Of course you're cheating, but maybe not the way you think. You don't say that you have any commitment to be monogamous or sexually exclusive with the new woman in your life, so it would be impossible for you to cheat on her. You haven't made a promise to her "forsake all others." That doesn't mean that it's OK to give her an STD, just that you can't cheat when you have no explicit agreement with her not to have sex with others. As to cheating on your ex, you're cheating both with her and on her. You do say that you and she promise not to have sex with each other, and then you do anyway. In a sense, as soon as there is consensual sexual contact between you, the agreement is off, but that's implied. As long as you've promised not to have sex with her, and she's promised to have sex with you, arguably you're cheating on each other, and with each other. So, what's the harm? None that I can see, other than you have to live with the fact that you're not a man of your word, and you exercise poor self control. As long as you don't promise anything other than to act like a man-ho (with all due respect, I couldn't come up with a better term for it), and as long as the women in your life understand your tendencies, you're fine.
