Is there something wrong with me?

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by Harmony_rain, May 11, 2004.

  1. Harmony_rain

    Harmony_rain Keeper of the Stars

    I have a slight problem. Okay its a big one.'

    I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 yrs now and for about a yr and a half I have been very uninterested in sex of any kind. He trys to turn me on, but I get turned off. I don't understand what is wrong with me and I feel bad because my b/f is more of the one suffering. Sometimes we only do stuff once a month and thats usually when I'm going through ovulation and a woman is more hormaonally charged. I've tried watching sex shows and reading erotic books but it doesn't seem to be working. Please I need help because I don't want to loose my b/f to something so easily solved.:(
  2. OldGold

    OldGold Member

    Did you (or someone close to you) had a bad experience of some sort around the time you became disinterested in sex? What do you think of when you're trying to have sex, is there a pattern of some sort when your boyfriend is trying to turn you on and failing e.g. you think of the same things.

    A change of scene is sometimes helpful - try it in a new place.

    Is it just your boyfriend or are you not interested in sex in general?

  3. Harmony_rain

    Harmony_rain Keeper of the Stars

    Sometimes i think its sex in general. I sometimes think I'm bored and just need to try something new rather then the same old same old. I'm at the age where I'm supposed to be getting it on all the time but I'd rather not.
    Nothing really tramatic has ever happened to me. I was never raped or anything, just had sex for the first time at a young age. Maybe I could be just unwilling to let that go and deal with it. Who knows/
  4. OldGold

    OldGold Member

    There you go. I think you have put your finger on it.

    Plan a weekend getaway, go to a spa resort (or nudist club - its very relaxing!) and let things happen.

    Good luck,
  5. torz

    torz Member

    i've been with my b/f for just over 3 years now & there was a period of about 6 months that i couldnt bair to have my b/f cuddle me or kiss me never mind have sex, i dont know why, i couldnt put a finger on it. i started worrying that i didnt find my b/f attractive anymore & that i didnt love him anymore & started trying to focus on these things. this just made the problem worse. i watched porn, read porn, materbated, & still nothing.

    when we were trying to have sex i noticed that my mind was very active, always thinking, i was very aware of what was around me (my b/f shaird a house with two other guys at the time) & was thinking about what could happern etc.
    so instead we went back to basics, body massages with baby oil, light kisses & touches. doing things in forbidan places helped, like when we were on the train he would put his hand down mi trousers.

    also drugs also helped. i dont mean perscription, i mean coke, always makes me randy, E's when i've got over the initial high i get really randy.

    but while i was going through 'my phase' i read a artical in a health publication in the hospital about women getting depressed because there sex drive had diserpiered, and it went on about how women's bodys are different to mens in the way that if a man stops having sex (no masturbation), he gets very frustrated where as if a woman stops having sex she wont want sex (with exception of 2-4 days ovulation). so i thought to myself that maybe if i force myself to have sex & carry on doing it regular then i may get my sex drive back & i would stop thinking that i wasnt attracted to my b/f.

    for me it seamed to work, now i'm just randy & love sex everyday & i put it down to the magazine artical & switching off my mind during sex.
  6. Manolao

    Manolao Member

    uhm.... still never happened to me :p

    I think you could invent some "games"... like sex role play games.. or as suggested above, try different places.. I think that probably having sex outdoor would excite your mind more.. especially if there is the possibility to be "caught"... the risk is part of the pleasure...

    ..or if you feel it... try to meet another couple to share together all the beautiful passion of love... maybe just caressing each other and watching in the same room.. maybe it can help to get aroused a bit more ;)

    ..and..furthermore... are u sure is your problem and not maybe his fault? maybe he is acting always with the same routine and your body is bored... maybe you need to tell him to experiment something new.. like a white cream or cream chocolate massage or.. whatever!
  7. We_All_Shine_On

    We_All_Shine_On Senior Member

    Maybe, I hate to suggest it, but it might simply be you have come to a point where your relationship has turned into a friendship... you might need to consider all the possibilites, not just the options of one possibility...?
  8. meishka

    meishka Grease Munky

    i totally agree. it happened with my last relationship. i'd go limp because i was bored. it was sad. i mean how boring can someone make sex? sad
  9. dawn_sky

    dawn_sky Senior Member

    I was actually thinking along those lines. I've been with my boyfriend for just shy of a year, but there are times when we both get busy with school (I'm working on an honors thesis, he is a PhD student) & start to take each other for granted. When we don't have the time together to be emotionally intimate, I start losing interest in sex. I too started having sex at a relatively young age (14, I have no idea how that compares to you) & have been thru all the fuck-buddy situations & cheap flings I really ever want. Therefore, when we don't have time to connect emotionally, it starts to feel like just sex, not making love, & that just doesn't do it for me anymore on a deeper level.

    Is there any chance you're going thru something similar?

    If so, my suggestion would be to set aside a weekend to go away -- no tv, no cell phones, no internet, just the two of you. Plan that there will be no sex -- when I'm going thru this, every time he tries it just makes me less interested, whereas time together with no attempts will make me become more interested, some subconscious thing about the relationship being about more than just sex. Remind yourselves why you are together to begin with -- what made you fall for him, reminisce about how you two got together, etc. Do stuff like sensual massage, take a long walk in a park or on a beach, all those things that you normally don't have time for.

    Long term relationships do get boring. Keeping them from getting so stale that you break up takes a lot of work...
  10. Scholar_Warrior

    Scholar_Warrior Be Love Now

    there is something wrong with everyone. otherwise there would be nothing to fix.

    why do you think you came here?
  11. Harmony_rain

    Harmony_rain Keeper of the Stars

    Thanks everyone for your suggestions. No you were totally inline with that, Dawn sky, I was 14 when I first had sex. I sometimes feel like just giving in and maybe it will work and sometimes I have but we wound up stopping cause it wasn't working. I do though need to learn to clear my mind. I am always thinking of something all the time. I can never have a clear head. Our 3 yr annaversery is coming up next week and maybe I can try to plan something for us to do romanticly that will put me in the mood.
    I also have thought about it maybe being the lack of attraction to him. I know I am bored and maybe I am getting bored with him as well. I hope not and I am willing to do anything to proove that is not the reason.
    Once again thanks to everyone who posted.
  12. I had that happen with my ex. its part of why we broke up, which i regret, to be honest. I think that just happens to some people sometimes. I got so preoccupied with the thought of 'waht if hes the last person i sleep with? hes the only person ive ever slept with and i dont even know who else is out there..." which was valid but i didnt realize that the over-active mind was getting in the way of our sex life..

    try all the options you can before you go and end things. you can get over it, just dont do anything you'll regret :( take it from me. heh
  13. Mintaoism

    Mintaoism Member

    Well I had a serious relationship for the better part of a year.. and towards the end i was losing interest in my girlfriend. not sex just my girlfreind. i went to a sea side hotel. Best sex I have ever had.:)
  14. xanexehsx

    xanexehsx Member

    I definitely agree with this because I had the exact some problem with my exboyfriend. I wasnt ever interested in sexual things with him and I realized that it was because I thought of him more as a friend than a boyfriend. Well anyway, so i broke up with him. there is a new guy im with now and i dont have any problems anymore.
  15. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

    Just try new things, in new scenarios. Pretend you two don't know each other and he tries to pick you up at a bar. Tie each other up and tease one another mercilessly. Incorporate food if you want. Tell each other your fantasies (as many as you can recall) and act on all the ones that are viable (orgies may not be all that viable for the two of you, but other ones might be)
  16. browneydgrl

    browneydgrl Member

    for me, sex (and the intimacy that comes with it) is a vital part of a healthy relatonship. maybe this is not everyone's viewpoint.

    that being said, i dont really know what to tell you, as you know your feelings and you know your bf better than anyone else here...i think its time you guys had a little chat

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