Is There a Stigma to Being Virgin? Why and How?--unique subject

This thread deals with a unique topic that hasn't been addressed on these forums. Here are few reasons:

• The OP (myself) is male, 30+ years of age (33), is virgin by choice, and for completely secular reasons.

• People who make choices like the OP (myself) often find it difficult to assimilate their inevitable and vocal sexuality with their choice to not express this sexuality in a manner they deem pedestrian, all while maintaining healthy social and professional lives, and thus they would find it tremendously helpful to have a place where they can explore practical ways of dealing with these challenges.

• There are countless threads littering the forums that deal with the same, narrow minutia of the sexual act in a visibly redundant manner. There is not a single thread that discusses the possibility of enhancing the quality or human interaction between the sexes through abstinence.

• The fact that few individuals find the choice to remain virgin different from theirs should not result in the exclusion of those who are virgin, or in public disdain of their choices as may have been exhibited in the deletion of OP's previous thread titled The Virgin Thread.

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Are you virgin, or were you ever virgin (by choice or necessity)?Tell us about it?

How did you cope with it physically, mentally and socially?

Did you find it difficult to be accepted by your peers, classmates, or coworkers once they've learned about your 'sexual status'?


Also, if you're no longer virgin, what was it that prompted you to partake in sexual activity with a partner?

Was it an easy decision?

How did your life change hence?



My experience: it hasn't been a smooth ride, yet I've always had plenty of time to learn about myself and the world around me. I finally met someone who sparked my interest enough to make me want to be with her and give her my virginity. This was a little while ago, and I was frightened and ran away when I felt that the attraction may be mutual. I have a lot of mental blocks that I must overcome before I approach her again in a more serious manner.


The reason I'm virgin is simple despite how cheesy or naive it may sound: it's my personal conviction that each person has a soul mate on this planet. I don't value intercourse for intercourse's sake as much as I'm eager to experience it to find deeper meaning and connection. I find it more important to connect as living entities with a person prior to engaging in sex with them.


I'm not ashamed to admit that I masturbate to make things a little easier, although I had gone for almost four years without masturbation back when I was in my early twenties. I learned a lot along the way and I'm eager to learn more by interacting with the members of this forum.

 

There are many reasons for being a virgin after, say, 20 years old and most of them are signs of mental illness. I was a virgin until I was 21 and I was definitely not of sound mind. My healing started after I got laid.

 

Are you virgin, or were you ever virgin (by choice or necessity)?Tell us about it?


Everyone was once a virgin . I think losing virginity should be the first time you masturbate because that's you.

I was a 22 year old virgin.

How did you cope with it physically, mentally and socially?

All my friends were virgins so it was normal.

Did you find it difficult to be accepted by your peers, classmates, or coworkers once they've learned about your 'sexual status'?


Some people would say "why are you still a virgin?" or "why does she always tell people that?"

Also, if you're no longer virgin, what was it that prompted you to partake in sexual activity with a partner?

Went to a therapist who talked me into losing my virginity to my second boyfriend. She said "I can see if you were 15."

Was it an easy decision?

Yes it was an easy decision, as I was only a virgin due to peer and societal pressure.

How did your life change hence?

I now love casual sex which is great for me, it's very freeing, it's adulthood, non-conformity, beauty, many things.

 

When you have sex for the first time, you don't "lose" anything. Virginity is a social construct, and is only as important as you allow it to be.

 

100% agree.

 

I agree with this. I have mental illness and my long virginity was a sign of that. I feel much better about myself now that I get laid on a regular basis. I feel more healed and more true to myself.

 

I plan to never give up my virginity. I've held strong for 17 years so far, now if I can make it to 40 years, then keep it after that. It's mainly because sex is revolting to me.

 

You Certainly Devote A Lot Of Time Digging Up Threads From Years Gone By......



Cheers Glen.

 

^ he needs something to do while he's not having sex...

 

We are genetically driven to reproduce and if you do not feel this primal and urgent urge, there may be other reasons at play other than your fancy words to describe why. Is being a virgin at 30 wrong? Nope but it is not normal. Sometimes we give ourselves reasons to avoid the real problem. I have met guys who cannot get girls to have sex with them, so they make it sound as if it is by choice to feel better about themselves. I do not know you but the desire to pass along our genes is the strongest genetic desire we have. All other things like avoiding death and harm are to allow us to live long enough to reproduce as much as possible and with as many mates as we can. Most all that we do is related to passing on our genes because only those with genetic traits that favored reproduction, reproduced to create us. So while not weird or anything like that, you are displaying genetic traits that do not favor reproducing far and wide as they used to say. If you get hit by a bus you end your genetic line. That is not a trait that nature favors so it is not normal.

 

There is no stigma to being a virgin, in fact it's pride. It's something you should be proud about, those people who aren't virgin which they were like you. :rockon:

 

Are you virgin, or were you ever virgin (by choice or necessity)?Tell us about it?

I'm 31 & still a virgin mostly because of shyness in approaching women & also because I've never really wanted to have sex with a random that i didn't have feelings for.
How did you cope with it physically, mentally and socially?

Socially, i just pretend that I'm single, that I'm not really looking just at the moment & that I have experience (if anyone ever asks about my sex life/relationship status I just casually give them enough info to make them believe I'm just an average single dude, but not so much info that I risk outing myself as a virgin)..mentally never having had a gf has caused me a huge amount of depression, frustration & even anger at the way guys who are known to be virgins over a certain age are often treated. I have certain positive coping methods for dealing my singledom but...admitedly some of my means of coping are not very healthy & I've just recently started some psychosexual therapy to hopefully get me to see & approach things a little differently.

Did you find it difficult to be accepted by your peers, classmates, or coworkers once they've learned about your 'sexual status'?

My best friends & I don't don't doubt a number of other people 'sort of' know....I just avoid the issue basically + if a good friend of mine kept constantly giving me stick for still being a virgin, that person wouldn't remain my friend for very long.

 

I believe there is less of a stigma now than there was, say, 20 years ago. Or back in the 80s. And of course less now than in the "free love" 70s and 60s."

Everything in society and in art, culture, fashion, politics, all that sort of stuff, seems to go in circles. It is what we call "cyclic." And often times, after a time where an extreme of some sort is seen, like the promiscuous sex and free love and hedonistic lifestyle thing, you see a 180 degree reversion back in the other direction.

This has happened with the virgin thing. It is now considered OK, and even "cool" for a young adult, say in the late teens or even early 20s, to be a virgin and to tell their friends that they've decided to wait until marriage, or at least until they find somebody they love and feel right with, to have sexual intercourse.

When you think about it, there is really no downside to doing that. Waiting for sex.

But there are MANY potential downsides to having sex too young and too often, right?

LOL

Cheers.

 

You think? Based on what? I haven't noticed that trend at all.

Although, I heard recently that teen pregnancy rates are at an all time national low--except in some areas of Texas, which is sort of interesting.

Anyway, I agree with you that not having sex young is probably a good thing, but I don't see a cultural shift making it cool to be a virgin happening currently, or any time soon.

 

I think it depends on the area. I also remember the Jonas Brothers used to brag about it and I never heard anyone speak badly about it.
I do hear "you need to get laid" as much now as I did when I was a teenager.

 

Who cares if anyone else thinks something is cool enough? Just be whoever you are, and the hell with anyone coming at you with negativity. They have nothing better to do.

 

I'd like to agree with you , but if it's human nature to care about certain things...most other things people may say and or think about, I don't really give a fuck. It's different however if it's in relation to something I'm unhappy about.

 

Then don't say anything or talk about it or let them know. Silence is golden, you know.....and why are you telling a bunch of strangers on an internet forum all of this? Showing people your achilles heal? Don't. they don't care, for the most part..

 

Irl as as I said before, I basically never tell anyone. On an anonymous internetforum...well..that's totally different, sharing stuff that you don't normally talk can be very cathartic and even occasionally educational.

 

yeah, almost everyone i know always tells me "i wish i had never experienced sex. icky!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6ONcuv50Ls