Is There A Benefit For A 14 Year Old To Visit Her Mom In Jail?

Searching for forums involving jail and this showed up

My wife, who is also mother of my fourteen year old will be going to jail for seven months for a financial crime. I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions, She also never did anything bad at all before this And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my daughter we should be glad her mother is serving time for her actions. Doing the right thing for her mistakes. Also, her mother is showing regret and no defense at what she did . I am thinking of letting my daughter visit her and have her still be involved with her child because she was never an absent or abusive parent or anything. Some might say sticking by her is being enabling but I just cannot agree I was thinking of allowing my daughter to visit her. But I am not sure if I should because I don't think my daughter to be exposed to a prison environment. It is nothing to do with the mother is solely the environment. Also I hear it is a hassle to get in and you don't even get much time to speak. Seeing her mom there might be a bad image. Her mom will be dressed in a jail uniform and is of course rightfully being treated like any other inmate but that might send a "normalizing" message to my daughter . My daughter seems to be taking it fine , she also said it is kind of funny that her mother is locked up and is now the one being ordered around by others. This is weird because she never had a bad relationship with her mother. I asked what she meant and she said she was just joking. I think that is OK to try to crack a joke to make the situation feel less bad and that a better way of handing the situation instead of being hysterical about it If I do allow her what should I tell her in advance to prepare her? Is it a good idea for her to ask her mother questions about all this? also, I am willing to still let her be involved with her daughter and other things going on by telling her everything when she calls and asking about them. Is this alright? I managed to talk to one of the main guards that works at that jail. She said that since my daughter is a teenagers it is perfectly fine to take her. She also said use it as a learning experience (what does that mean do you think), ask your wife to be honest about what happened, and to simply present it as a punishment for wrong doing. What do you think about this?

 

I'd be quite sure your daughter at 14 isnt going to really listen to anyone tell her how she is supposed to think.

The people ordering her mom about for a change and you being perplexed by that pretty much gives everything away about all three of you.

She goes to see her mum in jail, wont make anywhere near as much of a difference as you want to believe it will

 

I think your daughter should be told the truth, her mum did wrong, this is her punishment, mum is likely to be sad when she sees you, but!
Do you want to go see her sad, or just talk on the phone and write to her?
Your daughter has done no wrong, so it should be up to her, 7 months isn't a life time..

Good luck with it, and way to go for not calling her to your daughter, you know your wife, and you know if she deserves a second chance! Nice one!

 

Best you keep your messages here, thank you.

Thanks for answering. Hope you don't mind a pm Main problem I have is She will see her mom in a jail jumpsuit She will see other inmates and women behind bars The guards could be intimidating Is that ok for a 15 year old to see? It's not that she would lose respect really but it would be weird to see her mom basically in that jail jumpsuit like the people you see on TV Actually my daughter does not seem scared but instead seems excited and enthusiastic to visit. This is strange to me. Do you find this normal? my daughter seems to poke a little fun at her mom having to wear a uniform, follow guards orders, and change and shower with others. I wonder if that is normal. My wife doesn't mind and even joked about it a bit. They have a good relationship my daughter also seems interested in knowing what the jail is like. I wonder if that is normal as well

 

Your daughter's age? If your trolling, your in the wrong place, sorry, I've no more advice to give you!

 

I think of course you allow your daughter visit her mother. I gotta question the relationship for the question to have ever been asked. It's just weird to me.

If I was in jail and had a good relationship with my daughter, of course I'd want to see her. I know it's not the best place etc. but that's my daughter, I want to know how she is and what's been happening.

Why would you take that away from them?

 

they will frisk your daughter....be prepared....7months is nothing...kid can do without mom for 7 months..use the damn phone

 

Do you remain married, do you love your spouse?
Can you welcome her back with open arms?
Any thoughts that this penalty may be heavy handed?

 

Yes


My concerns are with environment and her seeing her mom in jail clothes

 

Maybe this is something that you could talk about in family therapy

 

I think that might be unnecessary since it is just the jail environment I am wondering about

 

I would emphasize writing letters. perhaps she can send her photos as well.

 

Main problem I have is She will see her mom in a jail jumpsuitShe will see other inmates and women behind bars The guards could be intimidating Is that ok for a 15 year old to see?

it would be weird to see her mom basically in that jail jumpsuit like the people you see on TV

Actually my daughter does not seem scared but instead seems excited and enthusiastic to visit. This is strange to me. Do you find this normal? my daughter seems to poke a little fun at her mom having to wear a uniform, follow guards orders, and change and shower with others. I wonder if that is normal. My wife doesn't mind and even joked about it a bit. They have a good relationship my daughter also seems interested in knowing what the jail is like. I wonder if that is normal as well

 

why are you worried about ''normal''

you have already missed the ''normal'' boat


dude...in 5 years when they are at each others throat just like every mother and daughter, this will come back and bite you and wifey in the ass

 

Do you remember being 15 at all, seriously?, did you listen to your parents?


What is that with some parents?, its like you get a memory wipe as soon as you have kids


And as Rollingalong said, as if you have any control in regards to relations between mother and daughter, who are you kidding?

 

I agree. Good luck to you.

 

Vanilla has a point, who was the biggest liar in your house at that age? (A quote from an old friend...) lol

"Hey mom we're going to the park and listen to tunes and play frisbee". (And hang out with gals, do bongs at the bench and drink beers...) see my halo? Ha!