Is once a month normal?

Normal? Yes, it's within what I would call the normal range. A reasonable estimate is that 15-20 percent of all married couples right now are sexless, meaning that they have sex 10 or fewer times per year, less than once a month.

If you're 22 and have been married less than 6 months, that wouldn't be normal. You'd be an outlier. If you're in your 50s and have been married for 30 years, it's completely normal. Your posting indicates that you're much closer to the latter situation than to the former. The question is whether living as a sexless couple is the future you want together. What to expect? You should expect to have exactly the kind of intimacy you've mutually agreed to have. If you haven't had that discussion recently, or if what you're doing isn't what you previously agreed to, then today is the day to have that conversation.

Your wedding vow "to have and to hold" simply meant that there would be some sex. The specifics aren't stated at the church altar or in the courthouse in front of all assembled. Sex's how, and how often, and for how long you work out privately between you, but you have to check-in with each other on the subject. Given your posting, it's your turn to bring it up, to forge an understanding that applies today and until the next time you check-in with each other on the subject.

Regarding menopause, I recommend that you both read a very good book by Joan Price, "Better than I Ever Expected, Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty." She's a sex-positive author, and the book is written for women, and for those who want to have sex with women (yes, for you too).

In the meantime, consider this. Rather than studying why couples stop having sex, a very thoughtful researcher looked at the problem this way: what is the distinguishing and determining feature in a relationship in which the couples keep having sex regularly for the long-term? The answer has nothing to do with both of them feeling like it at the same time, every time and with great frequency. These couples that keep having good sex do it even when one of them isn't in the mood right then, when there's a stack of mail to go through, when there's something interesting on television, or a sink full of dishes. They don't have sex because everything else is done and perfect. They have sex because they've both and mutually agreed that it's important to them, and they make time for it. They talk about it. They don't let two months pass without sex without discussing it or putting it on their calendars. They don't let two weeks pass.

Sure, if one of them has an unhealed bone fracture and had surgery to implant hardware last week, or the other has end-stage cancer, they aren't going to have sex. However, if they're both healthy, have agreed that physical intimacy is important to their overall intimacy, then being tired from work, having a sink full of dishes, or a pet that needs its ear ointment isn't going to stop them. They find a way to have sex, not an excuse for why they aren't doing it.

Bottom line: you have to talk with your partner about what's important to you both. Some couples stop having sex as soon as they decide they don't want more children. You aren't one of those couples. So what got you this far? Communication, so keep using it.

 

Studies have shown of which I agree with, as you get older sex becomes less frequent but is replaced by more intimacy . The key thing is to keep that connection going with your partner .

 

Sounds like you have a big imagination, too. .

 

Not imagination it's real

 

I sure hope that's not normal. I look forward to being able to retire and enjoy life in my older years, but not if sex only comes once a month. Yikes.

 

IMO when people truly care for each other and one grows out of the need for sex but the other one needs it something must happen. The sex must take place with that one person for his/her sanity. The non-sexual person needs to either assist in their sexual manipulation or somehow allow possibly another person into their lives. If a solution does not occur it is very likely that cheating or a break up is down the road. When my wife is not horney and I am she will jack it or suck it. When she needs it and I dont I will lick one out for her. There must be comprimise in a ralationship.

 

In reality, we are all like other species when it comes to reproduction and as you know the female is only interested when she is ovulating.
Us clever humans have created a male dominated society, where the females are largely conditioned to satisfy male demands. As a result their satisfaction is largely based on their desire for intimacy, rather than sexual activity and their heightened pleasure during ovulation is a bonus.

The 'rhythm' method of contraception (promoted by the Roman Catholic Church) is barbaric for the females, simply because on all the days that she would fully enjoy sex, their is a cross on the chart.
When a friend got confused, I told her to throw the chart in the bin and only have sex when she had a headache.

Now that women are becoming more self assured and dominant. within a few years, all of us will only be getting it once a month.
I doubt that we will admit it though,

 

This puts me off long term relationships, I'm young and enjoying myself and having plenty of sex my ex girlfriend wanted marriage and lots of kids. Maybe one day perhaps I might find love

 

From my experience menopause can present as different scenarios in women.
To many it is not just the end of reproduction but after a life time of marriage and a blessed relief from periods but to seemingly fewer it can also be a time of sexual release and sexual freedom.
It all depends on health, mental status, relationships and possibly the greatest influence still hormonal.
I won't say anymore on this topic for fear of multi incrimination of self

 

Seems like this menopause thing has been beaten to death. Perhaps the real problem is that so many men become uninterested or incapable at younger ages than women. In my own situation I fall into the incapable class and my partner.....she is the same age, interested, certainly lubricates, works out, and would enjoy sex several times a week if she could. From my point of view a FWB for her is OK.

 

Once a month is great! That's cool... I hope you're cool with that.

 

If you do without anything getting in the way it's really good.
She has to open her flood gates to take it all because of the amount saved up by the guy.
Try two month's and it's really wild.

 

Even in lockdown I'm fortunate enough to be staying with two sisters, so I'm getting more than my share

 

Once a month sucks. twice a week preferred.