Is once a month normal?

Hi,
We are north of menopause and very little intamacy.
Is this normal?

Not sure what to expect.

 

Everyone is different. Some friends my age(over 50) are always talking about having sex, while some say they haven't had sex in years. Mostly it's the ladies telling my wife about not having sex...us guys won't admit to not having sex (I don't let on to the guys that I know that they aren't getting any).

 

My friends don't let on that they know when I'm not getting any, either. Btw

 

I'm not getting any, and I'm happy!

 

I'm getting plenty, and I'm not happy.

 

Yay!

 

In terms of sex, its only weird or abnormal if you make it so.

 

Sometimes weird and abnormal is good. Or that's what neon told me . . . in a private message.

 

That does sound like something I would say.

 

Maybe its all good.

 

Yeah, all but trampoline sex.

 

Menopause is a little town in Idaho, they are north of there

 

We don't need to know that shit.

 

Sex survey workers discovered early on that, in many countries, if they asked men how often they have sex they will say several times a week, while the reality is more like once every 3 weeks, or once a week at most. Asians and others see the American obsession with sex as bizarre, sure its fun, but its five minutes of your time. Of course, the men claim it is hours. Notably, the workaholic Japanese and white US and EU populations have been declining faster than all others for decades. Even when they have sex, they don't want children as often and will rate their satisfaction with something like a vacation, according to how much it costs. Intimacy is not high on the list of things they are famous for.

 

I am happy with my sex life being a young guy and fortunate to get regular sex most of the time. I do no intend to settle down yet and I use protection when needed although it is never feels the same. I am happy the way things are at the moment

 

Menopause is a hit or miss proposition for men. Yes, men. While the male sex drive continues long into their senior years women are different. Menopausal and postmenopausal women are not as easily aroused sexually and they may be less sensitive to foreplay. They tend to lose interest in sex. Lower levels of estrogen have been known to cause a drop in blood supply to the vagina. That affects vaginal lubrication, causing a dry vaginal condition that makes for very uncomfortable sex. There have been women who say they've got an improved sex drive after menopause. That's good for the male partner. Most women don’t fall into this category. That's not good for the male partner. These women must rely on medication in order to remain sexually active. There are water-soluble lubricants to help with a dry vagina. Plus a doctor can help by prescribing vaginal estrogen therapy. But this could be a risky proposition for some women. Encourage your spouse to seek medical help as soon as she can. The longer and less frequent sexual intercourse is the more likely all sexual activities with her will cease.

There are alternatives available. Women can still show their partner love and affection without having sexual intercourse. They can experiment with erotic videos or books and masturbation. Having fun with foreplay such as an erotic massage ending with masturbation or oral sex is another way to satisfy the male partner. If the male is paid attention to and receives an orgasm it may not matter to him if he doesn’t ejaculate into a vagina. If intercourse is a must women can minimize any pain they might have by using sexual positions that allow them to control the depth of penile penetration. The partners can take a warm bath together before sex to help with relaxation and use vaginal lubricants mentioned earlier to help ease pain caused by friction.

 

^^^^ Good stuff Barry. It all comes down to ADAPTING. If penetration is uncomfortable for her, use LOTS of lube. Or go to oral / vibe / manual stimulation for each other. But KEEP PLAYING !!! It's healthy physically for both in the couple, and it keeps you more tightly bonded emotionally in the most intimate of ways. Win-win !!

 

I'm getting plenty of sex but it's still not enough always looking for more, I have a big sex drive

 

This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ spot on .

 

If there is a mis match in your libidos then you need to talk with your wife about it.

Has your sex life declined to the point that when there is any form of intimacy, it leads to intercourse? Does you wife refrain from a kiss and a cuddle in bed because she thinks you'll want it to lead to Intercourse which maybe painful for her? Do you try and lead a kiss and cuddle in bed to intercourse because you feel the intimacy isn't frequent enough and you want to make hay whilst the sun shines?

You can compare a sexual appetite to a food appetite. Sometimes you just want a quick snack, to keep you going for the day. At other times you want the full works, a three course meal, wine, chanpagne etc. If your appetite is suppressed or low, you still want that snack, but you don't want to have to eat a three course meal every time you are hungry. If you've just snacked you may not want a three course meal not long after. When you want a three course meal you don't always want the same choice every tiume. You want some variety. Sexual appetite can be similar. If your appetite is low, you still want intimacy but you don't want a marathon sex session ending with intercourse every time.

So you need to have that chat. Explore your needs with each other. If your wife feels safe that you can have a kiss and a cuddle, in bed, without it inevitably leading to what feels for her pressure to have intercourse; then you are more likely to have that kiss and cuddle more frequently. Once she feels safe about the kiss and cuddle being an act of intimacy in it's own right; she may decide that a bit of intimate touching is also safe for her. Safe, in terms of, there can be intimate touching, without it leading to intercourse. That may also lead to the intimate touching becoming more frequent.

As little bit on the intimate touching. Sometimes she may only want the intimate touching to be one way. This means she may want to touch you intimately , but does not want you in return to also touch her intimately at the same time. She may want to be in control, to explore you intimately, without you guiding her, or giving a helping hand in any way. She wants to be in control of your arousal, whether and when you reach orgasm, and how many times. After my wife discovered she could make me orgasm and ejaculate mutiple times by stimulating my prostrate via vibrator or her fingers; it's one of her favourite pleasures to see how many times she can make that happen. She loves exploring the sensations and her effects on me, when I'm not in charge of any of it. These orgasms are different from one achieved through intercourse or masterbation. They are the most earth shattering all body orgasm you can have. We would never have discovered this, if we hadn't removed intercourse off the menu, for every intimate encounter. She also now likes to wake me up with a blow job. She would have never done that before. We changed the nature and variety of the intimacy snacks but have them more often.

So if by intimacy and once a month, you mean intercourse; perhaps reset expectations of intimacy, and explore different aspects of your sex life that can deliver intimacy for both of you, at a frequency that meets both your needs. I get a lot more kissing and cuddling as well as manual, oral, and anal stimulaton from my wife than before. Sexual intercourse is still on the menu, but it's not the only option, and it's chosen when we are both in the mood. This satisfies both of us, the sex is probably the best ever right now, and we've reconnected intimately as a couple.

So have that chat. Listen to your wife first, and listen to what she has to say, what she needs. Explain your needs. Then explore, together, how you can meet each others needs. Sex and intimacy in our older years and long term relationships can be the best we've ever had. But if you still always do what you did when both you and the relationship were young; then you won't progress beyond the sex of your youth.

Good luck.