I’m a 35 yo straight female and a virgin. I come from a religious background and didn’t believe in sex before marriage for the longest time. This combined with sexual abuse at a young age has resulted in me ‘protecting’ myself from the opposite sex and I have not really dated either. I also need to have a strong connection with someone in order to be attracted to them. I am now considering dating and am lost at where to start. I am worried that a lot of relationships at my age require sexual intimacy at an earlier stage of the relationship. How much of an issue is my inexperience and how should I broach the subject as I try dating (through apps)? I really feel like there is something wrong with me.
There's nothing "wrong" with you. No two people are going to have identical life experiences, sexual or otherwise. Don't worry about what you did or did not do in the past, or how accepting others may be of your sexual experience. I would suggest that you just go about finding a date, whether you choose to use a dating site, or find a potential partner through some other avenue, and then after a bit of conversation, at the point where the possibility of actually meeting begins to be discussed...at that point you can make clear that you are not looking for a one-night stand, FWB, or a NSA type situation. You can also specify those things in your dating profile, of course. And then of course, you could also explain that you are looking for a long-term relationship/marriage (assuming that that's how you currently feel), and that they should not be expecting sex with you until, well...whatever that time frame would be, for you. As for your inexperience, and your virginity...I would also think that you could explain that, because of your desire to truly know a person extremely well before carrying the relationship into the realm of physical intimacy, that you believe you may be a bit less experienced than one might expect of someone your age. As for being a virgin, well...that might be a tad more sensitive, and you'd have to decide when was the best time to broach that topic. And, if you're very self-conscious about your lack of experience and/or knowledge...there are plenty of websites and videos out there which offer useful info, on a wide variety of sexual topics, activities, positions, and techniques. I'm not talking about porn, but actual educational sites which, while some of them may also be somewhat arousing, are for the most part purely intended to inform and educate. Believe me...I occasionally look at such sites. We're always still learning, and there are always new things to be learnt. Also...I imagine plenty of people might actually find the notion of "guiding" a young woman through her first sexual experiences to be quite exciting, in its own right! Have fun, stay safe, and good luck to you! And again...there's *nothing* wrong with you!
I would think that this rules out dating apps for you. Get out there in the real world and find someone who loves people more than sex.
I feel like the expectation for instant gratification is pretty high with dating apps. The guys you meet might expect the sex to happen right away, and throw a tantrum when they don't get their way. If I were you, I would pick up on someone with a more conservative approach. Maybe find someone who is quiet and reserved at a library. Or, since you mentioned religious background, assuming you're still practicing you could meet someone at a church function. Just food for thought. If all you wanted was to lose your virginity, I'd say yes to the dating app idea, but I think all that swiping left or right puts the brain in acquisition mode - the sort of "what am I getting out of this" mode if you know what I mean. The app will deliver misery in my honest opinion, but it is a quick way to meet people in your area. It's possible I have the wrong impression though and there are really nice guys using that.
I'm in the same position you are. There's nothing wrong with it at all, as frustrating as it may be not to have found someone by now.
You're actually a little beyond the age of casual sex. It seems like more people are settling down in their mid 30s. No matter how you meet make your expectations clear. If the man doesn't respect you then dump him and find someone who does. There are men looking for serious relationships. Lack of experience won't matter in a serious relationship. Even if the first time sucks you'll have plenty of time to get it right.
I recommend you write down 30 things you want in a guy. Then out of those 30 things, then star ☆ the top 10 must haves you want in a guy. Study the list you created and men on your list will start to find you. Absolutely not. Sexual intimacy is only about 10 percent of a true committed monogamous relationship. Your inexperience is not an issue at all. The Only dating site I recommend for you is E Harmony or Match. All the others will be a disappointment in meeting someone. Nothings wrong with you jess.
Hi So how is it going its tough out there if you don't know your way around, dating can be a mine field of guys putting out to you, if you have not found someone yet there's me? no just joking the wife wont let me out. So join a club, its great if you have a hobby then when you meet a guy you have something in common and that's a great ground breaker for couples of all ages, or do you want an adventure with a guy, holidays can be a great find for some women if you like that the feel of an adventure. But what ever you do carry some condoms even if you on the pill, saves any STDs, yes you do need to worry about these things, as they say its best to be safe than sorry. Now is the time to get out there and don't forget have fun.
You say you're considering dating for the first time at age 35 and lost at where to start. My advice is: don't. The whole point of dating is to find a suitable mate/spouse. You don't seem interested in that. Some people, including most men, date to find sex partners. You aren't interested in that. There isn't something you've identified that you think is missing from your life that you'd achieve by dating. If you wanted to date, you could have asked someone out before now. You haven't. Rather than trying to date, go on about your life. If you develop a strong connection with someone, and then find him/her attractive (how you say this works for you), then you can ask that person out. If you meet no such person, so what? You don't have a clear understanding about what it is you're trying to accomplish by dating anyway. Lots of people never date, never marry, never have sex, and never have children. There's nothing wrong with that. A date is merely an agreement between two people to meet at a certain time, in a certain place, to engage in some specified activity. If you want someone to ask you out, then if it happens, you'll say 'yes' or 'no.' If you don't want to wait to be asked, you can do the asking. The other person can say 'yes' or 'no.' Ask + yes + showing up = date. It's that simple. Don't make it more complicated by thinking too far ahead. You don't want sex, and should feel free to say so at any point you choose. You can say it when you extend the invitation, or when you accept his, or at any point thereafter. No relationship requires sexual contact at any age, unless you're a MF couple and trying to produce a child together. Sex between two people requires two 'yes' votes, and you're not ready to vote 'yes,' so there's not going to be sex. It's as simple as that. "I'm an old man, and I've known a great many troubles, and most of them never happened." (Mark Twain)
I have a feeling that you are going to find yourself someone who loves the fact that you are who you are. They are going to spend that time getting to know you, and go on an awesome journey with you.
Jess come back, you started something and stopped, look there is a very good book called Love Play by Dr David Delvin your find a copy on line at a book store and its not pricey, good for getting a sexual background this will give you a background to sex and its something you can keep next to the bed and keep reading it slowly, it well help you understand sex and what goes where as this helps, we all need help at some time. Perhaps you can find a girl friend as this may be better for you, not all women fancy guys, do you think this would be more helpful?
