Is My Boyfriend BiSexual

Advice needed Please!

I think my boyfriend of 10 years is bi sexual. Though I wouldn’t hate him if he was I sense he is afraid to say his truth. There’s been a few things through out our relationship that have made me question and ultimately I believe he is. For example: He has a porn addiction and I mean for 7 years I would fight with him about it. By year number 3 I felt if I watched it with him and participated in different experiments. We have done anal in the past but within the last few years I wasn’t comfortable anymore with it. I started to notice he was taking pills everyday. He was taking Rhino pills to enlarge your penis and make you last longer. I was questioning all the time why he was taking them and never got a solid answer. We would watch porn together for hours. We would talk extremely dirty like role playing. We would imagine it being a girl I brought home for him. Or he was fucking a girl while I was working talking to him on FaceTime. Lots and lots of talking dirty. Once we were super intoxicated and were having sex. As I’m performing oral in the midst I got near his butt and licked slightly near. He asked me to do it again. And because for years I’ve felt insecure about his porn addiction I would do anything to please him. I proceeded to lick his butthole. After that occasionally I would finger his butthole. I asked him if it felt good and he said yes. Our sex life involved many different types of toys and outfits etc. he would buy me toys all the time as gifts. One day he came home with a gift and it was some toys for the bedroom. One of those toys was a strap on. I didn’t know what to think of it and I didn’t mention anything about it but I also didn’t use it many times because I am more of a vibration stimulant. Now aside from what would sound like an amazing sex life I dealt with a lot of abuse. Most of our 10 years have been physically and verbally abusive. The last two years he has been financially abusive. He seems very angry all the time. All my friends and family say that something about him is off. He is social awkward and doesn’t have friends. Or if he does they never last too long. For a period of time we separated and he knew I was with another man at a hotel. He texted me and asked me if he can join. I wasn’t sure what to think. Was he saying it to be an asshole like he is or did he really want too. He asked me numerous times if I wanted to be in a open relationship. Though I am very sexual with this person I have not slept with a lot of people. I just don’t know what to think. Someone who has been through this any advice we truly help right now. Am I crazy for thinking this?

 

The big glaring issue here in my opinion is not whether he I’d bisexual it’s that he is abusive. Why tolerate it ? It will not get better, there is generally a cycle with abusive guys where the know how to keep you there with the hope things will improve. In the long term they won’t. Leave now and save yourself more heartache.

 

There are many guys who like anal stimulation and want to be pegged, but would never identify as bisexual. A lot of porn can have him build unrealistic expectations and see him accept as normal, what he is watching. It sounds like he wants group sex because he sees it in porn, so often. In reality, that will never work if he's forcing his will on you or anyone else. Sexual expectations driven by porn, along with aggression and dominance are a dangerous mix.

 

I've never been able to understand why people stay within abusive relationships. Whether it be verbally, emotionally, physically, or financially they tend to never fully change in the long run. I'd suggest you bail out of this toxic relationship.

 

My first suggestion is that you need to address the abusive nature of the relationship which may mean leaving him. I have never known of an abusive relationship that turns around into something the female can really relax in. It seems she will always be 'looking over her shoulder' in case he kicks off again and that is not a healthy way to live your life, imv.

The other aspect is one that many people seem not to understand. When a guy discovers that he likes his butt hole payed with, it does not mean he is gay or bi or even that he has such tendencies. It just means he is aware of his own sexuality and his being and he isn't so shy as not to let you know. It may also be that he likes his bum played with by you and that he would not let a guy near him. So I hope you don't conflate the fact that he likes bum play with him being bi or gay. Two different things. Sexual stimulation can come from anywhere and many guys say that other guys are better. Being gay or bi is, imv, a matter of head to head rather than physical, which means it's perfectly possible that a guy will let another guy stimulate him and that he is not gay. Look at rainbow. Note that there is no clear line between any of the colours. That's a bit like sexual preferences, imv. There's no line to cross. there's an ability to try another shade, without fully having left you own shade.

For me, yes, I would let my partner play with my bum. I would let another guy play with with me. I would play with him subject to him being visually appealing. However, I am not gay. my mind is totally drawn to women and any manplay would initially be to satisfy a curiosity and thereafter to get the orgasmic hit that another guy could give me. And the I would go back to my GF/FB and enjoy the mental connection we have as we play.

Re 'porn addiction'; was he watching gay porn? Was he addicted or did he just use it a lot - a lot more than you liked?
Might it be possible that having watched the porn, and now knowing he likes his butt hole teased, that he wants to try what he has seen in porn, ie, being pegged?