Is Marriage Just Crap ?

Ah! Silly me! Is that what that was? Did I misread that chapter?

I thought it went like this:

Chapter 1: Nobody needs a person that questions things, they need a do'er.
"Nobody needs a philosopher, they need a do'er."

"Philosophy is a way of THINKING about the world, the universe, and society. It works by asking very basic questions about the nature of human thought, the nature of the universe, and the connections between them. The ideas in philosophy are often general and abstract."

I get what you're trying to say but I believe it to be irrational.

 

I've never claimed to be a rational person, I live on whims.

 

It's all good. Me too! XD

 

i loved philosophy in college. i kind of wish i had done that as my major instead of my minor.

but, i was also stoned all the time back then.

 

Didn't realise this thread was resurrected after such a long time. Why do marriages break? Mostly because sexual frustration, which, in "extreme" (read: normal) cases lead to cheating. I have been married for 10 years to someone who has been the only partner (also sexually) in my life. I have also been an intensive spiritual seeker since before marriage. I also have a strong interest in anthropology, more specifically the comparative study of the ways different cultures in the world live and think about the world, with a special interest in how humans living in "primitive" tribal communities view relationships. But more importantly than these, or rather should I say more fundamentally, I am a male.

In this thread we see as the basis of the question the single greatest architypal struggle of human adversary relationships - "infidelity". I used quotation marks because in ultimate reality there is no such thing, except for being true or untrue to yourself, meaning living who you know yourself to be vs. acting/pretending. I was thinking about this very theme yesterday. I was baffled by the realisation of how, for thousands of years, females have apparently had the never-ending agenda of trying to bend males' nature and free will into something that they (males) are not - yes, I am talking about monogamy. Every single direction you might use to approach this question will come to the same conclusion, be it anthropology, primatology, biology, or evolutionary psychology - you will always come to realise that male humans are not monogamistic creatures, and it goes much deeper than the genes, it is something that is etched into the deepest parts of what a male is. In case you doubt this I recommend the book Sex at Dawn, which provides a light introduction into this exact subject.

Human males, as females like to put it, "think with their dicks". This is not only a figure of speech, this is a science fact. (Google it for some fun facts, like in this article: Science Confirms: Men Think With Their Dicks ) While women enter into relationships for security, men enter into relationships for sex. This is a gross simplification of things and misses a few things, but for our argument here it forms an apt and not-too-inaccurate basis. We men want sex as often as we can, and WE DON'T CARE WHERE IT COMES FROM. Yes, we all have our tastes, but sometimes even that is ignored for the sake of "one more adventure". A partner for a man is simply a female who is (or should ideally be) available for sex at greater frequency than if he had no partner (at least as things stand in our fu*ked up western societies today). This increased relative frequency comes at the expense of variety, and since most women can't keep up anyway, most men will see chasing more variety not having a large enough price to avoid, sex with the partner being "not frequent enough anyway". I will give you a clue: most men want "it" every day, preferably 2-3 times, preferably in a variety of forms - let your imagination loose. There is virtually no woman on the planet who will, for whatever reason, be a partner in such, unless she's a nympho.

For this reason monogamy is simply not a viable avenue of existence for a man, and even if they do actually seem to exist in such a situation (like myself) it does not mean that they are content and happy - marriages are filled with frustration and mental and emotional suffering for men, which is exactly why about half of marriages (at least here in the UK but I am aware of significantly high figures across the globe) end up in divorce, and here is the kicker: this number does not include separated couples, and even if they remain together does not mean they are faithful, or happy, most frustrated couples that do stay together do so only because they have kids, or for financial reasons, etc.

So my question is this: what kind of a loving wife can watch their husbands living their lives frustrated every day, with something that goes DEEPLY against their nature and every fiber of what they are? What kind of person is happy not allowing another person to be who they truly are, to express themselves in a way that causes others no harm, loss or damage? What about all humans giving love freely to all who would request it? There is enough of us on this planet to share love around. Why keep playing social games that are against human nature?

One more thing that might be relevant here. Indeed, why “cheat”? Why go behind women’s backs? Ladies, the answer is very simple: if we knew we can trust you, that we can rely on your love, support, and for fu*k’s sake, your UNDERSTANDING, we would not “cheat”. We would at last feel that we can be who we truly are without being judged for it. As for you, you would have figure out what true love is. It’s called unconditional love. It is the opposite of “I will give/show you love AS LONG AS…!

 

^^^^^^ I disagree with the above - on certain points.

Marriage can be great ……….. but only IF both partners WILLINGLY put in the time & effort to make it great. When either the man or the woman has to be coaxed, prodded, reminded, complained to, etc. - someone's not holding up their end. We all fail at times - but the real problem is when WE DON'T DO WHAT'S NECESSARY TO CORRECT OUR NEGLIGENT BEHAVIOR. And this cuts both ways. Being loving, thoughtful, and caring about your spouse and their needs shouldn't be just words. They should be a way of life!!! When each one treats the other like gold - marriage can be spectacular!!

 

Your post may apply to some people but you're an idiot if you think this IS how it is for all men and women.

I have known several men passionate about the concept of monogamy. I've met women who are not.

 

I love how all of this stuff is presented as fact as if lesbians don't exist.

 

Yes you can do that with out pot.

 

My wife rarely smokes, just maybe a few puffs if we are on MDMA or at a concert or out somewhere if she's not driving, basically sober 99% of the time. That actually helps our marriage cause I don't have to drive anywhere so I can get blitzed and drunk and know I got a safe ride home.

 

???

In respect to what?

His post was basically about the wife not putting out enough


Why would he talk about lesbians? He doesn't know what goes on with them

 

in that respect

 

Oh, that part

Yeah ok, got ya

Agreed

 

Marriage is like anything that requires participation, you only get out as much as you put in, the big one for me is how many people get married for the wrong reasons. When I met my 2nd wife (current) it was a whirlwind thing, we met on the 23rd of July 1999, and got married on the 27th of November 1999. it wasn't her that pushed for marriage, it was me, and I did it for the best of reasons.
She'd been in a ltr for years and had 4 grown up kids, her ex had been promising to marry her for years, but when it came down to it always found an excuse not to, he really had no intention I don't think, this made her very insecure and hesitant about getting involved again. So I said that if we were going to get involved long term, we had to get married, I think this showed her I was commited.
We both worked although my job was more flexible than hers, so we had an agreement, whoever got home first made dinner, I've always cooked and enjoy doing it, so more often than not, I'd have a meal ready when she got home, we also share the housework, on our first Christmas together I insisted that I was cooking the lunch, and that we were going to the pub too, she couldn't believe it, with her ex he'd always gone to the pub leaving her at home to get lunch ready, he was a bit of a lazy sod and did bugger all in the house, this led to a really funny incident not long after I moved in.
The kids had left home except her daughter, who was 17, we kept talking about things and she'd say things like how she'd like the bedroom decorated, or how this needed repairing, or that needed replacing. Although she'd been on her own for several years to me the house still reminded me of her ex, it had to change. I arraanged some time off work and after she left I began my plan, I went upstairs and destroyed all the bedroom furniture, then threw it all out of the window, next I took off the bedroom door, and tore up the carpet. I then went downstairs and started on the lounge, carpet up, door off, doorframe out, achitraves and skirting boards off, the lot went.
Her daughter went into panic and rang her at work, "mum, Phil's gone mad, he's wrecking the house" she told her what was happening and she told one of her workmates who'd known me for years, in fact it was the one who'd introduced us, "oh don't worry, he's marking his territory, he'll be fine" she told her.
By the time she came home that evening, I'd got rid of all the rubbish, replaced the doors, skirtings and architraves, then stopped. I told her I was unable to go any further, as we hadn't decided on what we wanted. so we sat down and picked new stuff together, which I went and got over the next few days, we papered and painted, she already knew how to do that, I taught her how to use power tools and she actively got involved with them. Over the next few years we totally revamped the whole house and garden, together.
Later when I was very ill she'd no problem looking after me, she had a lot to deal with I can tell you, a good marriage is something like a house, you have to build it and you have to maintain it over the years, otherwise, just like a house it will eventually fail.

 

yes i think so....... i have more sex than my married friends!

 

38 years yesterday !

 

Oh wow! thats nice!

 

All I can say about marriage to those who are or will be in the foreseeable future, is, good luck and enjoy.

And to @Mallyboppa
Congratulations and happy Anniversary!

 

In liverpool now at the cavern club with my son its buzzin

 

You can have as much sex as you like in marriage. You will also have very high quality sex in marriage provided both partners are sexually combatible. I agree people can have variety of people to have sex with when you are outside marriage. I have no experience. But it carries lots of risk and I am not sure one will get full satisfaction with new partners all the time.