So the past year my husband and I have been going through a rough patch from hell. Since being together I have found emails on his phone of him flirting with other women and his search history asking for mistresses near him. I cheated on him twice to which he found out last year (June). One of which was with his best friend. Ever since then he has become controlling and not allowing me any time to myself unless I'm with my best friend because he can't stand to be around her. Recently, we have gotten into another argument because I went through his phone and found what looked like something that would put him in jail and it had opened up old wounds for me. He swears up and down that it is not what it looks like and went on an hour long speech about how wrong it was. I believe him but now the fact of the matter is that since I was a victim of this matter, it's like I have this sexual unattraction for him. Every time we have intercourse my mind tells me that it's wrong and I shouldn't be doing this. I told him this today during another argument and he started to cry and apologize. I said I don't know if we could come back from this. I don't know what I should do now. I would at least like to try and end our relationship on good terms if I can't save it but I'm not sure if that's possible.
Something that would put him in jail? I hope you are not talking about what I think you are talking about, if you are covering up for him......
Honestly it doesn't sound like it can be saved, and even if you could save it, then what would be the reason when there is no trust left between the two of you, I guess you have to ask your self "can trust be restored" both on your part and on his, otherwise you'll just have an unhealthy relationship leading nowhere as far as I see it.
Marriage counseling sounds like it would be worth a try. You may be better off ending the marriage than trying to save it, from the sound of it
Since there is a trust problem on both sides that appear to be impossible to overcome, it may be better to move on. Just be advised that divorce is ugly. Rarely does it end friendly.
I'm pretty sure you know the answer to your question, This comment about Jail really has me worried and you could also end up in some trouble over it
If you found something on his phone then its probably exactly what it looks like, what else could it be? I assume you're talking a out a picture or pictures or videos And even though you claim to believe him the fact that what you found makes it hard to have sex with him says otherwise. I don't know if you're talking about what I think you're talking about but if so, trust your gut and get out of that situation. Turn in his phone to the authorities while you're at it
Unless you guys have children I would just walk away. Why work on a bad relationship when you could start on a good one?
So an update to the situation, I've decided we have nothing to save and I believe that it is best to leave. But I'm not sure how to do it because yesterday I found a crumpled note on the floor which said things like he felt like no one wants him around anymore and that if he were to die no one would care. He feels like I'm trying to find someone new and that I want out of our relationship. So obviously this letter was thrown on the ground for me to find. I've known him to have his moments in which case I've always been there for him and helped him recoup, but now that our marriage is ending I don't know how to go about ending it in a way that he doesn't harm himself or others.
It sounds to me like he should have left when you told him about the affairs. But that was last June? Um, I would say in response to your original question, yes it is too late. Now the new question becomes will he become self-destructive. To that I say it isn't ultimately your responsibility. Can you call his parents? Tell someone. Tell the police if you have to. They may do what is called a welfare check. This is usually reserved when someone isn't answering the phone or the door and stuff like that. But they will know what to do.
Couples counseling doesn't have to be about saving a marriage. I think you could go into it with the goal of ending the marriage as gracefully as possible.
Please go for extended couples counseling prior to ending your marriage. You may regret not doing it later on. If exhaustive counseling does not help, pack it in then!
