Is it so? Is it OK? (Bi for the right reasons)

I suspect part of the reason I like men is to combat depression. My depression comes mainly from failure in pursuits of women. Keep in mind I'm 47 years old and never even close to ever being married. This might be an important factor. It's also probably easy to see I'm pretty sexually frustrated too, not to mention the abysmal emotional void.

The idea of fooling around with guys to me is exciting, exotic. It also adds purpose to my life: to explore something I've never explored before and something that isn't exactly encouraged. It's a kind of an adventure. And it potentially addresses my frustrations.

So for those looking from the outside, does it seem I'm looking to explore the same sex just to add some excitement in my boring, bleak life? And if so is it a valid reason?

I don't necessarily expect direct answers to these questions. Any insights, or even questions for me would be appreciated.

 

Questions...
What are you attracted to? The male form or the female form?
Are you attracted to a person? To a personality?
Are you looking for companionship or just a diversion?
What is sex to you?
What is a relationship to you?
Are you looking for answers or attention?

These may seem like hard questions but they need to be asked. By you, to you. You already know the answers. Its honesty you should search for. As for if being bi is right for you? It depends on how you see yourself.

If you see someone who isn't interested in women then you are not bi. But if you see someone who has difficulty connecting with women, that can be addressed and you may not be bi.
The same can be said of your interests in men. And again you may not be bi.

But if attraction for you is based upon the person and not genitalia or you find both the male and female forms both arousing and sexually satisfying to your tastes, then yeah maybe you are bi. Only you can tell you that.

If you are unsure due to depression, address the source and symptoms first. Once healthy and gratified of mind and spirit, physical health and gratification soon follow.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this and give a detailed answer, or rather questions.
I've had some time to think about this since February. I think my confusion is a result of a combination of not understanding my bi-cycle and residual internalized homophobia. It's like I was proposing a reason to invalidate my feelings to test the validity of them. What I have concluded is if I were naturally repulsed from the same sex, I certainly wouldn't reverse my repulsion to deal with insufficiencies in other areas of my life.
So to more directly address your questions:
I'm attracted to both the male and female forms, both for different reasons. I prefer the female form, but the male isn't without its charm. I'm attracted to bodies and faces, but also to people. All those are important, though looks are slowly losing importance as I age.
I'm very much interested in companionship with a woman, but I have lost faith of that ever happening. So the depression is very much still there. I'm not nearly interested in companionship with a man. My interest is limited to meeting a few times a week to hang out: go fishing or play poker, for example, and yes, have sex.
My attraction to a woman is a complex, interrelated combination of looks, personality, and sex appeal. My attraction to men is mostly sexual. I would say I'm looking for a companion with a woman. With a man also but not to the same degree. Maybe I'm looking for a diversion too because it gets lonely in my life. But I'm not saying I'm so desperate I'd be willing to sleep with a guy. I want to do this because I think I would really enjoy it in itself.
Now it starts to get tricky.
To me good sex is not just sex. There is some kind of connection with the people participating. You're sharing intimate sides of each other. You leave yourself vulnerable but the reward is you have access to so much more pleasure. The other person or people matter. Otherwise you might as well masturbate.
I don't know much what a relationship is since I haven't had one in years. I know it's being in bliss with each other but I also know it's sacrificing, it's compromising, it's making difficult decisions. There's a lot of work but there's a lot of reward.
I am still looking for answers though not as much as I used to. A lot has become clear to me over the years. At this point the answers are ones that can come only from deeper relationships with people, not chatting with people over the Internet, though I do appreciate such communication and such folks dearly.
And maybe I am looking for attention, and the nature of it differs between the sexes. With men I tend to want to present myself as kind of a sex object, someone who can be used to gratify someone sexually. With women, I crave for them to look deep in my soul, my deepest vault, find something that appeals to them, and be impressed and also willing to return the favor. Hopefully an infinite reciprocation of this occurs until the comfort level of access to each other is higher and higher.

I realize your intent was to present these questions for me, not necessarily to read my answers and further comment. I want to keep a record of how I feel at the moment and be able to come back to this in the future to figure this out, or figure out what may by an issue in the future by reading this. So that's why I went all out in writing all this. Thanks again for writing this. It has helped clarify some things for me a bit.

 

I realized even as a young teen boy that I am attracted to guys as much and often more than girls. I have more in common with guys, work, sports, hunting, fishing, camping out and being nude with a sexual friend in isolated places. That gives us something to do and to talk about when I don't have his dick in my mouth.

To answer your question. YES it is OK to be a bi guy.

I think there are levels to Bi guys. Some are looking to develop a life long loving relationship.
Some are mostly interested is pure sex, any warm wet hole man or woman will do.
For others sex is secondary to them and are mostly looking for friendship, FWB if you will.
It is likely 50% are more gay than bi but can't bring themselves to say the words 'I'm gay'.
A few are into whips, pain and bondage, being dominated forced to perform unusual sometimes un-natural sex acts. Feeling their secrets are safe when shared with a man.

I don't know where you fit in but I hope you soon find that special guy or gal for a happier life.

 

I enjoy being a bisexual man, and I encourage other bi men to appreciate this gift, including you, soulpoker.

Most men are really quite trapped and inhibited because of their conditioned homophobia and restricted emotional range. Some poor men are conditioned not to feel much of anything at all.

I lucked out and learned early in life that both men and women can be intimate and special in my life. A considerate and sensual person can appear in your life from anywhere on the gender spectrum.

 

You're definitely struggling far more than I myself did while in a heterosexual marriage and secretly exploring the pleasures another mans anatomy can provide one's sexual libido. For almost 20 years of my first 25 year marriage I was indulging into mutual oral sex with other married men and go home and share a fabulous evening of sex with my wife as she was none-the-wiser that a mans cock just spewed its load of cum into the mouth she's kissing not but 2-3 hours earlier, those thoughts excited me, turned me on, fueled my sexual desire for her and to seek out another man for a repeat experience as my desire's for "man sex" became overwhelming to the point I was having/giving oral sex to multiple men a day...I was "sex crazed" with what both genders provided my sexual desires. Many times I questioned myself if I was meant to be gay, am I gay, am I heterosexual, what is happening? I crave cock and pussy, the "rawness", affections, feelings, and tenderness of making love to a woman as a dominant while also making myself vulnerable to allow my feminine, submissive side get down between a man's legs and orally pleasure his cock and balls until he reaches his climax of pleasure and release himself into my mouth as I savor his flavor before swallowing his seed. Knowing I can and enjoy doing so fueled my desires to continue doing so yet return to my wife and provide the dominate sex that she and I always desired and enjoyed. It wasn't until after she and I divorced for reasons other than what I just described that I came to the realization that I am bisexual knowing I enjoy the sexual pleasure that both men and women are able to provide me, but more-so the sexual pleasures I can provide them with total enjoyment without a thought. I'm able to simply just jump off the diving board into the pool...regardless of gender. I learned a lot of myself and accepted things that going forward I was not going to deny myself nor and potential partner if another relationship were to evolve. Well, I met my present wife 7 years ago and told her of my past, my sexual desires, my sexual experiences and she did with me as well. She was more than accepting, she was understanding and also curious as she'd never been with a man (who enjoyed sex with other men) so open and exploratory with his sex life as I was. She's witnessed, participated, and encourages I continue to be the man she married as our relationship and sex life has bonded even deeper and stronger being she has never denied me enjoying "man-sex" with our boyfriend (he was mine before I met her) whom she's come to know and enjoy in sexual encounters as well. I know I rambled on and probably got off subject and I apologize, I'm horny and was in the mood to share.

To answer your question. You explore what ever it is that will satisfy what you feel you need and while doing so accept what you experience as simply an enjoyable encounter between to people. It's difficult, but sex with either the opposite gender or the same gender can have some unbelievable outcomes, they provide different experiences and feelings. Embrace each, and if one (whether with a male or female) dominates your sexual life...Just embrace it and go with whichever pleases you. I'm not one "big" on labels for peoples sexual preferences and I'm certainly not one who supports the 40 some sexual profiles tossed out to describe people...that's bullshit. Yes, I'm willing to state I am bisexual but what does that really mean? To me it tells my wife and I that I'm as diverse as they come and willing to have enjoyable sex with either a man or a woman and many times I've done both at the same time as has my present wife. To us, it's simple our sexual preference at the time that will provide us with an enjoyable experience unlike those who choose to be what I call "plain & ordinary" within what can become a very dull and boring sex life as you age into your senior years. My wife and I prefer to keep our sexual doors open to what ever may walk through as we know we're only here on Earth for a very short period of time so one must enjoy life to it's fullest potential in ever aspect. It's all good...what happens behind four walls can stay behind four walls and the rest of the world means nothing as what we/you do is your business period!