Is it possible?

It's absolutely rediculous to think that men and women can be friends without evolving into more than that. I enjoy male company far more than female...It's not like all my male friends are suddenly going to fall for me and then I'd be obligated to screw with all of them...rubbish.

 

reading that..and other posts from you here its made me look at this from a different perspective... I dont have heaps of friends... not really close ones anyway.. some come and go and some and some stay in my life for longer... but you made me think about what it was about each of them...male of female..that attracted me to them initially... with the girls it was their personality only.. with the guys?...hmm..difficult one.. if i'm honest theres something i also find physicaly attractive...even if its just the way they smile..maybe even just their voice... but a true friend like the one i have been talking about...one that you let into every aspect of your life and mind does become something more... i'd never analysed us before.. he was just there and very special to me... and youre right about it being awkward.. because where before there were comfortable silences..they've been replaced by an awareness that wasnt there before. so i guess no..it isnt truly possible..if the friendship goes on for long enough then whatever it was that first attracted you to this person will grow and eventualy surface as something physical...acting on that is a choice you have and not obligatory as someone posted. Hacker... for me this thread was perfectly timed as its coincided with a time in my life when i've been questioning just that....and seeing your balanced views on this has helped me to start dealing with it.....damn this is more complex than it first appears..!!!!

 

I think that it is different for women and men. No, us guys can't just be friends with a girl. Not after we try to take it to the next level. Once I tell a girl how I really feel about her, I can't just be friends. If she does not feel the same way, and just wants to be friends, she means well, and really is a true friend, but if I am in love with her, and I have to hold it back, then I am being dishonest with her and friends are honest with friends. If you try to be friends after telling her how you really feel, she knows you love her, but she does not love you in the same way, it really hurts, and eventually it falls apart. If you are in love with her and she just wants to be friends, don't tell her how you really feel . You only end up hurting each other in the end. hold it in, and just try to be friends unless you think she might feel the same way. Think it over before you tell her how you really feel. I am in love with a good friend of mine, but she does not feel the same way about me.(I don't think she does) so I won't tell her. I want to , but it would probably fuck things up.

LOVE HURTS

 

you've never met a girl you didn't wanna fuck?

 

I do what I can to help... heh...

Seriously, I appreciate your comments. I think I may have out some people off by this post. I wasn't trying to hurt anyone by offering an opinion. When I had a discussion about this with some friends, it really got me thinking. I really feel that there HAS to be an attraction of sorts in order persue a friendship. Not necessarily physically, but something attracts you to them. Someone you initially might not consider a love interest can evolve into one if you spend years as friends and get to love the person they are inside.

Speaking from an experience I had myself, I know that confessing your love for a friend can really create waves, but I honestly can't understand it. When one person rejects you, it is just that, the opinion of ONE PERSON. Not everyone will find you attractive, but I know that there is someone for everyone. I was so in love with this girl I went to school with, but she only knew me as an aquaintance. After school was over we both went our seperate ways, and then suddenly, 10 years later, we started emailing each other. We really became great friends. I admit that my attraction for her never died, and that hearing from her turned my world upside down. Eventually, I told her my true feelings, but we both agreed that being in relationships, we could NOT persue anything together. This happened several years ago, and we are still best of friends. Would I if things were different for me today? Oh hell yes. But, I have been able to draw a boundary, and I never consider seriously going there. It can be difficult at times though. When she has trouble with her relationship, she vents to me, and I feel bad because I would never treat her that way. But, still I keep things on the up and up and she still asks for my opinions on things.

I think those of us that have had a friend that we fell for know how deep this question is. Other, may not have experienced this and are able to honestly say that they can be just friends. That's cool. But, I for one have to agree with your comments. We should get together sometime and compare notes. It seems like you know exactly what I went through...

 

Speaking only for myself, I have to say that screwing around is never my first thought. But I admit that any girl that I consider to have as a friend starts with a puppy love sort of attraction. From my past experiences, without fail this feeling grows and become much more so a sexual attraction. It always starts innocently enough.

And I have met girls that just didn't fire a spark for me. I can be cordial, but I wouldn't really consider them friends of mine. It's the ones that I tell my secrets to, and form a trust with, they become the objects of my affection over time.

 

Hacker - yes i think i know what you went through.. but you say you dont understand why confessing your love for someone creates waves.. i can only speak for me so here goes.....
There HAS to be an attraction of some kind on BOTH sides for a friendship to begin.. true friendship is something that develops over time... and for me that doesnt include the mates we have fun and socialise with.. thats not true friendship.. thats just people we know that are fun to be around.. not superficial..just not deep...
with my friend i feel so comfortable with him.. he is the only person that truly knows me.. warts and all and still he's there for me..and i for him.. but in telling me he feels something deeper...thats just scary... so many 'what ifs'... this man is so important to me that i'm scared of losing the friendship we have.. of course i fancy him... he's amazing... but i couldnt let him know that... would i risk losing my best mate?..how do i know that if i let it go further we could cope with it?...I'm not prepared yet to loose him... and i see that for you with your friend..watching her go from fuck up to fuck up is hard....but maybe she feels as i do... would she risk losing YOU..?

 

Interesting... but if there is love there... what would be keeping two single people apart? I understand you risk losing a friend, but to me, if you are really friends, sex could confuse things, but kill a true friendship? In my case the thing keeping us from hooking up is my current relationship. I've got no reason to end it. None. Nor am I looking for a reason. That is where character comes into play. Sure, I have these feelings for this friend of mine, but I could never sell out to my current love. Just can't do that. What makes it all worse is that I feel a "soulmate" connection to both women, but in two different ways. It's almost like a brother-sister thing with her simply because we know we can't go there...

Now if we were both single... heheheheheheh....

 

Ofcourse girls and guys can just be friends. Most people just don't think so because they're subconscience wants attention so you depend on that "friend" to give you attention an if they do give any it can be misinterpreted