Is he playing? Feeling stupid, foolish, and heartbroken

This guy who lives in my neighborhood and I started communicating and occassionally seeing each other in September 2023. We both are busy and don't get to see each other often. He works 8-12 hours a day, and I am unemployed due to disability and I also am a caregiver for my sickly 92 year old mother.

Over the course of our dynamics, him and I have had problems and sometimes have cut communication with each other multiple times but so far have always ventured back to one another. In the time we've been communicating he expressed to me that he thinks I'm a nice person whose morals and virtues align with his, that he wants to eventually marry and start a family with. We both have expressed and exchanged feelings of fondness towards one another.

We've had xes twice and each time after, he cuts off communicating and has ghost me. The first time we had xes was 6 months ago..he ghosted me for a short while..and later apologized and said that it was due to him feeling insecure and questioning his size, performance, and capabilities. . We just had xes for the second time 3 days ago, and I haven't heard from since, and he's been ignoring my texts.. I have only texted him twice. Once to ask how he was feeling..the other to wish him a good day ahead.

Him ghosting me last time lasted for about 2 weeks.. then he texted me apologizing, saying he missed me and told me things were not okay with him and he questioned me if I had been satisfied.

Last week he had about 2 guys over for company...or so I thought.. I had asked a few minutes before I knew of his company, if he wanted to see me then..in which he never responded.that day..not even to tell me he's busy...
I thought that was strange because he's always asking to spend more time with me..even if it's a quick hug.. He has left company before to see me for a hug.

I am almost certain that I saw him there with another woman as well and they were making out..
He swears that there are no other women..
During our breaks, on his way to and from work he often looks at my house as if hoping to see me.
Is he playing me, and perhaps only using me for sex, to fill voids of loneliness and ego boost???

Does he mean anything he tells me?? Are these red flags and should I end things once and for all??

 

I think it's impossible for someone in your shoes to give enough info in a post, such that we cold give you a definitive response.

What I would suggest is that when a guy wants a woman just for sex he will distance himself afterwards, for days or a few weeks, and then, when he needs it again, he'll be all sweetness and light.

If you do meet with him again, I reckon you shouldn't have sex. Maybe if you need it, have an orgasm but don't let him 'have you'.
If he gets upset or annoyed it'll be his problem and a problem caused by him ghosting you and giving you the specific perception that he has given.

You're clearly attractive and that means there's plenty of other fish in the sea. If being isolated from a sizeable chunk of adults, please try to find time and ways to mix with more people.
It's important to maintain your own self-esteem and not let notions come to you such as nobody 'wants you'.

Be careful too, because a horny guy will sometimes try to align his thoughts/principles/long-term plans with that/those of a woman he wants to get to bed.

hth

 

It's my belief that pretty much all women meet and interact with one or more jerks in their lives and usually learn how and when to decide a man is or could be --a jerk. It doesn't seem fair that he contacts you --seemingly---when he wants sex and disappears in effect afterwards. He could be a jerk , for sure. However---I don't know that it's wrong for you to have sex with this guy---maybe just don't expect any more than that from him. You say you are disabled, so it's impossible to know (here) if you can get out to meet other folks for dating and / or friendship. I hope you can--you deserve to be loved and respected, but that doesn't seem to be the case with the guy in question.

If you are feeling heartbroken--you know there is something wrong.

 

I won't say anything bad about his motives or behaviors, nor yours. I don't know either of you. However, what is clear to me from your posting is that you are not a good match for each other.

What you have doesn't have the basic ingredients for a healthy relationship between two people. He's not that into you. I don't see any reason that you should be into him. It's time to part ways and simply exchange a wave or "good morning" when you encounter each other, as you would anyone else in the neighborhood.

Working long hours, he's going to have trouble finding a match and giving a relationship what it takes to make it work. Caring full-time for your mother, you are going to have trouble finding a match and giving a relationship what it takes to make it work, but it is possible, just not with him.

It's time to move on, to see him as simply a neighbor, and not as a friend, nor a friend with benefits, nor a partnership prospect. You don't even have to tell him that whatever you had, emphasis on "whatever," is over. It was over the first time he ghosted you. Don't invite him into your life. He's not good for you, nor you apparently for him.

Don't text him. Don't reply to his texts. Don't cross the street to speak with him. Wave or nod your head and keep moving.

 

When I first met Jane, we met now and again, depending on our work, including for a few meals.
The big difference, was that other than a few hugs, we were not in a physical relationship.

As I have posted more than once on similar threads. Friendship can develop into love, but the reverse is rarely true.

 

Do we know what a cum dump is? That seems to be what the OP is to this neighbor. Then after he dumps his cum he feels guilty and avoids the issue until he needs to dump some more cum. If you don't want to be a cum dump then avoid the neighbor from now on. Take care of Mom and yourself. Find a BF who would rather have a relationship than a place to dump his load. you'll be better off for it.

 

Also known as a 'fire bucket'. I agree with straightma1e.

 

How can I be that when we've only had sex twice in the 7 months that we were in a relationship? The sex was months apart.


We spoke multiple times daily. When he got home from work, soon after he would initiate conversation.

How is a person with over a 8,000+ text thread between them and another person a "cum" dump??

Do you think it is just his insecurities about his size and sexual performance?? Or he just changed his mind about me?? Did he really care??

It's been 3 weeks currently since we've last spoken. The wounds are still fresh and I am very heartbroken.

Should I confront him?? Or is that a bad idea? I don't want to be reeled back in, or let him know I'm hurting

 

See post 4.