I'm a married Bi guy who's not out regarding my bisexuality to anyone close to me, other than my wife. I'd like to hear other bi/gay guys opinions and thoughts to a curious, yet serious question I've wondered about for quite some time now... Is "gaydar" a real thing ? While I haven't personally questioned my sexual orientation/identity since my early teens, I'm also not one to knowingly flaunt or "openly" discuss my sexuality towards others either, especially friends and family. I've always thought of myself as being "straight acting" and fairly masculine, essentially just a "typical guy". By all outward appearances I am just a typical, normal guy, as I'm really into cars, sports, drinking beers, and most importantly, women. Not being the type to just willingly share my sexual preferences/interests (I wouldn't lie about it if asked though)with those who seem to know me best hasn't always been a particularly easy feat though, either. Ironically, I've had the hots for and biggest "man crush" on my best friend of 30 years since we were in junior high school, and to my knowledge, he's never noticed. The only other person I have had those same kind of true, genuine, heartfelt romantic/sexual feelings/love for is my wife. Not being one to keep any secrets from her, I have shared how I feel about him with my wife, but never actually with him, because he's never shown even the slightest inkling that he's interested in guys like that, and I'm not willing to risk the possibility of losing my best friend. Maybe I'll tell him some day, but I doubt it'll be any time soon. Despite trying to be nonchalant regarding my true sexual orientation around those closest to me, I have actually been told by more than a couple of openly gay men (most of them being acquaintances, some masculine, and some that are flamboyantly "feminine"), one of them being a really good friend of my wife (who btw, is a hottie ) that I definitely tend to give off "certain vibes" that indicate I'm NOT straight, and even flirt with me. I, myself, don't personally know any openly bisexual guys, and none of my friends, male or female have ever confronted (privately or publicly "assumed") I'm anything but "straight". So, my question is... Am I just fooling myself in believing that I'm more "straight acting" than I actually am, or are some gay men really be able to tell if other guys are definitely NOT straight ? I've heard of this being something a lot of bisexual and lesbian women experience when it comes to other women (not really knowing without directly asking), but yet some gay men just seem to "instinctively" know when another guy is either bisexual or gay. Mainly looking for other gay leaning bisexual, and especially gay guys' thoughts and opinions on this, but I more than welcome the women to chime in and share their thoughts on this too
Gadar is bullshit. Gay and lesbian friends say they might feel an attraction to someone and wish there was some sort of signal or a secret handshake. If there is any such sign, they did not know about it. I've been bi for over 30 years with very few hookups outside bi/gay sites. I have been openly approached by gay men who thought I was straight only to be surprised when I accepted their offer. One said he was "hoping but was just flirting." Of course, gaydar is more likely to work in a gay friendly environment, such as a gay bar or Pride parade. .
Without seeing what you look & act like it's pretty impossible to say if you give out 'gay vibes'. Plus, I'd also say with regards the gaydar thing some people are quite apt at spotting gays others see gayness in pretty much everyone.
An obvious "flamer" as many call them is easy to detect for all people but I think most are undetectable to the public. JMO
I've often wondered......but when I look back on my life I realise that the guys who I was most attracted to, and got on well with, as friends were probably bi or gay. At other times I believe that u can pick certain guys out, even if they r not obviously or flamboyantly gay; just not always. Simon
