Is chivalry dead?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by RainyDayHype, Jun 5, 2013.

  1. RainyDayHype

    RainyDayHype flower power Lifetime Supporter

    What are some things you consider to be chivalrous acts? I appreciate when a man does things for me like open a door or help me carry something heavy. I think it's very sweet. I've also met guys that are so oblivious to being chivalrous.
    Men, does chivalry come natural to you? or do you have to make a conscious decision to be chivalrous? What makes a person do chivalrous acts?
    Women, have you noticed a decline in chivalry?
    I guess I'd like to know everyone's views on chivalry and discuss.
  2. rollingalong

    rollingalong Banned

    natural to me:)

    but i'm no young punk
  3. eggsprog

    eggsprog anti gang marriage HipForums Supporter

    I open doors for my wife, but she does the same thing for me. I carry things for her sometimes, but only because I'm bigger and stronger, not because she is a woman. If I were a woman, I think I would find the concept of chivalry offensive.
  4. RainyDayHype

    RainyDayHype flower power Lifetime Supporter

    Hm, see, I would never find it offensive. I just find it polite.
  5. RainyDayHype

    RainyDayHype flower power Lifetime Supporter

    ..Do you think many men refrain from being chivalrous because they assume or fear the woman may find it offensive?
  6. wobs

    wobs Senior Member

    i think its how you have been brought up,i.e treat people as you expect to be treated
  7. guerillabedlam

    guerillabedlam _|=|-|=|_

    Chivalry is largely dying due to the fact that women are in most respects socially on an equal pedestal with men now. Most chivalry stemmed from medieval knights upholding some sort of purity, virtue and vulnerability of the feminine which western culture doesn't really value anymore.

    Women are more sexually and financially independent now, so for myself... I still find some ineffable, natural quality of attraction to the opposite sex which may make me treat a woman differently in some respects like buying a dinner, but I don't really value chilvary much.
  8. RainyDayHype

    RainyDayHype flower power Lifetime Supporter

    I was just thinking, maybe a better title for the thread would have been 'Who killed chivalry?'
  9. RainyDayHype

    RainyDayHype flower power Lifetime Supporter

    and when you kill chivalry, do you essentially also kill some politeness and manners?
  10. largeamount

    largeamount Senior Member

    I hold doors open for everyone it is kind of rude not to.
  11. Nyxx


    I like it when anyone holds a door for me, but I find men hold doors open for me more often than the ladies do. I always hold the door for people no matter who it is.
    I guess if we lived in a truly equal society concepts like chivalry would seem very strange to us (That is assuming that chivalry is born out of inequality). Hmmm me thinks the history of chivalry needs looking into.
  12. lively_girl

    lively_girl Member

    I agree to this.

    I consider the act of opening the door for someone (of any gender) a polite and respectful gesture.

    Doing something to show respect for a woman is very different to trying to 'help out', when it is unnecessary or unwanted.

    A woman's wardrobe can be a bit clumsy and impractical (high heels, tight skirts,...), so sometimes we are grateful for a bit of help as long as it's done out of consideration and in moderation.

    Trying to help, without first considering whether it is needed, appropriate and wanted, is just bad form.
  13. guerillabedlam

    guerillabedlam _|=|-|=|_

    No, politeness and manners are customs which predate chivalry. And as some of these other examples suggest, politeness and manners can be extended to everyone.
  14. LetLovinTakeHold

    LetLovinTakeHold Cuz it will if you let it

    It comes naturally for me to be chivalrous. It's the way my Dad raised me, and its the way I will raise my son if/when I have one. I think it's an admirable trait and I don't care that its dying or some people find it offensive.

    One time a very large black woman asked me for a light. I went to light her ciggerette and she smacked my expensive zippo out of my hand and off of the 3 story balcony we were standing on. She went on to call me "evil whitey" because I aparantly "don't trust a nigga wit my lighta." Fuck her. But she won't stop me from doing it again the next time I have the opportunity.
  15. McFuddy

    McFuddy Visitor

    Yeah I have to agree. I just try and be polite to everyone - I'll hold a door open for anyone male or female, it's just the way I was raised.

    And to agree with what eggsprog said - sure I'll carry stuff for my wife, mostly because it is easier for me to do so and hey - you should be doing nice things for your significant other regardless.

    Also if I see a stranger struggling with something, once again regardless of gender I'll ask "You need a hand?" (Unless they're totally about to fuck something up like drop a TV on their foot then I'll just jump in there.)

    I do think in many cases chivalry is dying in terms of a man doing something just because the subject is a female. That's pretty stupid, we should be decent to everyone.
  16. I'm in the chivalry is natural camp also. Though like others, I do hold the door open for anyone, I don't give up my seat on the bus for a man, unless he is very elderly and/or decrepit (or has small children with him). Whereas I will give up my seat to any woman; regardless of age or any other characteristic.
    Also - I have been in several situations where 2 people are yelling at each other or having a heated conflict. If it is 2 men - I hold back unless it becomes physical, whereas if it is a man and a woman - the second he gets aggressive I am stepping in and telling him to relax and cool it.
    So yes - though I believe in equality of politeness, I also practice a sort of big brotherly protectiveness of all women. Whether some want to consider this chivalrous or sexist - is really their call.
  17. LetLovinTakeHold

    LetLovinTakeHold Cuz it will if you let it

    Of course we should be decent to everyone. But there are certain things that I'll do for the ladies that I wouldn't do for the fellas.

    Like lighting someone else's cig. I rarely do that for dudes but very often for women
    If I'm not carrying anything and I'm walking with a female who is, I'll always ask if I could carry whatever it is she's carrying (besides her purse of course). It might just be one bag that she is perfectly calpable of carrying herself but I think it's polite to ask anyway. I won't do that for a guy. Carry your own shit.
    I'm not gonna open my car door for my roomate but when I'm with a lady friend I like to.
  18. roamy

    roamy Senior Member

    it's only simple basic everyday manners ta hold a door open for whoevers comin' behind you,woman or man.
  19. monkjr

    monkjr Senior Member

    That is one of the reasons I believe yes. I'm a fairly nice guy but I've had some situations, I wouldn't even call them dates, go to shit because the woman thought I was patronizing her with what I thought to be a chivalrous act.

    But I digress given what others have said here, perhaps the notion of chivalry has expanded beyond gender boundaries and has morphed or merged with the concept of treating everyone well regardless of gender.

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