Is anyone still up

Discussion in 'The Whiners' started by Takemenow, Jan 20, 2005.

  1. Takemenow

    Takemenow Senior Member

    so... im kinda bored...anyone got any jokes anything fun to entertain the few that are still up and about?
  2. Frog_On_Ice

    Frog_On_Ice Watercolor Paradise

    Holy crap you're pretty lol, hmmmm I made someone scream today I dropped a whole lot of biscuts from up high beside her while she was deciding what to buy he he arnt I terrible :D
  3. I'm still up... You know, it's 8 AM here now. :)
    I should probably study, but I'm just too bored...
  4. Takemenow

    Takemenow Senior Member

    Frog_On_Ice thanks for the petty comment.. its only 1 am here but im visiting my parents and the rest of the house is sleeping
  5. andcrs2

    andcrs2 Senior Member

    0158 here and Sleep won't come...
  6. Frog_On_Ice

    Frog_On_Ice Watercolor Paradise

  7. Takemenow

    Takemenow Senior Member

    hehe cute
  8. Frog_On_Ice

    Frog_On_Ice Watercolor Paradise

    this might give everyone a laugh:

    Old Bob, a seventy year old farmer from Stewart Island, took the boat to Invercargill to see a movie.

    The girl in the ticket office asked, "What's that on your shoulder?"

    "That's my pet chook, Clucky," said Bob. "Wherever I go, Clucky goes."

    "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't allow animals in here."

    Old Bob went around the corner and stuffed Clucky down his trousers.

    Then he bought his ticket and went into the theatre, sitting down next to two little old ladies.

    The movie started and Clucky began to get restless.

    Old Bob unzipped his trousers so Clucky could stick his head out and get some air.

    "Ngaire," whispered Anne, "I think the man next to me is a pervert."

    "Why?" asked Ngaire.

    "He's unzipped his trousers and he has his cock out," whispered Anne.

    "Well, don't worry about it," said Ngaire. "At our age we've seen it all."

    "I know," says Ngaire, "but this one's eating my popcorn!"

    or this one:

    Jack notices that Bob has come back to work after a fortnight's holiday wearing an earring. Bob has often said that any man who wears an earring must be a closet pansy.

    Jack asks, "Why are you wearing an earring Bob?"

    "Get lost," replies Bob.

    "Look Bob, we've been workmates for years and you know you can talk to me freely. How long have you been wearing the earring?"

    "Ever since my wife found it in our bed."

  9. Takemenow

    Takemenow Senior Member

    hehe i like the first one
  10. Takemenow

    Takemenow Senior Member

    An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
    Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
    Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
    Older Woman: Oh, I see.
    Officer: Can I see your license please?
    Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
    Officer: Don't have one?
    Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
    Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
    Older Woman: I can't do that.
    Officer: Why not?
    Older Woman: I stole this car.
    Officer: Stole it?
    Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
    Officer: You what?
    Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
    The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.
    Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.
    A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
    Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
    Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
    Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
    Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
    Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car , The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
    Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
    Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
    Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
    The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
    The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
    Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
    Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
  11. Frog_On_Ice

    Frog_On_Ice Watercolor Paradise

    lol that was so good, thats a great way to get out of a ticket :D
  12. Takemenow

    Takemenow Senior Member

    this isnt really funny.. but intresting...
    1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

    2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
    3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
    4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
    5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
    6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
    7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
    8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
    9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
    10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
  13. Frog_On_Ice

    Frog_On_Ice Watercolor Paradise

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - It's Saturday afternoon and John comes home to find his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

    "Tie me up," she coos, "and you can do whatever you like."

    So he ties her up and goes to watch the NPC.

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    A man walks into the veggie section of a PaknSave in Christchurch and asks to buy half a head of lettuce. The young lad working there tells him they only sell whole lettuces.

    The man demands the boy get a manager.

    Walking into the office, the boy says to his manager, "There's a loser out there wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."

    As he finishes his sentence, he turns and discovers the man is right behind him, so he quickly adds, "and this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

    The manager approves the deal and the man leaves PaknSave happy.

    The manager says to the lad, "I was impressed with the way you handled that situation. We like people with brains here. Where are you from, son?"

    "Greymouth," the boy replies.

    "Why did you leave?" the manager asks.

    The boy says, "Because there's nothing in Greymouth but whores and rugby players."

    "My wife is from Greymouth!" the manager says angrily.

    "Who did she play for?" asks the lad.

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
  14. Takemenow

    Takemenow Senior Member

  15. Frog_On_Ice

    Frog_On_Ice Watercolor Paradise

    now thats a lot of facts about sex lol
  16. Takemenow

    Takemenow Senior Member

    mmhhmmm and dont u feel complet now that u know them

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice