Is any one else this blank?

I have learned that people who assume others are gay often fear that they themselves are. The most homophobic people have an unspoken fear of being gay. They project their hidden feelings onto others. Perhaps your boss has some hidden insecurities?

Don't worry about what others say. People have labeled me as straight, bi, and lesbian within a week period. These people don't mean a damn thing. Fuck them!

Peace & Love

 

I has always struck me as interesting, the way so many people define their own identity by comparing themselves with others. Since sexual identity is an important aspect of our personal identity for so many of us, it shouldn't surprise anyone that many people do make assumptions about the sexuality of those around them. I think you will find this has a lot less to do with you than with them.

I admit that I find myself guessing/making assumptions about the sexuality of others on a regular basis. I know that I am sometimes incorrect, but I do it anyway (it's like a game, where I give or remove points based upon how often I am correct in my assessment – a test of my ability to read the subtle signals others give off about themselves). I also know that I place inordinate importance on how others view me. I am pretty sure these two things are related, somehow.


I'm not insecure about my sexuality, so I doubt that has anything to do with it. I work in the arts, though, and so there is a much higher proportion of bi/homosexuality among the people I associate with. What is more, I’ve noticed that guessing the sexual orientation of others seems to be of particular concern to bi/homosexuals (probably for good reason - what people often term “gaydar” isn’t some supernatural sense, not a subtle recognition of pheromones, or anything else of the kind). Exposed to people of many sexual preferences, one naturally finds oneself guessing at the sexuality of new people more often, because that’s what the people around you are doing.

As to why some people might think you were gay and others think that you are straight, regardless of what your actual sexuality is, is simply a matter of either wishful thinking, or misreading of whatever signals they have come to trust as indicators of these things (or both). All I can tell you is that unless you are worried about being discriminated against, you shouldn’t worry yourself about it.