Iron ic Butterfly

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by VanAstral, May 11, 2004.

  1. VanAstral

    VanAstral Member

    playing by the railroad tracks
    with m’lady,
    spending money, ironing coins
    ...
    taking pictures of butterflies,
    petting snakes,
    avoiding wet spots and thorns
    ...
    scratching ankles, rolling grass
    some awe from circling hawks,
    clothes not breezy enough: take ‘em off
    ...
    hear the highway far away,
    loud crickets,
    laugh at thier situation
    ...
    anticipate the sun’s arrival
    from behind blinding
    Elvis-shaped clouds... though she sees crabs?
    ...
    inspiration,
    that's what she gives
    i see the crabs!
    ...
    but mostly we’re by the tracks
    me and m'lady
    spending money, ironing coins

    part 2
    from between heavy steel
    it had slipped,
    whip crack, lightning heat,
    ...
    it had to be the quarter,
    not the dime or nickel or penny,
    but the quarter
    ...
    that killed m’lady,
    lovely under all clouds,
    my inspiration

    part 3
    she eats crab
    with kings in heaven
    on fine spring days
    ...
    the Buddha laughs
    at my pridicament
    my fine spring day
     
  2. Pablo

    Pablo Member

    interesting, whyd you kill her?
     
  3. VanAstral

    VanAstral Member

    Ha! I didn't kill her, silly goose... the quarter did.

    it could've just as easily been me. Or a deer, which I forgot to mention.
     
  4. Pablo

    Pablo Member

    ok, i got that but why did you have her die in the poem
     
  5. Incubus

    Incubus Banned

    I really liked it, it sounded like a childrens book poem until you ended the ladies life! I loved the embrasive setting feel, and the great description of the area, it felt like i was there. damn this is good weed...
     
  6. VanAstral

    VanAstral Member

    ahh... she died just because... thought i'd change the pace, play the heart strings, words on the woods has been done before.
    cheers ya'll!
     
  7. Pablo

    Pablo Member

    oh of couce, Loved ones tragic deaths have never been done before though. :p

    I had a cat named snowball, she died she died
    mom said she was sleeping, she lied, she lied
    why does my kitty cat have to be dead
    couldent that crystler have hit me instead
    -lisa simpson
     
  8. VanAstral

    VanAstral Member

    i have a sort of dilemma: new threads or one long one?

    ahh... just see how it goes with the flow eh...



    pretty distraction


    If candles are lit
    And your spleen throbs a bass line
    If hydration is quenched
    And maslow is satisfied
    If your socks have no holes
    And the laundry’s on the line
    If your lungs are expressing their gratitude
    And there’s grape juice in your belly,
    If you’ve thought about kissing,
    And didn’t feel lonely,
    If you’re excited about dreaming,
    And ponder the meaning of,
    If it’s a starry night
    And the windows are open
    If you’re beautiful
    And recognize beauty
    If you have answers
    And care to share
    If you arouse me
    And all my senses
    If we’re not serious
    And you spontaneously say I love you
    If you stay
    And I say, I think I'll leave
    if you don't mind
     
  9. Fractual_

    Fractual_ cosmos factory

    good poems dude.

    liked the second one better, but they were both good
     
  10. littleskinny

    littleskinny Member

    I love the first one. You have a good way of drawing mental pictures to tell a story, with few words. It's like a cartoon strip....
     

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