Introversion And Quietness

I have been an introvert all of my life, and generally very quiet around people who are not my family. I'm very reclusive, guarded, and don't like to go out very much. Well, I would like to be able to change that. I don't know if I like to be alone constantly. It's stressful to be around people but part of me seeks to be close to others. Is it really worth the effort to change?

General tips and advice welcome.

 

It's ok to be guarded. Some people share too much with strangers. Just don't lose out too much on life by not interacting. Being comfortable with yourself is what's important.

 

Society tells us that we're not normal unless we're extroverted and outgoing, which is a bunch of crap.

I have always preferred to be alone than in the company of others, and I see nothing wrong with that.

To answer your question, no, it's not worth the effort to change. If it's who you really are, then that's who you really are. Don't feel pressured by society to be someone you're not. If you're introverted then embrace your introversion as that is who you really are.

 

No one changes.
You will be like this no matter what you do

 

I remember reading once that there were 3 personality traits that were genetic--you are born with a certain "level" of them, and even if your environment minimizes or changes the trait, you tend to revert back to baseline levels as you get older (ex an introverted child is born into a family of extroverts and is raised as an extrovert, but then becomes more introverted as they mature).

One of them was introversion-extroversion, another was conscientiousness, don't remember the third.

 

^thats interesting because I was an introvert as a child, then in middle school I challenged myself to be more outgoing and I was for a long time, into my mid twenties but it always took enormous effort and never really came naturally. I started embracing my introverted side more again in my late twenties.

To the OP - it can be a struggle for an introvert to make friends but I think it is worth the effort. I don't think you should strive for numerous shallow relationships because that will always be hard for an introvert to maintain, but I think if you can find one or two people who understand you and accept you for who you are, the friendship(s) would be very rewarding.

 

I think this is generally true, but it's more acceptable for a man to be an introvert , the lone ranger" type.

 

Oh! Thank you all for your responses.

I have thought about it and decided that there isn't much to change. I would like to have at least a few friends, but I suppose it is true that there is no way to change introverted nature. I'll keep all this in mind.

It would have been nicer to naturally be a bit more extroverted, but I won't make an effort to change if there is nothing I can do. I'll still look to make some more contacts.

Thank you again.

 

I love your avatar.....

 

Mine? Thanks! (If so!)

 

Yes, your avatar...You are welcome...

 

That is so true, shyness is a trait that can be overcome


Hotwater

 

What stresses you more, being alone, or not being alone?

 

About society telling you introversion is wrong, I would say that is your society. Not every society pressures people into being extrovert when you're not like that. Being out going and just open in communication just gives people a lot more chances in life though so I don't think every advice in that direction should be regarded as pressuring you in something that you are not.

When you use words like reclusive and saying 'I don't like to get out much' does that also count for situations where you don't have to talk with other people? If so, it might not be solely an introvertion issue.

 

You don't need to go from one extreme to the other. Moderation is not so bad.

 

A being that can sit alone, in a quiet space and just be, has reached a level most people will never reach...


The Hermit.

 

Generally, not being alone. Social situations are really stressful, but I still feel like I am missing out by not being in them.

Yes, that counts for situations where I don't have to talk to others. If not (solely) an issue of introversion, what else could it possibly be? I'm curious about this.

 

Social anxiety?

 

You don't need to change, so I would say it's not worth the effort, but that is an odd question to ask and answer, anyways. Because it depends on you and what you think is worthwhile and not worthwhile. Anyways, as I was saying you don't need to change, you just need to find a select group of people that fulfill your many social needs. For example, get a best friend, work friend, gym friend, hobby orientated friend, girlfriend or boyfriend, acquaintance, etc. Whatever you think you need to fill the void that is your socialization then just get those people. If it's one person, cool. If it's ten people, cool. If it's 100, cool. Whatever you want and need.

I don't really care for the whole introverted, extroverted BS. I think people are more, sometimes less less than that.

As for tips, I don't know any. I suck as socialization. Like I really suck.But, I think if you're a decent looking person and have a decent personality you shouldn't have issues with socializing with people. Your only real issue at this point is not putting forth the time and effort to socialize, becuase say... you're often times at home on the Internet. Basically, I think anyone and everyone is good at socializing, as long as they don't have anything wrong with their looks or personality. Now, there is a difference between the ability to socialize with people and form bonds with people. But, I think the approach is the same, if you're decent looking and have a decent personality, which results in you socializing with people becuase you put forth the time and effort to do, it will just be a matter of more time and effort to form bonds with people. In other words, no one is going to bond with you within a day or two, or even a year. We, as humans have way too many trust issues for that. Maybe if you went to another country, that isn't so globalized and westernized, you can have a great novel type of bond with someone you just met, but it's not going to happen here. Of course, if you don't want to put the time and effort, there is always the Internet. You can get things done quickly and with very little effort as far as relationships go in social networking sites, such as these. Other than that, I got nothing.

 

^^Great ideas.

I agree that the introversion/extroversion thing is bullcrap.