integrity

Hence your best interest as you conceive of it.

 

Then its official. I have integrity.

 

If I care about something passionately enough, I'll stick by it strongly.

However... I don't like to cause unnecessary friction.

It's hard to walk that line sometimes.

 

But it's not just my best interest that I'm thinking about. I don't want other people to feel like shit. Maybe I'm just a really rare breed. Maybe its the rest of the world that is fucked up and I just don't realize it. I like to think the best of people until they show me otherwise. But I won't be fooled twice by anyone. Screw me over once and you won't be trusted again. I appreciate integrity in others too.

 

And then you don't like to think the best of people? No integrity there letting people push you around, that is in this instance.

 

I don't understand what you mean. I give people the benefit of the doubt. If someone shows me that they can't be trusted then I remove myself from that situation. Nobody pushes me around.

 

The benefit of doubt is the lack of trust.

 

I don't agree with that. You can continue to twist my words all night long if you wish. I know who I am. I know I'm a good hearted person and I'm perfectly fine with the way I treat others. I could stay in this thread and continue to have a pissing match with you but I'm choosing to go to bed. Where I'll be sleeping very well because I won't have to worry about who secretly wants to murder me in my sleep for being an asshole to them. Good night.

 

Good morning. I'm not into pissing contests as I would probably loose at this stage in my life and am thankful just to be able to pee.

Obviously the benefit of doubt being lack of trust are not your words at all if you don't agree with that. It is not my effort to twist your words nor be an asshole. Being a good person is not the question I am absolutely certain you are a good person. The question is what it is to have integrity and you have no just reason to be offended, it is whether what you say and what you do are the same not whether you uphold the correct belief system or have the proper affection for persons.

On the subject of integrity the statement, I give people the benefit of doubt until they prove otherwise is the same in content to the statement innocent until proven guilty which is the premise of the civilized justice system and we know from experience that that system lacks integrity. Innocent people are incarcerated and even executed and other violators get off largely due to finances.

The reward, the benefit of doubt is suspicion. The benefit of reserving judgment all together is time to comprehend the facts.

 

I wasn't calling you an asshole. I was just saying that I'm not an asshole to people. What I say and what I do are the same. I was raised to be an honest person so I won't say I'm going to do one thing then when the time comes, decide what I'm going to do based on how I will benefit from it.

Maybe "benefit of the doubt" wasn't the right choice of words. I don't distrust people from the start. I believe people are honest and good unless (not until) they give me a reason to think otherwise. I do know bad people. I make a choice to not be around them because I'm not fake. If you have given me a reason to not trust you then I'm not going to smile to your face and act like we're friends. I will remove myself from any situation that I have to so I'm not in a position to be fake.

I don't live in a world of sunshine and roses. I deal with shit every day just like everyone does. In this big bad crazy world I just try to surround myself with good people who have INTEGRITY and I know will do right by me just as I want to do right by them.

 

And when they prove not to have integrity? Seems like a crap shoot in that case and what you want to do, trust people, is not always what you are able to do. It is not your fault but it is the natural outcome of a confusion about the meaning of integrity. Everyone has integrity but it is hard to discern this because people imagine that integrity means to be faithful to some cause. We are all faithful to our own causes.

 

I think my situation is different than a lot of women my age. Most adult women may have a friend or 2 that they are close with and they may talk to them on occasion. They don't put a lot of time and effort into people outside of their marriage. If someone does something they don't agree with it may be easy to just write them off. I'm fortunate enough to not live that life.

I have a group of 12 women that I am very close with. We all have similar morals and values. We help bring out the good in each other and 100% support each other. I would trust each and every one of them with any private information and know that they wouldn't abuse it. I KNOW the people in my life. Really KNOW them. I know who they are and what they stand for. It is rare to have something like that and I realize that. These are people that I am lucky enough to have daily communication with. What I'm saying is the people I surround myself with don't give me a reason to not trust them. I'm selective on who I let in.

I have been known to write people off. What does that say for my integrity? I'm sure you'll tell me. I had a friend for 15 years that had continually shown me that she couldn't be trusted. What she said and what she did were NOT the same thing. I finally hit the point that I was done. I told her exactly why I was done. I said that I couldn't trust her and she had hurt me too many times. I was removing her from my life because I couldn't continue to have a toxic relationship with her anymore. Do I hate her? No. I wish her well. She had a baby and I sent her a congratulation card. So even when I choose to remove toxic people from my life I still respect them as human beings. It just means that I don't need to have daily interaction with them anymore.

 

I wouldn't tell you if you had not asked.
You are equal to your cause.

It is not equal to my cause however.

My cause is to be truly helpful and I find no cause to ask others to manage my level of trust nor do I ask people to trust me. There is nothing a person can take from me that I do not offer freely, no conflict of interest between me and them on that regard. I also know that promises are subject to the unforeseen.

Everything is up for grabs which is why we feel the need for defenses but then again even the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

 

:rofl:

 

one with alzheimer's.