Initiating sex a better way - GREAT article!

EDIT: this addresses initiating sex in long term relationships (not pickup).

I’ve written a lot on this forum about my journey back to being a man actually worthy of sexual attention (including from my partner). This has helped my relationship tons, but I still have to seduce my partner WAY more often that she does me, and a lot of attempts still result in me going for a run instead! But enter this article - I have found it very, very helpful. Essentially you need to make some private notes (e.g. on your phone) about the three approaches as described at the bottom of the article linked below. This is you essentially taking the time to discover what really makes your partner tick. If that isn’t an act of love I don’t know what is.

(There is more I want to share to help the guys here in particular but will save that for another thread).

There May Be a Better Way to Initiate Sex with Your Partner

 

Great thread for many.

Well done you. X

 

I remember in my very early days, I was very attentive and complimentary when I met a young lady, I figured it was better than just trying to leap into her knickers, to be honest I didn't have much luck at the time. There was however a young fella I knew and he was spectacular, he'd go into a pub and stand at the bar, invariably his eye would settle on some attractive female, most of them drank lager back then and he'd watch until her glass was almost empty then ask the barman to give her another drink with his compliments, that was usually enough to get her to come over and begin chatting to him. He'd watch until her glass was once again almost empty and then ask 'am I giving you one later?' she'd invariably ask why and he'd reply, 'well if I'm not you're buying your own drinks all night'.
I don't know why but it hardly ever failed, only tried it once myself, and got a slap for my trouble. lol

 

I have mixed feelings about article.

The thousands of men that were questioned in the study of the research were overwhelmingly beta males and not very many alphas.

*Pete shakes head*

"Me Tarzan you Jane" or a "what would James Bond do?" mentality would yield better results in a long term relationship.

Women should never initiate sex, nor do they want to. It's not there gender role characteristic.

One of the biggest reasons men stop getting laid is (complacency). Wanting and waiting for the woman to initiate from time to time..... is and always will be a big big mistake.

Sex initiative always has to come from the man. It's the mans gender role characteristic.

 

Never ever compliment a woman you don't know a drink. Its approval seeking behavior and a bribe for attention.

Attractive alpha women will happily take the drink, laugh and say thank you beta male, can you compliment me with another.

 

It's a good article, but it ignores an important truth. For anyone interested in high-quality recent research and insight on women's arousal and how couples sustain a strong connection, I recommend just about anything written by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.

That important truth is that women are six times as likely as men to be responsively aroused. Men, in general, get horny for any reason at all, or for no reason at all. Well, it's six times as likely as it is for a woman. Men, in general, are spontaneously aroused. The linked article talks about how to initiate, but it also says not to make assumptions.

The assumption that your long-term wife or girlfriend is not going to jump you for sex or respond immediately to your readiness is a necessary one, unless she's made a habit of initiating all along, and unless she's a woman whom you know to be spontaneously aroused, who while folding laundry or paying bills regularly says seemingly out of the blue, "let's fuck."

Here's the corollary truth: what it takes to get a woman aroused is far different from what it takes to satisfy her once she is aroused. Do not confuse a woman who is responsively aroused for one that doesn't appreciate intensity and duration once she is aroused. Sure, if you get her all hot and then fail to deliver the goods and bring your A-game in the sack, don't be surprised that she's less willingly responsive next time.

One final tip to those perceiving an imbalance or drop-off in the sexual part of their relationship isn't to treat each time you want sex as a unique and individual challenge to get your partner there. What distinguishes couples who keep having sex for the long haul with a frequency, intensity, and duration that satisfies them both, is that they make it a priority. They both affirmatively say that it's a priority; they make time for it, putting it on the calendar if necessary. They check-in and talk about it frequently - how's sex going, and how could it be better?

If a person has an unhealed bone fracture or late-stage cancer, sex is not a priority, but you know that. If "too tired" or "let's do it tomorrow" comes up often, you're not on the same page, and you have to have an honest conversation about priorities. Both members of a couple that wants to maintain physical intimacy don't just say it's a priority; they both make the time to do it.