Indistinct and Beautiful

Discussion in 'Writers Forum' started by honeyhannah, May 25, 2004.

  1. honeyhannah

    honeyhannah herbuhslovuh

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    Okay I posted part of this on the old forums but i ended up changing a lot of it when I had to finish it up and put it in my portfolio, I had a deadline and I know it sucks at this point but I'm not so sure what to do about it, when I was finishing it up I feel I lost the whole story really, to what it is now. Please comment I can take criticism quite well and would really appreciate it thanks.
  2. honeyhannah

    honeyhannah herbuhslovuh

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    Indistinct and Beautiful


    There he laid, indistinct and beautiful his hand slowly sliding from mine. I could no longer look at his pale, jagged face, surrounded by a cocooned body. The beeps were ticking in my ears like short high-pitched hiccups, echoing forever. So easily distinguished amongst distant voices, gasping of the ventilator, and my own loud breathing trailed by whimpers or sighs. Then I stopped looking at it all, I looked out the window, the black sky with tiny polka dots all over, and the glistening water just beneath it. I could hear the waves slapping the shore and I couldn’t help remembering.

    "I have to go away," he said.

    Where are you going?

    I have to go to Europe.

    For what?



    I’m gonna work at an arts magazine, or in a museum, or in an art gallery, or maybe I’ll be a street artist, or start my own place like the Artist’s Lounge. Besides Adam has been arrested and I don’t want to be connected to him if they’re looking for witnesses or something.

    So what was he arrested for?

    Oh I don’t know, but I just don’t have as much safety here as I used to.

    What are you trying to say?

    No, it’s not your fault, it’s mine, and you know nothing lasts forever." He paused, "Nothing but love."

    Yeah, right. So when are you leaving? And for how long?

    Well I want you to come with me, you know. We could start a new life there.


    I told you in Europe.

    In all of Europe?

    Well we’ll travel for a bit, and settle down wherever we feel most at home.

    And will you stay out of trouble in Europe?

    "Nothing I’ve ever done has ever hurt anyone else, it’s not my fault the laws of this country are ridiculous and hypocritical," he grabbed my hand, "So I guess you’re not coming with me?"

    We’re skipping about three steps here, if you try to climb from the top to the bottom in two steps, you probably will never make it. I just don’t know if it’s a good idea to put so much pressure on our relationship so early.

    I love you, you know that.

    I know.

    But I don’t know if you love me. How will I ever know if you don’t come with me?

    Maybe that’s the only way to know.

    So you’re not coming then?

    I don’t know.

    We walked side by side quietly fighting the wind, playing hide and seek with the breaking waves. I looked up at his troubled face, grabbed his arm and pushed him into the water completely. I stood there in the sand feeling like a little child begging for approval. What would he do when he came back? He looked at me with an angry face ran up to me, lifted me into the air and threw me in as if he was pushing someone in a swing.

    We were splashing around in the waves. I felt so invigorated just the two of us in the ocean as the sun was setting. In my white linen pants, and fancy chenille blouse, I pretended not to care. This is what my mother told me to wear to the interview. She’d bought it all for me, sent me to get my hair done professionally, and set up the meeting at the law firm. My mother had connections; it was my privilege to utilize them, even if I wasn’t interested in the job at all. In the waves with my fancy clothes on and expensive hairstyle I thought of my parents, and how little they cared about how I felt, what I really wanted. I dove down to the floor of the shallow start of the ocean. Intent on loosening my hair, and clothes. I ran into his feet and pulled him under. I knew that I cared for him; he was the only one who cared for me. I felt like I was his mother, I wanted to take care of him. We surfaced to the top of the water. I knew he’d been upset with me, especially with his unintentional silent treatment. I only considered staying because I was afraid. I grabbed both of his hands beneath the water, held him still, tears surfaced in his eyes; he’d been trying not to look at me since our pseudo argument.

    "I’ll go." I said. He stared at me with a blank look on his face.

    "You’ll come with me? He asked. I pressed her lips together, smiled slightly, and shook my head ‘yes’.

    "Thank you." He said quietly as he closed in on my face, placed his hands on my cheeks to kiss me, "I love you." He said with gratitude, as if he didn’t deserve to feel so strongly about anyone. I looked at him as we kissed, when he opened his eyes I looked down.

    "I love you," I said to him as a nurse came in to check on him. "Will you be staying tonight?" the nurse asked.

    "Yes, I will," a tear escaped my eye, "Could you tell me when he might be waking up?"

    "Well it’s likely he’ll be up tomorrow, but you never know." She said. She walked out of the room.

    I got up out of the chair and walked back to the window, stared out for a moment at the overlapping waves and closed the blinds. I couldn’t stand it anymore. Guilt was killing me. I loved him all along but I couldn’t say it to him. I’d never told anyone I loved them in my life, not even my parents. I went to see my parents and when I walked into the room my father died. I broke down right there and confessed.
  3. honeyhannah

    honeyhannah herbuhslovuh

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    OKay that is just the first part of it, I didn't realize how long it was, I guess I'll post it in parts.

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