Hi, I got married a couple of weeks back and I feel myself fortunate to have such a caring wife however there is one problem. When I come closer to her she asks me to stay away, she wont even accept me kissing her hand etc. She has had a tough childhood because of seperation of parrents and her mother married someone else then. She is 20 now , she remains depressed a lot of times due to the tough childhood. We havnt had physical relations yet, I asked her and she said that she likes me but when i talk about sex she feel disgusted. she is a virgin btw I searched on internet and found out that this could be a sexual disorder and there are some natural medicines to increase sextual desire for women. These were "hersolution" and "Provestra". I went to the medical store to inquire about that but I was told that these kinds of things are not avaliable in this country. I found websites like amazon providing these medicines plus shipment charges. I want to know if these medicnes are good or its just another fraud ? I am concerned about our future now
If it's an arranged marriage, isn't the refusal to have sex grounds for a divorce? If your parents arranged this, they didn't do a very good job. Get out now, or you'll just end up depressed and sexually frustrated. Might sound shallow, but it's not like you've had a long emotional connection with this person, and the fact that it's a marriage means nothing, considering it was arranged.
Thankyou for the replies and support. I have found out that the reason behind this is low dopamine level in brain ( its a chemical inbalance) which is not uncommon and all the symptoms are matching . I was looking to get things go ahead positively rather than having a divorce, one should have an out of box thinking. Just for information - this problem is treatable with some supplements .
Do not try to self medicate this girl, and I say girl because at 20 she is still a child. She needs help, someone to talk to, therapy and time. I suspect that if your marriage is arranged, she was told what way too many girls are told, especially those from strong religious backgrounds.. that sex is bad, dirty, evil and "nice girls" don't do it. They (we) are told to never let anyone touch them (us) until marriage but no one tells them what to do after they are married. Too often they are told to "just endure" and that women are not suppose to enjoy sex and that they do it as their "wifely duty"... Such bullshit and I see so many girls and women who have been brainwashed with this garbage. Some never learn to enjoy sex, which is incredibly sad. I'm sorry if I sound judgmental and maybe I am but I bought into this crap most of my life. I am angry that it took me so long to realize it for what it is. Your wife has my sympathy, but supplements is not going to do much. You also need to decide why you want to "fix" her? Is it just because you are horny and simply want sex or do you truly want to help her?
Well, I'm gonna go ahead and flat out say it because I have a very blunt personality; maybe she's afraid of you, and with the way you talk about her, I don't blame her. You're appreciative but she doesn't sound like much more than an object. Putting her on those meds would be tantamount to drugging her. Gah... cultural barriers are so difficult to work with, but do you see what I'm saying? You seem open minded enough but you have a lot to learn yourself
Totally agree, RiverBlue! With an arranged marriage, you two are basically strangers. If you really want this marriage to work, you need to communicate and get to know each other. Since you didn't have a typical "dating" relationship, you need to basically court her and learn about one another and learn to trust each other. You can't expect her to just lie down and let you have your way with her. She obviously has a lot of fears about marriage and sex and coming at her with both hands isn't going to help. You need to go slow and be patient... Start out TALKING to her first.. ask her what her dreams are, what her hopes are, what she likes. ASK her if you can hold hand. Compliment her.. her cooking. Tell her she is beautiful. Let her know that you appreciate her. That in spite of your arranged marriage, you are happy that she is your wife. Before you do anything physically, she needs to learn two things.. to trust that you will not hurt her and that whatever you do when you do touch her will feel good. You both need to learn about your bodies, the anatomy, the mechanics of sex, what to expect, how it feels and all of this is going to take time. You two missed out on learning these things that most kids learn from education, experience and from each other. If all you care about is getting sex, you will basically be raping your poor wife and you two will never have a good marriage. She may go along with it because she must and in order to have children, but she also might never adjust to it.
Agreed... uncomfortably. What if the OP does all these things but feels no love for his wife, but simply uses her, emotionally and sexually? Actual love is a hard concept to grasp, especially for the first time - there may be a relationship there, but it won't be... um, how to word this - actual? It will be a facade. Which, admittedly, is better than flat out abuse, but not by much.
opps.. i think i missed a few partss.. it was not actually me looking for treatment , we both were searching the internet and tried to get some help . I went to a doctor for this help and I was told that low dopamine level is the cause for no arousal . Even though you have wonderful relationship with someone he/she will feel depressed and have low sex drive if he/she has a low dopamine. Its a chemical which controls the mood actually. He has recommended us some supplements and we hope it will work. Its not that she doesnt love me, she loves me a lot but normally feels depressed overall and has a low sex drive. The reason for depression was her past, it happens with a lot of people and is not a unique case. Thanks a lot for your valuable time
