in way over my head

Because we're parents and I didn't want our selfish problems to affect our son.

 

"pussy-less" was a statement that mirrors how you guys sound. Although I do feel sorry for you.

It truly doesn't bother me that people disagree. Hell, if it did, do you think I'd put myself up on a thread at HF?

The bothersome part is the presumptuous conclusions that I see.

 

Interpreted? I rarely respond back with the level of wit and cruelty I'm capable of. I take pride in using restraint. But yeah, I just had to do it this time, juvenile or not.

 

The kids were told yesterday. Since they have been witnessing this joke of a marriage, I asked them what did they think was going to happen. They both knew divorce was imminent...just thought it would happen once my son was off to college.

It was a lofty plan perhaps. But even my son agreed that he isn't surprised that his dad initiated the divorce because he knows his dad to be very selfish.

 

That's rich.

 

I would not say a lofty plan as it can work but usually only if there is no one who is injured emotionally or there are no others involved, as in outside dating.

I am not sure if I would classify that as selfish. He may be at the point for his own emotional well being of needing to move on. If that is the case and he stayed he would then be projecting emotions that would do none of you any good. It is selfish to expect him to stay if he does not wish to.


There are times when things need to end and sometimes one party can see that more clearly than the other, perhaps that is the case here.

Most people who try to maintain a home together do so for financial reasons that make sense at the time. Or in the case of really young children. If being done so that the benefits of two incomes and lifestyle are able to be maintained, that rarely works out as someone is going to feel used. In other words if it is so that you have the luxuries and comfort it will never work.

The best thing to do now is to be positive about the changes and especially so when discussing it with your children. To throw blame in any direction usually backfires and brings with it a whole heap of trouble down the road. Even adult children should not be in the mess of a separation or a divorce. It is not fair to them to have to take a side against either parent.

Embrace the change.

 

Does your son know about your multiple affairs like your soon to be ex-husband?

I'll bet that if he does, he knows the REAL reason dad initiated a divorce and it's not because Dad is the selfish one.
I wonder if your kids saw what you post here if they would feel the same???
p.s. I doubt your kids are as clueless as you think.

You wanted to keep the security and comfort of your marriage, yet felt completely justified and righteous engaging in multiple affairs.
The way I see it hubby made the right choice by telling you "no fucking way am I playing this game any longer".

and now your on to yet another "new lover"???
fucking priceless...:smilielol5:

I will say, you do provide some good laughs.

 

your just too nice sometimes Heat.

if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck.........

just sayin'

 

I hope you corrected him and told him that wasn't really fair to your husband, at least in this instance. I doubt your son has any clue about your affairs or what they're doing mentally and emotionally to your husband.

I hope you aren't going to allow your husband to be painted the bad guy through the divorce.

 

A duck is a duck.

Nox we share the same view but we present very differently. What you have stated is basically the same thing as I have and did.

I am sure Calgirl is very aware who feels strongly about stepping outside of the commitments that marriage involves.

I also see a woman who is hurting so badly and caught in a loop of behaviours, albeit of her own making but still in a mess. Rather like the old negative attention is better than no attention. Even negative brings validation of sorts to someone who is hurting.

It takes me back to around school when you had that person who acted out as it was a way of dealing with issues rather than solving the issues permanently. Ideally if miserable you fix it rather than keep living it and expecting a different outcome. With that pattern when not rectified comes blaming others for our failure to act on what we should have. In this case when the marriage was unhappy or not functional anymore there should have been a separation and resolution to the issue, rather than actions taken while married.

People in general when unhappy and miserable do not make good choices and then have to live with the ramifications of those. Much of what is happening is exactly that. What is done is done and now the best thing for all of them to do is to move on to a place that is emotionally healthier.

Sadly the probability is that all of the family is hurting and have been for a very long time. They will all take far too much baggage away from this than is needed in life.

The most optimistic hope is that a self understanding has been gained through all this pain and that a new start will be had with a more balanced outlook on life and relationships and more importantly self.

 

you're such a sweetheart. :love:

 

Your son believing your husband is the selfish one and bad guy when you have had multiple affairs is wrong in so many ways! If he was so selfish he would have ended this farse the first time you cheated on him. Instead he stuck around for many more. He would also lawyer up and leave you with nothing for all the adultry on the side. I don't see him being very selfish at all here.

 

Wow, thread is now starting to sound like a whole bunch of prudes trying to beat down a woman thats not going to stick to one guy.

In real life the son and everyone around her isnt going to know about the affairs or the details within. Everyone will just go by what they see.

You get one snapshot on the web, when she's a bit free-er with the details. But in real life, without those details, and if the hubby is some grumpy sour puss that is selfish in every other way, you will all judge things on that, more likely to be the case of "not surprised she couldnt put up with him" even though he may have gotten the short end of the stick fidelity wise

As for 52 going 16, better than acting ones age and being grumpy and bitter all the time, which is probably why she's attracting the tennis players and lawyers, a lot more full of life than most of the ones her age

Yes hubby got fucked over, but maybe he was the type that was going to get fucked over no matter who the wife is.

In real life if they where your neighbours, or parents of kids friend or fo whatever reason part of that group you invite over for BBQs, whether you include them or not, wouldnt be based on he affairs, because you wouldnt know or see about that. It would be based on things like, oh I dont want to invite them cos he's just a grumble bum that always whines about politics, or I dont like the way he talks to her or treats her.

You would all go by the stuff you see.

As for being judgemental when people tell you the truth, that doesnt change people, they'll just learn to hide it from you

 

Let's hope the kids don't repeat the actions of their parents, as oftentimes results in what Heat mentioned as a loop. They both seem to have made some mistakes, but life is like that for many of us.

 

Prudes? I don't think that is the case. What I am seeing is people who don't like being lied to or seeing people lying to themselves.

As for my 52 going on 16 comment, she is a grown fucking woman Vanilla. If she wants to make grown woman decisions she better expect to deal with the grown woman consequences. This, she isn't doing. She airs all her dirty laundry on a public forum and then gets all pissy when some people don't buy her bullshit. She wasn't in it for advice or support; she was in it for attention and affirmation. Those are the actions of a 16 year old.

 

I wasn't really trying to judge until she said her son wasn't surprised about the divorce because he knows his dad is selfish.

That just struck a chord in me. I just don't think its right for anyone to make the other parent look like the bad person in a divorce (unless one parent is abusive, especially if the kids are young..then its unavoidable). If both parents are decent to their kids then they owe it to each other to continue to build each other up around their kids and show mutual respect, no matter what is going on behind closed doors.

Parents are generally a mystery. I bet most of us here, even as full grown adults, don't really know our parents. Their children may never learn about her affairs and they shouldn't have to - who would want that knowledge? But I don't think their kids should live with this picture in their head of the dad being a sad sack of shit and the mom being perfect, either.

 

What a massive deception. This brilliant analysis coming from something i have testimony thinks a cheating MILF is hot and yearned to be a recipient despite having a gf. A gf that caters to his perverted desires and probably has no.other way to keep him since brains and beauty arent the criteria he seeks. There!!! Your dirty laundry. Scoot along.....this is big girl talk.

 

Ug.... he and his sister know.of my affair because my husband forced me to make it a family matter. My son has had an objective view about my mistake because he has been witness to how his dad operates. It was unsolicited by me.

 

ok???? I don't have a gf, but whatever, I am done.

 

My parents had 11 year marriage, his parents for 20 years, my sis 7 yrs, his 2 brothers about 2-4 years, my parents 2 nd marriages 4-7 years. My son is pretty tainted by all of it. But i reminded him that his dad and i were committed for 26 years and we broke the pattern. I told him it all begkns with knowing yourself and others fully before making decisions.