in way over my head

Same here.

My Dad stayed in a horrible marriage "for the sake of the children." Not only did his unhappiness rub off on the whole family, but it put an enormous amount of guilt onto me and my siblings. It felt like if it weren't for us then he could move on and live a happy life.

Now that all the kids have moved out of the house, and they're still together....it looks more like he was just a coward and blamed us for his inability to stand up to his wife.

So you can say I'm biased on this topic. Maybe when I have kids of my own ill be more understanding, but I doubt it. You can't make anyone else happy till you are happy yourself.

 

Parents that are immature and inconsiderate and impolite and snippy provide an unhappy home. My husband and I are not like that. We converse and are functional and even laugh. I highly doubt my son wants to have us split.

 

Kids pick up on a lot more than you think. Trust me.

Maybe you should ask him. How old is he?

 

16.....Hes aware of the problems. Im transparent about that. He sees that marriage is very hard and he is outspoken about our faults,

 

I am working really hard to leave personal judgement out of this.

I wonder why you would allow anyone to treat you in this manner. It started as a mutual agreement and went downhill from there, for what ever reasons.

You appear to be in a position at this point of being used. It is no longer a mutual place of using.

Time to move on.

 

You're not really available. She apparently is.

No strings means no strings, sorry.

And, as someone else said, at your age you should know that.

 

It's fair enough to think of your own situation as personal and being adamant you won't change your mind. It's an individual's right. However, if that's the case then I can't see the point in broadcasting the situation to the World Wide Web then reverting back to that point of view when the reply posts don't uphold your stance. If its personal and you have no intention of listening to the advice and opinions of others......then don't troll for it.

If anyone thinks talk of morality is stupid then they obviously have none.

 

I genuinely dont feel as dense as some of this that i am reading. My age? Um, learning never ages. Im a late bloomer about stuff like this. Some people just get it faster. So i seek it out. There is many things getting discussed that arent about the situation. Its about me and my marriage. Did i ask that? No!!

Im processing and trying to accept and adapt.

 

So let me get this straight.

You are cheating on your husband, yet again, with (several people, but primarily) someone who is also cheating on his wife, and a woman he is moving in with, and you are upset that things didn't work out between you two.

Is that about the situation? A cheater and a cheater can't seem to get something stable going? And you expect to get sympathy for this?

I can't even take you seriously. Even assuming that your own actions are justified, and that you are faultless here, as a poor trapped woman just wanting to live her life, why on EARTH are you trying to become stable with someone who cheats on multiple women, in order to sleep with another cheating woman?!?! Do you not understand that this is a neverending habit? Do you not see how this way of thinking about things has resulted in you entering social circles where you cannot trust anyone with your heart? How can you not see that this man is just in it for the pussy and he's settling down with the pussy he decided to settle down with before you ever came along? Do you not understand that you were just yet another unhappy middle aged chick he got to bang behind her husbands back, as he banged other chicks behind your back?

It's really sad to see you going deeper and deeper into this spiraling pit of manipulation and deception. At some point you've got to realize this is NOT THE WAY TO BE HAPPY. .

Until you stop basing your intimacy, connections, sex and emotions on lying and hiding, you will never find joy this way. You will only bounce around dishonestly between other dishonest and unhappy people. Remove yourself from this mode of living!

 

Why do you feel it is necessary to say such obnoxious and hurtful things to someone who is already in pain. I can't wait until you get a taste of your own karma. If you can't say something helpful, then STFU.

"NoxiousGas"... that really is an apt description of what I have seen you write.

 

It is a shame that some people in this forum are such jerks, ignore them, their karma will come back to them some day.

I think we area all capable of loving many different people on many different levels. As you have with your relationships and he has with his. He enjoys being with you on many levels but has found someone else that at least for now he feels clicks better with him on many other levels. Be happy for him, knowing that someday you may find the person who does that with you. It can be painful to recognize and know your not the one, but it also can't be denied. Unfortunately right now it sounds like you feel that he satisfied you more than others that you have known. I know that is hard accept that he just doesn't feel the same way or feel it to the same degree as you have. We rarely find perfect matches with other people, most of our relationships are compromises to some degree. Recognize, his current love interest isn't satisfying him completely or he would not still be seeing you. You can and should still enjoy spending time with him when you can as long as you are enjoying doing so, but you also should be out there looking for a guy who feels as much for you as you do for him.

 

Excellent post Mothman. Its nice to see some others here trying to provide helpful comments. :2thumbsup::2thumbsup::2thumbsup::2thumbsup:

 

LOL.
I have said LOT'S that is helpful, here, in other threads and via pm's in the past. It just isn't what she wants to hear.
She wants someone like you to come along, stroke her hair and tell her "cheating is OK", "You had no other choice.", "It's all everyone else's fault".

Sorry, but I'm being straight up honest with her. Hopefully she will recognize that I repeatedly have advised her to NOT invest so much of her sense of self-worth into what she has going with a man.
That is good sound advice, especially for someone going through what she has been.
She needs to stop viewing herself only from the perspective of her relationships and come to terms with herself, by herself, for herself.


Judging from the rep comments and pm's I received concerning my remarks in this thread, a lot of people agree with me.

 

And don't you feel validated. Hm, and you were thinking that is what I wanted. They're all trippn.

 

Does your husband know you don't love him anymore? Or that you want out? Or the cheating part? I'm not judging, just need more info.

 

I have been caught in only my very first affair that was in late 2011. Since then I've had 5 lovers. Yes he knows I want out and he does too. He doesn't know I currently cheat, or he doesn't let on. Sometimes I'm gone overnight. A lot of times I just stay out late. For the most part I usually don't have more than 3 fuck friends at a time. Right now, it's 2.

 

Mothman and Joshoa....yes I need to accept it. He made me feel so special. I can only imagine he does the same for her. She is so lucky to have him. Make me tear up just saying that. He wants her, he's wanted her for a long time. His words to me, his actions still show that he isn't fully committed to her. He's waiting to see if it works out. I wanted to wait with him.

We have a tentative time to see each other Wed or Thurs. I've opted out if he would rather just make his life simpler. Our only remaining time is sunday when we meet with a big group for tennis. Usually we have lunch after and a few beers. That will have to be enough. I think he'll be relieved.

 

Maybe you've already answered this in a future post (after typing this I'm gonna read the rest of the thread and edit this if necessary), but based on what you wrote above... I'm wondering, WHAT/WHY is the reason that you stay with him again? Because I recall you saying earlier it is for the kids, but aren't your kids older- teenagers or older? I think they can handle it. And honestly, as some other people on here have mentioned, keeping together an unhappy marriage is quite often worse for any children then ending the marriage.


Okay...calgirl, haven't read the whole thread yet..but I have gotten a couple pages further and see that you are tired of talking about the issue or leaving your husband or not leaving your husband..
so I just wanted to make a note here about why I was asking you why you stay with your husband...
The reason I ask, and what I was kinda getting at.. but I wanted it to be something that came from you (which ever way the answer would be), is... do you love your husband? Do you love him as a person and a friend and are you in love with your husband? (might also want to think about whether or not you like your husband as a person)....
because if you DO love your husband, you might want to think about, how, maybe you feel your husband is so neglectful because he doesn't care as much about you as you'd like and all.. but maybe he cares more than you think he does (and maybe has problems showing it or something- maybe he is deeply hurt or depressed about something... this is all just speculation but think about it all...), ...and anyways, if you love your husband maybe think how much it could hurt him if he'd find out things? Sometimes when we love people we have to accept them as they are, not the way we want them to be.