in too deep

Well its been almost a year since I've been on here and a year and 3 months since all of this started so I guess it's time for an update for those of you following my situation. Things had been going very well. She was still with him but they were getting distant and we were getting closer. At this point she hadn't told me she loved me yet because she didn't feel it was right still being with him. Anytime she wasn't working and he wasn't home she was with me. Then about a month ago she found out for sure he was cheating on her, she caught him at the girl's house and ended it. She moved in with me later that night. This all happened on a Friday and we both had the weekend off. Saturday was wonderful, she was still hugging me and kissing me and even told me she loved me for the very first time in a text message. Sunday was good too I got up and made her breakfast and we spent the day together. This is when things started to get weird. She started pulling away from me telling me that she needed time to figure out her feelings, that she didn't feel right just jumping into something with someone, and that she didn't know what she wanted. She didn't think she would feel this way, she thought she would have no problem continuing with me. This is when she started pushing me away. There were days she would just lay on the bed and cry and I would try to comfort her and she saw that as me smothering her. She didn't want to talk either. She did mention possibly wanting to go talk to a therapist to deal with everything and I told her that it was a good idea but then she said how am I going to talk to a stranger? I told her that I was there for her and I would listen and she can talk about anything she wanted to but she didn't want to take me up on that. One day I sat her down
and we talked. I told her that I don't understand why she's so heartbroken when he didn't have her heart, I did. I told her that I'm not real sure how to even be around her, that I want to hold her and comfort her but she doesn't want me to. She said she just needs time to figure things out. I understand that. But how can she say she doesn't want to jump into anything with anyone when we were already together. We have been in a relationship on the side of their relationship for about a year and now she's not sure what she wants. I asked her if she still loves me and she said she's not sure of her feelings but she knows they're not as strong as before. I honestly don't feel like that's true. We talked again later and I told her that I don't feel like she doesn't know what she wants, I feel like it's the heart versus head thing where she is not allowing herself to follow her heart. But now that everything is coming true she's not sure how to deal with what she wants because of her parents not accepting it. She's afraid she will lose her family. I say this because there have been two times since she's moved in that there has been contact with us, like a back rub or something and things end up going further. She said I can't even touch her without turning her on. So with that being said, how does she not know how she feels or what she wants? She still does things that show me how she feels. The other night we were laying on the bed watching TV and she started playing with my hair and rubbing my neck. Or sometimes when are talking she will reach over and rub my arm or lay her hand on my leg. Sometimes when we're going to sleep she will lay her hand on my arm. Or if we're laying in bed watching TV she will move and lay right against me basically her butt is in my crotch. To me these are all signs that it's still there and she still wants this she just needs time to get out of her head. It has been a month now since she left him and she's been staying here and sleeping in my bed. I just hate not knowing where things stand. When I ask her she's more confused than ever. She says she just needs time to figure her feelings out. But she may get back to where she was, basically in love with me, but she's not sure that it's going to
happen. She doesn't want to lead me on and me to end up getting hurt. It's just so confusing. She doesn't want anybody to have any expectations of her right now and that's fine and I don't. But then say if her parents ask her to come over for dinner she tells them she wants to find out if I ate anything so we might get something together. I just don't know what to do. I finally have her here with me all the time but this is not how I want it. Of course I want her here all the time, but I want her to be with me, I want us to be together. And she told me a while back that the song All of Me by John Legend made her
think of me. We decided it would be our song. Now I hear it at least 4 times a day. I believe that everything happens for a reason, I've always believed that. But with this I don't know if it's a sign that things are going to work out or a curse. I asked her how she feels when she hears the song and she said that sometimes she's happy but sometimes it makes her cry that she's that f***** up in the head. At this point I really don't know what to do she's giving me signs that she wants to be with me, that everything is still there but she's just so confused. I just don't understand how she could tell me she loved me on Saturday but then by Monday she has no idea what she wants