in denial about my sexuality?

Hi I'm a 20 year old male from the west coast and have been questioning my sexuality for some time now. I currently live with my mom and sister who both have no clue about my ongoing dilemma . I have never had a girlfriend or boyfriend ,which is mainly because I was homeschooled my entire childhood because the learning environment better suited me as I have Asperger's syndrome. Now that you know a bit about me on to the sexual confusion. Growing up I was always interested in girls, my first crush was a girl who lived up the street from me, though she did not feel the same about me I did not start exploring my sexuality until age 16 when my mom,sis and I moved to my grandma's house,That's when I started looking up pictures of naked guys on the internet. it started out of curiosity but has since evolved into masturbating. During the years that followed I became more curious about the same sex and less about the opposite. Over the past few months I've come to the realization that I'm not the least bit interested in women, and that I find guys VERY attractive. I jackoff to guys, my celebrity crush is male ,I listen to lady gaga but I find anal sex GROSS!!!. You wouldn't say I dress , speak or have the mannerisms of the stereotypical gay man though. In closing(yes its finally over!!!) I would like to thank anyone who reads this for whatever help you offer-Tony

P.S sorry for the awful punctuation it was not a strong suit of mine in school

 

I wouldnt include listening to lady gaga in the checklist

 

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After sleeping on it a few things came to mind that I left out of my first post. I don't think i will be able to admit to myself that I'm gay until I have an encounter with a man that makes me feel something. Second though my fantasies are often about men I can't see myself living with one, raising a family, growing old together. But I can picture that with a women confusing?????? Lastly I can't imagine coming out to any member of my family particular my dad who is Christian.

 

Fantasies and reality can be really different sometimes.
Just because you find something hot (I'm a female that enjoys lesbian and gay porn) does not necessarily define your sexual orientation.

It's ok to call your orientation 'Questioning'. Take some time to figure it out(that may take years) before you jump to labeling yourself something more definitive.

 

I think you will know when you start dating people. So relax, take it easy and start dating both men and women (not at the same time though! ) At some point your heart will tell you what really makes you happy

 

Easy there. I'm going to break this for ya. In my experience, you can't base your entire sexual orientation upon what kind of fantasies that goes through your mind when you're alone. If you google "am I gay porn" or "am I a lesbian porn" on Google you will get thousands of hits of websites where e.g. girls, that are straight, are worried they are gay because they look at and get turned on by lesbian porn. It's just one of those things.

Sexuality is very fluid. Don't feel "forced" to put a label on yourself. Just live your life and if you meet a man you love then that's great! Embrace the love. If you meet a woman? That's also great. Don't think too much about it. Us human beings are far too complicated.

 

I am going to go against the grain here. I think you are gay or maybe bisexual. Should what I think matter to you? No not really, I am just some guy in the internet.

You don't go by what music you like or hobbies, I am a fan of death metal andI like fixing trucks and fishing and camping, but I am gayer than sunshine because I like men. I felt my parents wouldn't accept me, they had trouble at first, mom would cry my brother would ignore me. But they came around.

 

......:troll:......



Cheers Glen.

 

If you are not interested in women at all and find guys very attractive as you put it, I would say you are gay. The fact that you can not imagine yourself living with a man and growing old together, etc. may just be the product of conditioning, observations, what we perceive to be normal, what we think will make us happy, etc. I'm sure having a religious parent just adds to the confusion because you do not want to disappoint or upset them. I dealt with all of these same issues. Soon you will figure out that it is your life to live not your parent's or anyone else's. Don't rush into fulfilling your desires though. Hooking up with some random guy on craigslist may leave you disappointed or even disgusted afterwards, confusing you even more so. At the same time, don't ignore your desires and try to suppress them because they will always be there and resurface sooner or later.