Impregnation Fantasy.. A couple of questions

We started talking on a dating website a couple years ago, but never met. He contacted me last year and we hit it off.

 

Don't feel guilty. At least you considered it. I am pro choice.

You're too far along for an abortion now anyway. He's ILL informed if he thinks it's still feasible.

As for Adoption: I wouldn't do this myself because I would go out of my mind wondering where the child was and if it was being cared for properly. It would drive me to insanity.

Regardless, if you give up the baby and continue to see him, how will you feel about it? I know myself, and IF DH wanted me to give up our child, and if for some insane reason I actually went along with it, I would end up blaming him. That's how I would react. Just make sure you consider each scenario. Your initial reaction will tell you what you need to do.

What happens if you get pregnant again?

You need to have a serious talk with him. I get he's not ready and you probably aren't either.

I was 27 when I had my first and I was scared because it was a huge responsibility. DH was supportive but not exactly overjoyed. He hadn't been around kids and didn't know how to care for one. Secretly he thought he wouldn't be able to handle it. He learned very quickly. I had complications and was bedridden for a couple of weeks. In the hospital, I wasn't able to get up, so he had to change the diapers. He stepped up because he had to and found that he could do it. It was simply insecurity. As I said, mine hates other kids but loves his own. I just realized, yours seems to have the opposite inclination.

As for living with the parents, BE VERY CAREFUL. I don't think any parent should live with their recently married children. Newlyweds need some time alone. Typically in an Indian family, the parents live with the son and his wife. I know from family members this can cause LOTS of problems in the marriage. Talk about meddling Mothers! As long as the boundaries are clearly defined, there shouldn't be too many issues. However, will he stand up for you against his parents? All things to consider, regardless of who you decide to marry.

DH and I talked about our elderly parents and we agreed they would live with us when the time comes (when they are unable to live alone/without supervision).

It's great you are open to his culture. He needs to be open to yours as well. SOME Indian men will walk all over their wives. Just because you want to be the typical housewife doesn't mean you have to be a door mat, either.

I would make sure he is upfront about what your relationship really is. Do you have a relationship or are you just the girl he "knocked up?"

By the way, I have several male relatives who had gf/mistresses who have children. (To be clear, they have kids with these Other Women.) They didn't marry them nor did they leave their wives for them. Yet the gf/mistresses don't give up on the relationship.

Things to think about. You can PM me anytime. No one should have to go through a pregnancy alone.

Read What to expect when you're expecting. They have a section for New Dads as well. Have him read that.

 

I would not want to do the abortion now. I thought it was tragic at 6 weeks pregnant and even more so now. I am pro-choice too, but I've always said that I would never do it.

I guess I am just confused on the whole fantasy part. If my fantasy was to be with a woman, or have an orgy with multiple guys, or even be spanked until I cried, I'm going to want that to happen. If my fantasy is to get pregnant by an alien, then that to me IS fantasy because I know that won't happen. Maybe that is one reason why he is was so driven, because I had an iud. He said the only other fantasies that he had played were doctor/nurse thing. The pregnancy fantasy is something that most people will eventually make a reality. It just happened a lot sooner than he hoped.

Just with me telling him to stop the pregnancy fantasy numerous times and him saying during sex that he wanted to deposit everything he had inside me........I just have a hard time understanding the fantasy. I don't think he really wanted it NOW, but in some ways I think he did.

 

LM2014 - I would like to PM you, but I don't think I have privileges to do so.

 

You're right, it's something you don't think will actually happen with birth control in place, and therefore you may not even have considered the question "what if it did happen?". The reality might become a lot scarier than you'd have thought if it arrives at the wrong time. Pretty much nothing except abstaining from vaginal intercourse is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy (even tied tubes could regrow themselves in very rare cases), so it would be wise to avoid getting carried away in fantasyland. But when you have young people driven by a combination of their sexual fantasies and a supposed 99% chance to escape any potential consequences, they're not going to worry about it until it's too late.

 

I talked to his ex-girlfriend. She broke up with him because of this.