I'm on the verge of something, but I need your advice

I've been on a couple dating sites for some months.
I saw an American girl back in December and we kissed and went on a few more dates.
In fact she came round for dinner and hung out in my room, she was lying on my bed even, and it took me so long to make a move by the time I suggested a massage she said, I've already organised to meet a friend in a bar, we've gotta go in 10 mins.
TBH I just wasn't really feeling it with her and /or just got really nervous and kinda froze.
Since then no others have replied although a few have contacted me but they've not been my type.

Group therapy is a good idea actually, I did this once before and managed to break through a pretty big mental barrier I'd had for a while.

I will look into it. Thanks a lot that was a really useful suggestion and it totally bypassed me

 

You’re suggesting that there is a very high percentage of abused girls in prostitution. I’m sure there are numerous abused girls in prostitution, just as there are numerous abused girls working in other professions. For you to suggest that prostitution is wrong because it perpetuates abuse just strikes a nerve with me.

That’s great, but you need to get on the sites the Spanish girls are on. I wouldn't want to date American or English girls if I was living in Spain.

 

It makes zero difference to me how many prostitutes have been abused as long as I don't abuse them myself. Unless you think prostitution is inherently abusive, you wouldn't make the assertion you made, would you?

And then you turn around and claim to fear the thread will devolve into an argument about the merits and demerits of prostitution. Well, guess who started it...

Don't we all.

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Edit: Finally, the idea that prostitution is inherently abusive carries within it certain assumptions about gender and sex which, for all I know, may be related to the very sexual inhibitions you seem to suffer from.

 

not every girl who's a prostitute has an abuse history, but lots do

not every prostitute is addicted to drugs, but many are

a prostitute is not always worse off for having sex with a client, but they often are

if you have sex with a prostitute, I think that it's a good idea to have at least a little bit of a connection to her, and to be at least a little bit loving. it's pretty much a good idea in any case, and can help you from causing harm to someone who may be vulnerable

 

lol. And you may find that she wants none of your connection or love, and she very much sees you as the vulnerable party. What, the baby can't even have sex without digging into his pockets and could only last for 2 minutes...

Poor thing.

Speaking from experience, I'd bet on my scenario versus yours any day.

 

I'll also add that...
There are a lot of regular girls with abuse histories.
There are lots of regular girls addicted to drugs.

Often prostitutes are vulnerable and worse off for having sex with a client? How so? They certainly end up with their pockets fuller, and can even take advantage of guys.

 

let's continue here http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?p=7576832#post7576832

and give the thread back to the op

 

I'm glad you didn't go the hooker route OP. That doesn't lead to anything except abuse of various forms. Don't listen to these guys trying to lionize the sex profession, the truth is that there are high forms of abuse, present and past, in the world of prostitution, as well as drug addiction and violence. A lot of guys here just want to seem hip and cool with "seeing through the dating game" and just going straight to money -> sex. But even through the wall of the internet you can hear their pain, their jaded loneliness, the way their spirits have been crushed by shallow and manipulative women, leaving them feeling like there is no true connection out there, and it comes down to "what do i need to do to you to satisfy what i want for me". It's very sad.

I used to be just like you OP, just couldn't "play the game" with girls, and they could smell that, and weren't interested. Some tried to teach me to play, and I was disgusted at what "the game" is. Completely devalues everyone who plays it and in the end everyone ends up alone and bitter. You know what changed? I met a woman who was not like those girls. Not like that chick you felt no connection to, who was lying on your bed, in your room, obviously ready for something. You felt nothing. I've been there man. I've turned down threesomes like that. Girls throwing themselves at me, because they were drunk, because they were lonely, because it was new years eve and their shallow and manipulative ways meant they have nobody in the world except whatever guy they could swindle and "game" into fucking their brains out for one night. And then they would feel like hotshots for having a slutty night and the guy would feel like a hotshot for having a pimpin night, and egos would inflate, but no connection is made, nothing new and beautiful is added to anyone's life. But I met someone different. I met her online too. And she doesn't play games. She doesn't care about money. She doesn't care about what use I am to her. She loves me, for who I am, and that's it. It really is that simple. It's out there. Do not let bitter lonely people tell you that it's not, they just haven't found it themselves and so they've convinced themselves it doesn't exist. They haven't realized their own nasty bad habits have completely blocked it from happening.

Keep up with the internet dating. Keep up with the language improvements. Keep going on dates. If you don't feel comfortable on a date, because there's no connection, then walk away. If you feel like she's too interested in how you are gonna pay for dinner, walk away. Don't waste your time on that garbage. Keep dating, and I promise you, you will find a good woman who will be in it for YOU. And the experience you get along the way, let it only HELP your confidence, and don't EVER settle for someone who isn't honest and upfront with you. If she plays games, call her on it, if she doesn't change, dump her ass. Stand up for what YOU are worth, and what YOU bring to the table, keep learning how to love women, how to be good in bed, improve yourself as a human being, exercise, learn . . . if she's out there, you will meet her (and I can almost guarantee you it won't be a in a bar or a club either. that's where "game" rules, that's what you want to avoid like the plague)

 

it's true. every single prostitute on the planet is an abused drug addict who gets beaten daily by her pimp.

 

Yeah, you know it all. You went from being nobody to having to fight girls off you with a stick, turning down action left and right, and can now see right through everyone's bullshit and lead us all on the path to a happy loving relationship with our soul mates .

Dude, you're like a superhero.

 

Actually I don't think either of you are wrong. I just think both are describing different paths in life. No need for sarcasm here I don't really see lies here.

It just depends on what the individual wants.

 

That's not what I said, and you making a strawman shows your ignorance about the real world of prostitution.

Gosh, what a glamorous and wonderful profession! I certainly want to get involved, get my loved ones involved, and definitely want to meet my next partner in this field

What was that? I couldn't hear what you said through your fucking foot in your mouth. You guys have some unbelievable gall to say and believe the horseshit that you do.

I truly don't, but this, I do know.

This is actually a pretty accurate description of my life! I wouldn't say "fight off girls with a stick", but if I told you some of the stories, you wouldn't believe me. It turns out that ironically, being an intelligent, thoughtful, decently good looking guy, who doesn't play games or dismiss opportunities for real, long-term relationships, is quite attractive to women. Very attractive in fact, and they can often just SENSE that attitude a mile away. I guess being hit on every day by "players" who just want their number and their booty gets a little old. I have turned down several threesomes from skanky girls because I couldn't even pretend to be interested in their company, to the disbelief and amazement of lonely horny adolescents around me, who were drooling for those same girls attention, and could not incorporate what they just witnessed into their worldview. In the beginning I felt a little guilty and weird about it, like "guys would kill for these things to happen to them", and it actually caused me some unpleasant self-doubt, but over time I've realized that sometimes you go a path where there is no clear trail for you to follow, you make it yourself. Let those guys drool over skanks looking to one-up other skanks, there's better things out there to do, like actually make a deep connection.

I can see through the bullshit of the "game", and the shallow, manipulative, dehumanizing practices that modern men and women are tricked into subscribing too all in the name of not being lonely. It's pretty sad to see. Don't worry, I used to try and learn all about the game, years ago, when I wasn't getting any. Now that I've realized it's because the game is bullshit, and people who play the game are bullshit, I'm suddenly with a wonderful woman, in love, and happy and I still get hit on all the time, even more now that it's known that I'm relationship material.

Well that I can't help you with dude. If you're one of those guys who thinks his greatest asset to women is his abs, then good luck to you. You have a lot of growing up to do.

I'm really not, I'm just someone with whom the current dating mythos did not sit well, and went out to try it my own way, with amazing results.

Oddly enough, the OP seems to have responded best to my post, isn't that interesting? I got a nice thank you from him. It must have been nice for him to hear something that wasn't echoed by the brahs he went clubbing with, variations of "women are shit/use them leave them/just get them drunk and fuck them/ never form relationships, its not manly".

You guys who are truly looking only for a vagina in which to place your penis, have fun with prostitutes. Believe it or not there are men out there who have their aims set a little higher than that. It would behoove you to consider where your aims are set before you realize you are old, alone, and with nothing to show but hazy memories of half-heartfelt hookups with nameless faces who don't care what happens to you one week after.

 

Try me. I’ve seen, witnessed, and been a party to many hard to believe things when it comes to women.

Often people only hear what they want to hear. As they say, ignorance is bliss.

Right, you know us all too well . We’re all just a bunch of shallow, womanizing jerks. How ironic that is coming from a guy who places himself on a pedestal like some guru.

 

no, this is what you said:

yes, i exaggerated to demonstrate how ridiculous your statement was. all you actually said was that every single time someone uses a prostitute, someone is abused. if that weren't the case, then going to a hooker could potentially lead to something other than abuse.

 

i do wonder if he just assumes that every girl that speaks to him is hitting on him because he's such a uniquely amazing person, and that's why he thinks he has to turn down women constantly.

 

I can't help but feel that while there is truth in those studies, the premise if what those studies are claiming are a bit skew to the debate in this thread.

Because all parties talking in this tread are talking about the notion of legalized, regulated prostitution, not the underground kind where abuse is often common like the majority of those studies suggest.

You'd have to find a study that was done exclusively in a country where prostitution is legal and regulated, and then measure the instances of rape and all the negatives, like physical abuse, you're arguing prostitution brings with it that are MORE prevalent compared to just your regular non-sex worker person.


Forced prostitution out of monetary need or psychological need brings harm, and that's all that those studies have proven which I will agree with.

The idea is that prostitution should be a legal job a woman can enter into and then leave with no chance of blackmail by her employer.

Part of the reason prostitutes are abused so much now is because they can't exactly trust law enforcement to help them because what they do for a profession is a crime in most of the USA. If you legalized it, they're pimps would have less leverage over them to back them in a corner and abuse them. (Note: not all pimps are male, some escort agencies are run by all women)