'I'm not looking for anything serious'

Hi

I know this sounds like a cliché but this is a post regarding a friend of mine. I want to see if I can get similar, unbiased opinions..

My friend is seeing a guy. She has tried online dating for the past year and has not found anyone she has clicked with, she's very fussy, she likes guys with a particular colour of hair and ideally older than her and alot taller etc. There is this guy she has known for years (her friend's brother). He is not her type at all, and he is a few years younger than her. She referred to him as a 'back-up guy' because she was trying online dating and this guy was in the background. This guy has recently split from his GF. When my friend told me this, the first thing I asked was HOW LONG AGO DID HE FINISH WITH HER? I was trying to decipher whether or not he is over her. He only split with her 8 weeks ago, they were together for 4 years. My friend has also told me that they have been messaging eachother sexually while he was with his GF and sent pics to one another. She said she felt guilty about it.

My friend persued this this guy out to a bar last Friday, then he went round to her house the next day to watch films, she said they had passionate kisses, he was begging to stay the night as well. She claims they didn't sleep together. Two days later she messaged him asking 'what are we?' He replied with "I knew this was coming... I am not looking for anything serious, I have not been single for long. I have just come out of a relationship and I am trying to get my life on track. I am not ready for another relationship. I do like you and I do like spending time with you.'

This guy and his ex are still following each other on social media. Now to me, with what he said, that I have highlighted in bold, sounds like he has friendzoned my friend. I said to her, he is not ready for a relationship, I knew he would say all that, it's common sense. I told her not to sleep with him until you become official. She said 'I don't think he would ever make it official out of respect for his ex' Which to me means that he is not over his ex and/or not ready to move on. I wonder if she listened to what she just said!!

My friend said to me 'I am not going to message him first, I am going to wait for him to do it' He did and he messaged 'Good morning ' she is getting all excited over that.

How would you interpret what I have highlighted in bold? As a woman, has this ever been said to you and how do you deal with it? Guys, have you ever said this to a woman and if so, did you hope the person you were saying it to read in between the lines and got the hint?

Thanks for reading.

 

He doesn't want to be her boyfriend. Simple as that.

FYI, things a man hates to hear (and I speak from personal experience being the crazy one in relationships)

- Where is this going?
-How do you feel about me?
-What are we?
-I don't want to get into another dead end relationship

Men like to work for things. The best advice I'd give her is to become less available to him.

 

how do you get that? it sounds like the opposite to me; he doesn't actually like her that much but he still wants to fuck around with her.

that's the popular myth that frustrates men more than anything. those stupid hard-to-get games have stopped so many potentially great relationships before they ever had a chance to start.

anyway, welcome back! how have you been?

 

I've been fine. Dandy. Lots of changes last year, but all good stuff. How are you????

 

Ha!

I've said things when I'm in an insecure mood where I can hear myself, and I know I just want to shut up. But I can't.

 

It happens.

I've learned that being more aloof is the best way to have guys wrapped around my finger. *devilish grin*

 

not bad. working too much, but hopefully that ends at some point.

 

Still working with the kids??

 

kids, adults, old people, a little of everybody. same thing i was doing last time we talked, it's just gotten busier. which is good, but not so good for my free time and sleep. i'm in the process of hiring 2 or 3 new people though, so that should relieve a lot of it.

what's new with you? still in school?

 

Yeah! Got accepted to university last spring! Hoping to be done by summer 2019 then 2 years of grad school!!

Also been DJ'ing lots - got my own business for that up and running!

 

that's great, congrats!

what sort of events do you dj?

 

Weddings. I've had a few club and corporate gigs as well. Weddings are a ton of fun, though.