I'm Married To A Man, This Is No Longer What I Want

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by confusedmama, Feb 8, 2016.

  1. confusedmama

    confusedmama New Member

    My husband and I were married happily for some years, we had our children (now 8 and 4)... but through the years I've found myself restless and unsatisfied. It never occurred to me that I might not be in the right place. I went to an all girls school growing up.... have crushes on other girls but as there were no lesbian relationships, I never really learnt about any of that and I followed the crowd, for want of a better phrase. My mum is deeply religious... she is mormon, so again I think I never rocked the boat on anything for fear of upsetting her and my family.

    Here I am in my 30's.... two kids and 9 years into marriage. The last 2 of which have been very rocky and I'm now realising why, having made a lot of new female friends in the last year. Some of those friends are very openly gay and I see how happy they are and I've been introduced to their friends and partners and I've began to have incredibly strong feelings for one of my new friends. I know she has equally strong feelings back. This has been going on like this for 6 months.

    Sex with my husband.... it's almost non-existant because I use every excuse to shy away from it and when we do, i feel shaken and upset afterwards, not that I tell him.

    I know what I want.... as im here and 30... I just dont know what to do now? i dont want to be in my straight marriage. but i dont know how to get out of it..... and my family, i dont know how they will take any of this. I sit any time i am alone and think about how I would word such a conversation with my husband... i can't live like this any more.
  2. Heat

    Heat Smile, it's contagious! :) Lifetime Supporter

    I would suggest you find a professional to talk to and to help you sort out exactly what you are feeling. They will b able to help you to navigate through this and decisions that you will be making.
    1 person likes this.
  3. morrow

    morrow Senior Member

    Be careful what you wish for! It might not be all you hoped for, and you might not be able to go back. Do as heat suggests, talk to someone,good luck
    1 person likes this.
  4. silk896

    silk896 Member

    You are far from alone in this position.
    There are more women than you realize facing the same situation.

    The hardest part has been achieved - the coming out to yourself. Take the advice above - seek counselling but don't allow others to sway you. You're asking for help in changing your lifestyle, not a reversal.
    jmadre and BeachBall like this.
  5. Steve0315

    Steve0315 Member

    God bless you.

    Don't listen to those comments like "Be careful what you wish for, the green isn't always greener and it's better the devil you know" I'm a full believer that you should experience everything in this life that you want to.

    Staying with your husband is just as unfair to him as it is for you, as well as the kids too!

    They deserve to have a happy mum.

    I would suggest that you speak to someone professionally.

    Counselling is purely just an open conversation with a stranger where you have a space to talk about how you feel without any guilt, once you allow yourself too.

    It'll be an interesting and at times difficult journey but i'm sure in time you will do it.

    Good luck!
  6. Tammy2tone29

    Tammy2tone29 Member

    I go through phases where I feel the same way but it comes and goes. When I'm into women I become consumed with it. But then I go back into cock mode. My husband has no idea but not because he would be opposed. He would want a Threeway and try to make it all about him. When I'm with a woman I want it to be all about us.
    jmadre likes this.
  7. LezLuther

    LezLuther Member

    - you only have one life, don't spend it in a cage.
    - you have to tell hubby. this is massive. yes, there will be divorce and there will be pain but it's the only way and it's better for both of you in the end. you two aren't in a relationship anymore, just holding onto the memory of one.
    - it's up to you and your husband how how you will deal with the kids, etc.
    - get a strong support base in the community and explore what you feel for your friend. kiss her and see what happens.
    - no one in your family has any right to shame you.
    jmadre, BeachBall and morrow like this.
  8. morrow

    morrow Senior Member

    Fantastic advice!
  9. Stacy245

    Stacy245 New Member

    Seeking professional help will definitely work for you.
  10. IAmMaxieHearMeRoar

    IAmMaxieHearMeRoar Maxie Lee Courtland-Colton

    Think about what the best choice for you is
    jmadre likes this.
  11. vina

    vina Member

    What about the kids in all of this? How would it affect them? I don't know if it's going to be worth it even.
  12. la Principessa

    la Principessa Old School HF Member

    Parents get divorced all the time. Don't let anyone shame you or make you feel like you're being selfish. You may be gay, but you're also unhappy in your relationship. And even the latter alone is a valid enough reason to move on. But especially so if you want to live your truth.

    I'm a product of divorce myself and I don't wish my parents had stayed together. They hated each other and they did themselves and me a favor by breaking up.
    Noserider and scratcho like this.
  13. Isla Rose

    Isla Rose Member

    hi x I am 42.
    finally conceded that after 30 years of failed heterosexual relationship, that I am better suited to women.
    the relationships are more honest, intense and drama free.
    the sex is more intense than I have ever experienced x
    Noserider and Irminsul like this.
  14. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    She never came back----1 post.
    Irminsul likes this.
  15. Eric!

    Eric! Member

    And over two years ago
    GeorgeJetStoned and Irminsul like this.
  16. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie

    That doesn't matter though because Isla.Rose has found her true calling, a man free life. :) we should be offering her words of encouragement.

    You go girl! :)
  17. Eric!

    Eric! Member

    Every woman needs a man:D
  18. McFuddy

    McFuddy HaHaHa Joke’s on you Batman

    Well sure, somebody has to kill spiders and open jars.
  19. morrow

    morrow Senior Member

    You wish :D dream on
    Eric! likes this.
  20. mysticblu21

    mysticblu21 Member

    I don't like to kill spiders prefer to just catch them using a container like a jar and then release it outside:sunglasses:
    Noserider and morrow like this.

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