So I've been questioning my sexuality for a while now. The biggest confusion for me comes from that I was raised in a very christian family, so I can't tell if I've just gotten so used to suppressing gay instincts due to my upbringing, or if I'm actually straight/bi-curious/gay or whatnot. (Note: my parents aren't homophobic at all, they are actually very accepting that people are born gay, they just view gay sex as wrong, just like sex outside of marriage) I first began to question my sexuality when I started fantasizing about being the girl in pornos. Whenever I would watch porn, I felt the urge to be the person getting fucked. I started watching gay porn, and it really turns me on, although I still enjoy straight porn. The biggest thing is that any porn gives me the urge to be the bottom person, and I do enjoy anal play. Initially I thought I was totally gay, but I don't feel any emotional connection/attraction to guys, and I'm still sexually attracted to girls. Like if I see a girl dressed sluttily on the street I'll stare and get aroused, and like I said before I still enjoy straight porn. But, the more I watch gay porn and wonder about my sexuality, the more I'm starting to look at guys on the street sexually, and it makes me question if my upbringing is the only thing making me attracted to girls, because my I was told to be attracted to them. Final notes: I'm a 19 year old virgin, and I've backed out of having sex with a girl, so that also really makes me question if I'm even bi, although I was really drunk at the time. Overall, I'm just at a really confusing point in my life right now, and not being confident about my own sexuality really sucks. Any comments/thoughts/help on my sexuality is greatly appreciated.
You said you are a virgin. There's your problem. Have sex. (safe sex) with both genders. The more you do that, the more clear things will get.
I sure wish I had the internet when I was 19! What you are describing is pretty much me! Forget being gay, straight, bi, etc. You are a human being with natural sexual desires. Very few people have simple one way desires. They just are so suppressed by society, church, or family that they think they are alone. You are not. I repressed my gay desires for years - until finally in grad school, I got the opportunity to have a discrete affair with another gay man. It was great sex! But I decided I am just basically straight - with some queer sexual needs. I am married with kids now. I do miss gay sex, but not enough to go cheating. Bottom line (no pun intended) is you just gotta make some decisions - but they are your decisions, not anyone else's. not your parents. Not your church, not your friends. Certainly no one here either. Relax, stay cool, and let us know what happens.
It is pretty difficult and equally so, unnecessary setting things in stone at the age of 19. Leave the mores of your environment to them. Adopt a positive attitude, go out and have safe fun. You'll soon discover what works best for you. You do not need any verified membership in gay, str8 or bi clubs to go out and have sex. Part with the idea that your sexual behavior is a matter for the others to divine about. You do what you feel like doing with other consenting adults, and you keep your cards as close to you as possible. Your sexuality is first and foremost your intimate, private matter, and you owe it to no one to discuss it, and seek anyone's approval. KD
...if you feel like this at 19...its almost a given that you're gay rather than bi...accept it & move on with your life as a gay man...I wouldn't be in any rush to 'come-out' until you are comfortable with the new you...the new part is the finally being yourself...
