It's a beautiful rainy day outside... very poetic... but I have a migraine, I am lonely and bored as fuck, I have no money, last night I wasn't invited out with the rest of my "friends" like... okay maybe I was but I don't think I was missed or I'd have gotten a phone call or two or three for not joining the party... I wanna go out tonight but of course as always I bet because for once I wanna go, no one else is gonna want to, I might not be able to afford a beer, I feel like people expect me to pay for everything these days... and someone owes me money and all sorts of things and what the fuck is up with them not giving a fuck like... okay, sorry, I'm pissed. And I'm frustrated that every time I dare mention how pissed-off I am, which I have every right to be, I fear people's reactions, being judged from past... whatever that's over but still used against me obviously... and like... hello, I'm human, I have emotions, I can control them now, although no one gives me a chance to show it, but sometimes I get annoyed... sorry for not being made out of plastic with a fake smile stuck on my fucking face. Oh, and sorry for not pretending to be miss zen so that it pleases whoever the fuck it might be, and choose to be myself instead. Which doesn't mean I have mental illnesses, that I can't control myself, or anything like that. At all. ...and don't you love it how my threads only make sense to me? Yeah, I love it too.