I'm gonna be late for work because....

i was too busy milking my one eyed snake

 

andy griffitsh matrathon is on and barney just lost the key to the cell door..
and even if I do get out im still stuck on gilligan island for at least three seasons..

 

I haven't finished my breakfast yet.

 

because i like to be fashionably late

 

something happened to my mouth overnight.

 

i panicked and lost my head

 

I had to get off the train and wait for the next one.

 

I was too embarrassed to come out of the house.

 

i was too busy fucking tiger woods

 

exploding under pants .... lol detained ... it was just a duck call I sat on. refuckinglax!!

 

I'm going to be late for work because.

 

my cat begged me not to go.

 

this mesmerised me

 

because of shitty road works.

 

i wanted to be on here instead

 

I can work from home today.

 

Samurais outside