i'm cheating on my boyfriend....

thanks duck

 

You might as well tell him you're cheating now. He will not be the same if you decide to return to him after your little break. He will suspect you are playing the field, even if you deny it. imo

 

If any of this is true (We already know you are a dishonest person by your own admission), the main person that it shows disrespect for is yourself.

It says that you see no value in yourself as a person or for anyone else.

The fact that in response to not having a good relationship with your current boyfriend, instead of you looking for a way to fix it, you looked for a way around it, speaks volumes of your own self-worth.

If you had any value in yourself, you would have ended it with your boyfriend before starting with the other guy. The fact that instead of doing that, you cheated and then came and posted about it, just demonstrates that the value you place on your boyfriend is even less then the one you put on yourself.

And as for Vanilla Gorilla's input...

This is what women tell guys who suck in bed in order to not hurt their feelings. Wonder what it means that you think most women are like this?

 

End of the day, just put yourself in your boyfriends shoes, you know it would suck. It's pretty logical, don't do to others what you do not want done to yourself.

And to answer Chronic Tom, Vanilla is gay I think. Obviously not saying that in a condescending way towards him, but I doubt he would have been told this 'specific type of guy' nonsense in order to let him down gently about his sexual performance.

However, since his proclivity is as it is, it does make me wonder why he seems to be an aficionado of what women like in the sack all of a sudden!

I think he raised some interesting points, and it certainly gave a perspective as to why women would cheat- but whether the reason is good or not it is still hurtful to a partner.

 

It means most guys suck in bed

 

That ole chestnut, yeah cos one can only KNOW women if you rub belly buttons with them

Of course the flip side to that coin is that they arent going to talk about intimate stuff with dudes, that'll just make them aroused, some details they dont share with the girlfriends as they wont let them near their own boyfriends any more, so guess who gets to hear all the weird crap. Which of course only happens when no one else is around, so the rest of you never get a whiff of it, and we get to go through life like every one else is blind.

Which yes has meant in one way I've ended up more cynical and bitter than is required.

From my perspective, if they all trusted each other like they say they do then they wouldnt get so damn jealous all the time, and yes it is just about every single one of them

 

I put jealously down to self esteem rather than a lack of trust. Although those who cheat who exhibit more jealous behaviour because they believe any can have the ability to cheat if they have.

I have a friend, or more a tolerance, who fucks loads of girls behind is girlfriends back and then gives his girlfriend grief about cheating- which she doesn't. That's shit.

 

See, here's the difference, I actually talk to the people I am with. We have conversations about everything, including sex. If there is a problem, we talk about it, together, and we either work it out, or we go our seperate ways.

We don't play games, we don't lie to each other and we don't cheat on each other. I have met more then a few women who said they wanted this but really didn't, who have cheated on me.

They were tossed aside as the dishonest trash they were.

I also know many guys who act the same way.

I have also met many who didn't.

The best part about all this is what people are saying about themselves in this thread (and others like it).

If you lie to and cheat on the person you are supposed to be sharing your life with, why in the hell would ANYONE else ever trust you about anything?

or to put it another way;

If you can't be trusted to communicate in an honest and open manner with your chosen partner(s), what can you ever be trusted with?

 

Hi memi. Long time no see! As someone who has actually met you although fairly briefly, I see this as out of character for you. I most certainly support you in your quest to spend some time in the singles club. It will be good for you. What you've described is classic behaviour for someone who needs a change. You may choose to go back to your current boyfriend or you might choose to take it up with this new fella - which I strongly advise against. Keep your chin up

Adam,

 

Gad! (No, not GAD Duck - and thanx for the personal rundown on that)

I thot, with the seven pages that this thread was bumped - but it only started yesterday! The subject line hit a big collective nerve apparently.

I read the entirety and there were some good insights (as well as some mean-spirited insults that did nothing but vent). Duck gave some of the best insights, but others also were spot on.

Since it's all been said in these seven pages, all I can add is my belief that honesty in a relationship is most important and that you failed in that requirement, which I think you know.

As Duck sorta ran down, you appear to be conflicted by an ideal of having a "husband." You know, that old '50s era stuff my mom and dad were into. He was the breadwinner and she did her wifely duties. Trouble is, since the free love days you know there are more options and you have strayed from your wifely duty of pleasing your ol' man in bed as an obligation to his supporting you. (By support, includes the image of a stable relationship to wave in front of family & friends who subscribe to that ideal).

I actually lived in a stable relationship for a couple decades and never had sex with another woman for that time. (Men are a diff subject - and my wife knew about my down-low).

However, I did get infatuated with another woman once while away from home - so much so that I was bubbling over about it when I got back. Who else to tell of an infatuation than your life partner? My wife (whose rule was "don't bring anything home, no disease - no children") was only concerned about how it would affect our relationship and even told me to go to her and get it out of my system. I never did. Knew it would not work out with us (just as you know the fantastic lover won't be long-term).

The thing is, I never cheated on my wife with another woman (guys didn't count) and was always upfront with her about other women who turned me on.

So, it is nice that you are sorting things out. I think you should honestly tell your B/F about your indescretions because I am very apprehensive about betrayal and honesty is my primary requirement in a relationship. (Unless, of course you think he will go psycho on you and start killing).

Perhaps you should give up on the ideal of a long-term boyfriend and just go freelance for a while. We older ppl did that in the '70s and it can be rewarding exploring multiple options.

Good Luck

 

The only thing I can tell you is that years from now,after the whole thing is over,you will be alone without either of them and you will never be able to get rid of the bad feeling of having done something wrong.
It would definitely be better to come clean no matter what happens.I know this from experience.

 

funny, cos I thought duck had it spot on.

Maybe he's being kind, maybe you are only with ur bf so you can cheat (as u said u get off on it) and maybe u only came here to be told it's wrong so you can get off on it even more.

If your partner is lacking in any area of a relationship enough for it to make you unhappy or unsatisfied you probably should talk to him, but you don't even have to do that. Break it off, even if it unfair at least it's honest.

 

I really don't see the issue here. It is really simple, breakup with your bf before you ruin his life.

 

Moonshine, keep fucking the other guy. Forget relationships. Have the best of both worlds. Everyone else can fuck off:tongue:

Do what feels good. And if it ends up fucking you and the others involved later on then so be it and lesson learned.

 

You're an ass. Period

 

Come on free love man! honestly.

 

someone already said this on effing page 2: free love is free love when people are open about it and sharing it freely

she's lying and i hate hearing about this shit

duck is right...karma man fuckn karma


this is NOT free love. end of story

 

Come on now lying is what free love is all about. It's the first step! Wake up now.

 

IDK what you kids are smoking these days, but Free Luv is two consenting ppl engaging in fucking with both their knowledge. (No, roofies is not free love)

Believe me, I was there when they invented Free Love.

And yes, I did screw another man's ol' lady, but didn't know she was connected until later. That was an issue they had to work out and he and I became friends and I never fucked her again. That was Free Luv, man.

The issue here is honesty in a relationship, and not fucking behind your partners back without their knowledge and consent. Otherwise, just break up and go do your thing uninhibited.