im buddhist (have my card) but i like hinduism better

let me state that i started out with transcendental meditation when i was a kid and studied that and sri vidya exclusively for 25 years and then about ten years ago i found dzogchen which i really dug a lot. but after awhile i decided i really didn't like buddhists, lamas, buddhist meditation, ratiocination and endless self recursive argumentation.

i prefer the simplicity of my tm and sri devi centered practices. I do really love dzogchen and I would be 3/4 happy with it if it weren't based on Buddhism. I find Buddhism unhappy, cynical, and all those smiling patented lama faces are truthfully full of shit. I know lamas very well and they are at least as miserable as everyone else. sure there may be some who are true, but not the majority. they come to the west seeking money and power just like any other eastern guru.

my real question is that now im up a tree since to receive the initiations I had to take vows of bodhisattva and many other ones, and I have never been the sightest bit able to really benefit others, and my natural meditation state is positive and I don't need the extra gobbledygook refuge bodhicitta dedication stuff. if I sit to meditate I end with feeling benevolent to all beings including my enemies so I utterly despise phraseology and repetition by rote of formulas.

even making this post is a break in my vows. tantric vows are especially damning. so I feel basically torn. I feel I should have been able to experiment and indulge in the teachings without the pressure to conform and kowtow (literally). so much of it is anathema to me.

and to all who have seen me blow my fuse here previously I apologize. I have explained to the very kind meagain that I have a problem with Xanax and sometimes I take it and wake up in a rage and hyper as shit - I have read up on it and it's called paradoxical rage because on some people Xanax does the opposite of calming one down.

anyway, I chose to call myself Buddhist and took refuge during about ten years ago when the hindu bjp was having riots over ayodhya and raping and killing in the streets, and I then learned that Hinduism in india especially is more fundamentalist than born againism. I became Buddhist as a statement of intent for peace instead of war. but since I have learned that Tibetan Buddhists hate muslims, white people, and show the same xenophobia that you would expect from the usual ignorant.

so what do you think? if you care at all. thanks for reading. I write lower case because it allows me to stream my thoughts better. sorry for that.

 

You make a lot of generalizations. ALL tibetian buddhists hate white people and muslims? You spoke to each one? And even if you spoke to many, do you think that they learned those values from the Dharma? Or do you think you are seeing simple "redneck" values in the mountains which survive DESPITE the dharma. People are ignorant period, it doesn't matter what religion they profess to believe in.

You say you joined buddhism for political reasons and are now becoming jaded with for institutional reasons . . . but when you speak of your meditation, it sounds like things are going well. I would suggest simply doing this and ignoring any institutional or political nonsense. Who needs vows? Why make them? Are you trying to join a community where it is required? If not, then dismiss them as they clearly do not serve the purpose you seek through the practice.

 

I've known white people who have practiced in Tibetan temples. No racism for them.

 

Thank you both for commenting in my thread. I wont for a moment claim I am correct in any of my assumptions.

 

The world is not moved by our statements political or otherwise. No matter it be piss shit vomit or blood that is spilled upon it the earth does not recoil in horror.

However our experience is justified or it's parameters metered in our own appreciation by the specifics of our own narratives. The words you speak are a reflection of how you have chosen to relate to the world. That is sensation is the reaction of your nervous system to stimulus and the information it gives is of your own constitution not the constitution of things.

At the same time reality is imperturbable and further supports it's constituents.
You can trust real things. Real things are ever safe. Anxiety then comes from the misapprehension of what is so, illusion. Our complaints are fantasies about the way things are.

Practice;
Before you provide any commentary about your situation be in an honest state of peace. If it strains you to spit out your words swallow them instead and you won't be in any violation of your will. It is not dishonest to hold your tongue and mastery is to pick and lay down at will. What you would like the world to be is how you should speak of it, not how you think it isn't how you would like it to be.

As to oaths of fidelity to one tradition or the other. As a practical matter life's proportions are indefinite. You do not have certainty behind you to make promises of that nature. To thine own self be true. Knowledge being shared, being what it is, no one is more knowledgeable than anyone one else but we can share what we know.

I used to think it necessary to fight for what is right and in this there is much sacrifice or strife, now I am greatly relieved to discover whenever I had been anxious it was because I was wrong about everything. A good teachers desire is to be no longer needed.

 

very beautiful

 

btw, though I am an asshole, I can just appreciate beauty and poetry and wisdom even though I can't act upon them. Often. But sometimes I let people merge in traffic. I think that makes me a bit better than most at dharma. Also, though so odften I want to tell someone 'fuck you' I don't. And even though my best friend is a selfish druggy piece of shit, he's really got a good heart, and so even though I want to cast him back to the ocean I apologize and get over it. Friends are so truly rare.

 

Do you really know how to: Talk right, do right, and loiter around right.

 

not really though I spend more time playing guitar than ever before and writing lyrics and playing with my parrots - that's about it - I used to be really charitable with this monk but actually I was using my wifes money. Then I realized I was stealing charity and I wasn't doing charity right. That was a difficult thing to figure out. Had to drop the monk. I know he is still mad at me. But I don't have money. So sometimes one doesn't have the right to act right.

 

buddhists get caught up in nihilism and stop acting as if anything matters

 

Is that Buddhism's fault?