I'm begging the people that post in here

I think saff got it. I was wondering about that myself....

 

hey, somethingwitty. tell me what you think of this. too cliche??

well, then...
------------
well, there is something i considered,
but i don't know..and i'm hoping not...
i guess i'd have to say that i don't.
no, i don't feel like explaining why.
why? because, i said so and that's how
it goes. if you didn't like it, then you
shouldn't have asked for it, i guess.
life is tricky, and if you slow it down
it's unbelievable the things you miss
while in sonic motion. it's incredible,
it'll spill right out in plain view to
see. see, i could never understand
why it's so hard for two people not to
hate. not to shout, and not to seperate.
but now i do. some things are unavoidable.

 

Its not cliche, but it does just sound like a young person in angst. (I'm young too, so I'm not trying to be a grumpy old guy or something haha)


You want to show, and not tell. As they say the devil is in the details, and when you just "vent" like that you lose all the little idiosyncracys (sp?) that a really good description can bring out. Its kind of like the difference between a totally one dimensional character in a book or play, and one that seems like a real, living person.



As for saffron, kidder, dragon, scorpion, etc. please, continue to argue the exact same points over and over and over again. I'm sorry, but you're not going to change my mind about this hack poetry that you guys all love. It sucks, that's the bottom line. Go to any university, send it to the NYer, try and get it published, I guarante you that everyone you talk to laughs in your face.

ripple23, if you could direct me to some of these other poets, that would be awesome. I'd like to read their work.

 

Oh, really? Please feel free to visit Amazon.com and looking for a book called 'Kiss of the White Scorpion'. Amateur.

 

Well, jackass, since you mentioned my name, I'll reply. I've been tough on a lot of poetry in here but I also try to be fair. If I like something, I'll say it. If I don't, I'll often attempt to give a reason why. And, if I do the latter, I'll also be as direct and as definitive as I can. The world of poetry is a very big place. A lot of the material in the New Yorker, the Atlantic Monthly, Harper's et al is also crap, as editors attempt to ride a new wave or shine a light on some personal favourite. Go into some issues twenty and thirty years old. Most authors surface and then disappear. Staying power? None. If poetry is anything it's power. The power to make me feel different, the power to mobilize some part of my being. I know good poetry. Yeah, that makes me as subjective as you. You're just okay. Keep reading. It's the only path guaranteed to increase your potency, your reach. And, finally, your grasp.

 

i wrote a new one. i'd like to know what you think of this, somethingwitty.

tilling flowers in a garden as a present for her,
was initially what i had had in mind
but something kind of interuppted it when she said,
"i have several vases, already."
then i began a piece of art that would be
unimaginably beautiful and just exactly
what
she
would
need
to liven up the walls of her apartment,
but she had several pieces, already.
when the car got stuck in the mud in the
middle of my safari, it made it that much
harder to obtain an exotic smiling frog so
i had
to
ditch
that idea.
i was also going to snag a lion or two,
but when i found them all, they had___
eloped and made their way to antartica for
some dinner and dancing with the tamers.
and i also believe lions are not domestic animals.
i now only have 3 more days, tomorrow
to find just the right token of affection
and if i happen to fail in my direction, travel...
i will join
an
active
geurilla
team
fit for
fighting corrupt school bus drivers__

 

Inspiring, dude. Keep it up.

 

what is a clich....pm me for the answer please im confused

 

why, thank you. i don't like the ending, really. though. it just kinda seems to get too...i dunno, unreal i guess. thanks for your feedback, though.

 

How I love the word plethora,
Sometimes I use it in Andorra.
I don't like using other words,
Cliches upset the forum's nerds,
Who are as fun as pondlife flora.

Please be gentle with my poem. It's very delicate and you musn't shake it too much.
Cliche-meter: 4 (love, like, fun, pondlife)
Number of words: 30
Overall clicheness of poem: 13%
Verdict: Safe reading. No need for a seatbelt. Just take a tablet.