Im bad at sex, what should I do?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Simon_r, Aug 21, 2013.

  1. Simon_r

    Simon_r Guest

    Ive been with my girlfriend for 10 months and she keep telling me that Im bad at sex (which I think its true). She told me what she likes and dislike a thousand time and shes loosing patience. Im still confused, i dont know what to do. I seem to go too fast when she want it slower or too slow when she wants it faster. It always take a lot pf time to make her cum and she get bored often. And a lit of time she find it too technical and uninspired.

    shes very communicative but she does not want to always guide me and I understand her. But I struggle to read her, to react properly to her body response. I feel like an unexperimented child and its frustating. I put a lot of effort into it: read a lot, bought toys, experimented new stuff, etc. I really love her and I fear our relationship might come to an end if I dont become good quickly.

    GLENGLEN Lifetime Supporter

    So Then You Decided That The Answer To Your Problem

    Was To Join HF's And Ask Us...:confused:.

    Cheers Glen.
  3. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie

    You should tell her that her worst sex is still better than her best masturbate.
    But then if you're being pressured it doesn't sound like you're having fun either.
  4. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

  5. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    What I want to ask is, how is the relationship OUTSIDE the sexual side of things? Are you guys communicating well? Is there a deep bond between you two?

    Something tells me that this is an issue that stems from a communicational flaw...

    That's just what I think, anyway.
  6. Insignia

    Insignia Member

    If she really loved you, she wouldnt want to make you feel like that...
    The longer you put up with her, the more hang ups you will have to live with...
    Your not bad, your very thoughtfull...she just needs dumping befor she does you damage...
    Go find a nice thoughtfull deserve it.
  7. Simon_r

    Simon_r Guest

    Things went well until she lost hope that I would improve. We even live together now. We have a lots of points in commons (interest in fashion and graphic design, philosophy, sports, hobby, we're both vegetarian, etc).

    I think we communicate too much actually, shes tired of talking hours about every single problems and possible solutions. She's tired of ''words'', she would like me to be a little empathic and read her sometimes instead of asking and talking.

    And for the bond, there is one but we do not know what to do about this problem so its weakening. She love me but I cant satisfy her desire (she's a very sexual person, she want sex everyday, another problem is that I cant give her the quantity). She feel that there are no solutions at this point
  8. enhancer13

    enhancer13 Senior Member

    It sounds like you are putting your best effort in and it is still not enough for her! It takes more then one person to have good sex. Maybe she should realize that and do things to make it better herself instead beating you down about it.
  9. *MAMA*

    *MAMA* Perfectly Imperfect

    I disagree with this statement. Sheesh, really??

    OP, it just sounds like sexual incompatibility to me. You said you love her, but does she love you? There's way more to sex than going faster or slower. What is it exactly about what she's telling you that you're not understanding? Also, have other people you've been with voiced the same concerns?
  10. So he says she says theres too much talking, and you reply is are you two talking properly???
  11. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    The areas you've mentioned where you have in common with her, sorry to say, don't mean much in my opinion. Well, okay, maybe philosophy..... But that alone won't get you anywhere if you two aren't communicating WELL. That's what I said, "WELL", I did NOT say OFTEN.

    There you go, you two ARE having a communicational problem! Can you deny this? She feels she's doing too much communicating without getting through to you, yes? That IS a communicational FLAW. You both have to figure out why this happens. And don't just look on the surface. DIG DEEP!!

    Maybe you two aren't even compatible after all. Have you given that one a thought even a little?

    Sorry to be blunt, but I'm drunk and I'm a total honest fucker at the moment. I also compare your situation with my own relationship and, frankly, you're having a communicational problem in my opinion. Like I said, DIG DEEP WITHIN, and try to figure out why this is happening. This is NOT just about sex. There IS more to it than far as I'm concerned.

    Good luck.
  12. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    Dude, my reply was BEFORE he said there was too much communicating.

    And even if he'd said that before I made that reply, YES, I still would have asked, "are you two COMMUNICATING properly?"

    They are NOT communicating WELL in my opinion. Communicating WELL, and simply talking to each other, are NOT the same thing. You can talk for fucking YEARS to someone, and they might not understand you. AT ALL. It has to do with how WELL you and the other person can CONNECT. That was what I was getting at.

    But, come on...... You totally knew that, didn't you? ;)
  13. LatinoHeat

    LatinoHeat Member

    She' s really not helping the situation by putting you down and not communicating with you properly. She needs to tell you how she wants it and you guys need to work it out like that.
    If that doesn't work, both of you get drunk and have drunk sex, if that doesn't work than its not you, it's her. Maybe she wants another lover or a threesome.
  14. MikeE

    MikeE Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    I don't think the goal is to assign fault, but to find a solution.

    May I offer a suggestion.
    Instead of telling you "faster" or "slower"; instead of nagging you; how about she helps you go the speed that she wants.

    If you are too slow, she can thrust her own hips as fast as she desires.
    If you are too fast, she can hold your hips into her and withdraw as slowly as she desires.

    Your part is to pay attention and let her drive when she wants to.

    She is tired of hearing your questions.
    You are tired of hearing her critique.
    Stop talking, start doing.

    If she wants to be kissed on the neck, she can stretch her neck. If you don't catch that clue, she can use her hand to guide your lips where she wants them.

    Let go of the notion that sex is the man doing things to the woman.
    Sex is both partners doing things to create a great experience. Both partners are doers.

    Your part is to pay attention. If she wants to lead, let her. Notice when she stretches her neck. Your goal is to notice that little eye flick that happens just before she realizes that she wants her neck kissed. If you can catch that eye flick, and kiss her neck just as she becomes aware that she wants it, that is when you will be a great lover.

    They way to learn good sex is to practice good sex.
    Both partners should make an effort to make each sexual experience a good one.

    Critiquing before, during or afterwards is a bad idea. It soon starts to resemble nagging.

    She needs to take responsibility for her own sexual preferences. She needs to take action.

    The two of you should learn/teach by pleasurable touch, not by talking.
  15. MasterSeal

    MasterSeal Member

    From the sound of it, I think she's bad in bed too. It's like she's not entirely sure of what she wants, and women are very different in bed; a dominant-type would consider a professional with submissive girls very bad and inexperienced.

    Start with foreplay, then finger her a lot. Screaming 'faster', 'harder' is natural in bed. If she does it then still complains, there's an issue from her side too. Let the intercourse come later. Anyway.. I have to add that it's a good thing she's honest with you; and it's a good choice you made to go and ask about it - not everyone gets an opportunity to learn how to have incredible sex before they meet their loved ones, and this could be your learning experience; make the best out of it.
  16. avdude15

    avdude15 Guest

    She has totally killed your self esteem.

    I'm a great lover - with my current GF. With others, not so much. Sometimes it comes down to chemistry between 2 people. Those who say that you should n't worry about sex so much if the rest of the relationship works are wrong - we are not rational beings, we are animals who crave good sex - and the lack of it will make us unhappy. Both you and your GF deserve better. It is time to move on. Don't stay in a bad relationship - unless you have kids (then fixing the relationship takes priority). get out now so you both can find ways to be happy.

    I doubt you are such a bad lover - more likely you are just with the wrong girl.
  17. BeachBall

    BeachBall Nosey old moo

    Just because you talk a lot, doesn't mean you're communicating.

    Indeed, the more you need to talk ... the LESS you're probably communicating.
  18. Reducted

    Reducted Member

    You could always try focusing on what YOU want in bed. Instead of worrying about her, focus on what you are doing. If she wants you to go faster, fuck her. If she wants to go slower, fuck her. Try this once or twice. It's not like she enjoys the sex anyway.
  19. kurona

    kurona Member

    simon, why dont you just bang the bitch like a slut. usually, that shuts them up... esp when they are being difficult and irritable... i know the feeling... i was so frustrated with my ex bf and i just almost wanna slap him i ohhh god just remembering it infuriates me....

    you seem so submissive to this girl. lemme guess, she barks at you and you follow. that adds to her frustration. she wont be complaining if she likes being dom, shes not from your story.

    seriously... back then... i just ended up asking him, to let me have sex with other guys. and him allowing me to, did seem to appease my hatred of the sex that i got from him.

    i got so tired ot having to explain things to him. it felt weird instructing him... it made it hard for me to submit. all the stress that has transpired, made it harder and harder for me to get turned on by him

    later ill admit, i ended up resenting him not just the sex but...

    im sorry for this post, its not helpful i think

    ill just say... show her who's the guy in bed... ... ... and cut off her bs that its not just what she wants, that theres stuff you want too and SHE should work for it. odd enough, being assertive of that has an emotional impact in sex
  20. BlackBillBlake

    BlackBillBlake resigned HipForums Supporter

    Sometimes the same man who is hopeless with one woman can be like Casanova to another.

    Same for women. One man may not deliver, another will do the job to perfection.
    There's no rules that govern this. Or if there are, we don't know them.

    There's such a thing as sexual chemistry .Don't get disheartened. Maybe you need to widen your exp.................. Just a suggestion.

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