I'm a lesbian and I have no idea what to do.

I've really tried to fit in. Really I have. I tried to be straight for such a long time- after that I claimed to be bisexual. Gone over "straight thoughts" in my head over and over but nothing works. I even almost slept with a guy once, but the moment he got his penis out I was so repulsed I called it off. The truth is that boys just don't attract me at all. I crush on girls. I find girls attractive. Going out with guys just makes me feel physically sick, I know it sounds bad. I've only ever pursued relationships with guys for the self-esteem boost of being good enough for someone, anyone. After that I'm not interested and I feel terrible. I've never met a boy I've been physically attracted to. I'm just so miserable, it feels as if I'm not being myself and I'm lying to everyone. But all my friends are straight. They know I do like girls but I can't properly talk to any of them about it. I don't have anyone to go to gay clubs with and I have no idea how to meet other lesbians. It feels so hard to be content when everyone around you is crushing on the opposite sex and you're feeling as though you have to lie to fit in. Can you suggest anything that might help me?

 

It is really hard, going in a direction that is opposite to what most of people do is not easy. But "hard" doesn't mean it's no good, sometimes I think: do I really want the classical life scheme (wife - house - car - kids) that everyone is supposed to follow? And if I had it, would I be happy? Society tells us that we need certain things to be happy, but few people understand what their inner self needs to be happy.

I'm a man, so I don't know about it, but I'm sure there are chat rooms or dating sites for lesbians. You can start talking with a girl from your area, meet her just to share your thoughts and feelings, and if it leads to something more, that's for the best.

 

Start by being honest with yourself. And it seems like you're going in that direction so that's good. Like Gallagher29 said, just because something is hard to do doesn't necessarily mean it's bad.

You remind me a LOT of myself. I was in the same position you're in now. Couldn't talk to anyone about it.. Almost had sex with a guy once but before anything could progress I honestly just said to myself "what the f*ck am I doing?" and left.

Just own it. Own your orientation. I knew I couldn't see myself in a relationship with a man. But in some strange way I couldn't accept it myself. I came out to my parents not too long ago because I felt like I had to do something to push myself over the edge so I could accept myself completely. The term "being stuck in the closet" is very accurate because I honestly felt like I stepped out after I did it. I made a big deal out of it and my parents said that it wasn't. Then I realized that it really isn't. And I felt happy.

So my advice to you is... Start with yourself. And as I'm writing this I realize that it might be a crappy advice but for me it was the core. I didn't accept it.
And if you need anyone to talk to I'd be more than happy to chat. :2thumbsup: