I'm a cutter.

i used to cut, when i was 17...i got heavy into drugs it really fucked with my head, i had to deal with all the changes of leaving high school and loosing friends and going into college
i had to deal with my past and present and future all at once....
and i was put on meds which ended up making me a hundred times worse...i didn't do it for attention, i didn't tell anyone, i did it so i could feel something
i did it so i could end the emptiness that i had fallen into...(down the street not across the road )
during that year of my life i was extremely depressed and i was slipping into insanity (lovely voices in my head)
but it's amazing how much time flies by at this point in my life, how much i can change in a matter of months, in a matter of weeks....
unless you've been there, you can't really know...
but since i've been there i've been able to help people going through it now...

it's easy to slip into depression regardless of how "good" your life may seem to others....

 

your so right there
in fact some depressions purely chemical & you could have the most amazing life..the kinda life everyone dreams of but still be depressed

sweety..u know i'm proud of u for who you are
i didnt know youd gone throuvgh all that but i had a feelin there wassomeat least in your past & just want u to know i think your doing amazing
huggggggs

 

you guys are amazing.
<3

 

I used to be terrible, from about 12 or 13 till I was 17 or so. I now have scars that I can never hide. People stare at them and I know they're uncomfortable asking what they're from. It's hard to stop. And I was in therapy the whole time too, hospitalized a few times... it's something you have to work on overcoming yourself. My therapist helped lots. There's something you can take your anger out on. You just haven't found it yet.

 

i've been cut-free for... 8 months now. i quit for my boyfriend. the fact that i'm so proud of myself and keeping a record on how long i've been cut-free is the reason i could never start back up again. i'd tried to quit numerous times before, but it took a lot to quit for good.

 

I do it every once in awhile, when things kinda go sour at home.

My stupid ass father is manic depressive and he just like leaves in the middle of the night and comes back a week later. Doesn't tell us where he's going or when he'll be gone. Just poof. Gone. Poof. Back. Gr. The last few years of my life have been like without a father. And now my rents are thinking about getting divorved because my mom can't take my dad anymore. Blah. Sounds pathetic right?

wow i ranted.

But yeah. I still do it. It just...makes me feel better. I usally can't feel it. Whatever. It seems to help a little.

 

I know what you mean, madhatter. That's the whole point, most of the time. One of the causes of cutting is that people can't deal with emotional pain, so they convert it into physical pain and that they can deal with. It's easy to put a bandaid on a cut. It's not so easy to bandage a broken soul.

 

while i've never 'cut' myself i do know what you mean by being unable to cry, and my way of dealing wasnt exactly any healthier cause i used to burn myself, just lit a candle and stick me hand in the flame and leave it there till the the smell of burnt flesh was too strong, i aint proud and i still do it from time to time now, though not as bad. but i just wanted to say i understand the inability to cry. at least from emotion, i tend to cry when i have an unbarable pain, so i may not be able to understand you completely but hey, i try *hugs*

 

Lets me release my anguish through bleeding. As far as I know, the deeper you go, the worse the scar. there are various consealers on the market.

 

I used to be a cutter and a burner... everyone who cuts or burns: try to quit as soon as possible... you'll regret it later... i mean: al those ugly scars... im covered in them and it sucks... i wish i'd never done it...

 

piratekthnx,

If you are quitting. Try the rubber band method, if you havent already.
You wear one or several (depending on your pain threshold) around your wrist and when you have the urge to cut, snap the bands as hard as possible.

The sting from that is enough to give the euphoric release that cutting gives just no blood and no wounds.
It leaves bruises but bruises heal faster than scars.

Good luck

 

Hey...
I've never cut myself before, but the past few days were so hard for me, my whole life seemed to crush...you know that feeling...
and I was really on the edge all the time but then I started to write all kinds of silly stuff in my notebook and I listened to (positive) music all the time and it really helped me.
And just by reading all you guys wrote I feel much better now.

thanks

 

Uh oh.

Better go log off rl.

 

I'm a cutter too. I've been cutting since i was about your age. I had some pretty bad psycological problems. Nervous Breakdowns, depression, shit like that. i would cut myself because i would rather feel physical instead of emotional pain. about my senior year or so, i pulled myself together and said "no more!" unfortunately the damage had already been done. my arms can tell the story. the worst part though, is i STILL cut. it's not nearly as often, but every now and then, i open up old wounds.


it would be hipocritical of me to tell you not to cut, but just keep my story in mind. i have been cutting for over 5 years, and i don't see an end to this road. just breif pit stops.

 

I used to try to cut but the knife was blunt and it never made blood - then one day I sharpened the knife and did it in the dark, thinking I'd only made about three scratches because that was all I could see in the night light. Then I switched the bathroom light on and there were about eight scratches down my arm, all really deep so I put loo roll on them to stop the blood (it was the only thing I had) but it wouldn't stop, I had to sit there for about half an hour with my arm all wrapped in paper having to change it every twenty seconds or so because the blood soaked right through. I was so shocked at what I had done I nearly passed out on the bathroom floor. After that I swore never to do it again, and so far I haven't. I didn't do it because I was depressed, and I am NOT an emo, I just want to make that very clear. It was a stupid mistake and if there was any way to undo what I had done, I would. Any closer to my wrist and the blood wouldn't have stopped at all - it still scares me to think what might have happened that night.

I sympathise entirely with everyone on here, apart from those people who just go "oh it's stupid emos and attention seekers", because you are just wrong. Carry on if it makes you feel better, but be safe and don't be a dumbass like me

 

Just stop.

Cutting is arguably a disease, similarily to any addiction. In the end though, it is simply a matter of willpower.

 

how can cutting be addicting? its physically hurting yourself....no pleasure unless u have the urge to kill yourself or somethign

 

it releases endorphins/adrenaline. substitute the word habit for addiction then.

 

adrenaline yes...endorphines no endorphines give a euphoric feeling...that doesnt happen when a normal person is cut

 

I shaved my pubes off my cock once is that like cutting yourself too - I only did it to see if masturbation felt better - it was better actually -but once I did it I felt like a part of me was missing and it got itchy so i never did it again