If you're divorced, and dating others - do you tell why your marriage ended?

I was talking with a friend of mine last week, and she said that she started dating a guy who is divorced. She asked him what happened to the marriage, and he was totally honest - he said that he cheated on his wife, and she (his wife) left him. It got me thinking, if this question comes up a lot when divorced people are dating? If you're divorced, and dating again - do people ask you why you're divorced? If you feel that you were more responsible for the marriage ending, are you up front about it? On the one hand, I think being completely open and honest is the only way to start off relationships, but at what point, is learning about people's past relationship history really all that relevant to the current relationship?

Is it fair to judge how someone might be as a potential partner, by their past mistakes?

 

Yeah of course it’s fair. If i were in that situation I would want to know and I’d also be willing to share. If someone wouldn’t tell me that would be a deal breaker

 

If I'd cheated and my husband had divorced me for it, I'd rather be the one to tell it than some other busybody that the new guy is eventually going to hear it from.

 

Well it was like this.
Marriage ended because my previous wife caught me on HF chatting to this girl called Deidre.

 

My soon to be wife reads a lot of my HF, but y'all do not know it.

 

That's a great policy, and makes a lot of sense.

That's true, and perhaps it also shows that you're willing to be truthful. If someone cheated in the past, maybe he/she learned from that mistake, and now wants to not only be truthful, but wants to show someone new that they're truthful.

lol Don't say that!

Now we know it. ^_^

 

I can just imagine saying that to Jane.
Her reply would be, "Don't tell me a pack of lies, no one would waste their time chatting to a fool like you". LMAO

 

lol

But, you don't seem like a fool.

 

We are all fools to those closest to us. The day that Jane stops calling me a fool I will be worried.
If I took you on a hot date in the reactor room of a nuclear power station, followed by a luxury cruise in the ships engine rooms, you may start calling me a fool too. LOL.

 

I think it is good to cover basic relationship history with someone when entering a new relationship. If a person spent years with someone then you cant really just leave that in the past as their ex and their relationship is who they are, what helped form them as the person they are today.

And sometimes knowing their past can throw up red flags that shouldn't be ignored. I guess because i've always parted ways amicably with my exes I usually think its a big red flag when someone has nothing good to say about their ex, it shows they cant take responsibility for their own shortcomings and are still harboring some bitter feelings. I may be abnormal with this but I take it as a good sign if someone is on friendly terms with their ex, it shows maturity and growth.

The cheater mentioned in the OP for example..it wouldn't bother me if he showed thoughtful regret ..well maybe regret isn't the right word but some sort of self reflection. but if he tried to twist it around to blame her for his cheating that would be a red flag to me.

But either way I wanna know, I dont like the feeling of being in a relationship with someone whose past is a giant void.

 

Love It......



Cheers Glen.

 

My husband left me because he couldn't keep up with my high sex drive.

 

Thanks Glen.
If I ever came to visit you down under, I would probably spend most of my time looking at the designs that I did for the equipment in the Sydney Opera House film theater.
Then you could call me a fool too.

 

Really?

 

Eww no I've never even dated a boy. Lol.

But that's what I'd tell people.

 

i'm not divorced, but 90% of women that you get to a second date with want to know your entire relationship history, so i would assume divorcees get even more scrutiny in that situation.

 

Meliai said everything perfectly, so not much to add to her answer. I'm always skeptical of a person who has all "crazy" ex's.

Thankfully, I'm not divorced, but I would expect someone to disclose that information to me, even if the truth weren't glamorous.

 

This is interesting, because I haven't always parted amicably with exes. Some, I have, but some...I think those bridges were best left burned, so I wouldn't have been tempted to go back and repeat the same mistakes with those guys. lol

I think that honesty is always best, no matter what, or with whom. I think for some people too, some historical things would be deal breakers, and that's okay. So, revealing things about your past that might be uncomfortable, shows consideration for the person you're getting into a relationship with, it shows empathy for others.

 

Really? I never really probed much into guys' pasts (about their past relationships) when dating. I feel like everyone has break up stories, and it comes down to he said/she said a lot of the time, so it's hard to judge who was in the wrong. Sometimes, no one is in the wrong, and it was just a mutual thing.

Does it bother you if women ask too much about your past, or are you okay with it? (like if you're only on a second/third date)

 

in my experience, yeah. not in too much detail or anything, but they always seem to want to know things like number of past girlfriends, length of past relationships, what kind of terms you are on with your exes, etc.

i'm not thrilled with it, but i've just kind of come to expect it. it always seems a little too soon to go into that kind of stuff to me. plus, i have dated way less than most people my age, so it kind of feels like i'm trying to make excuses for something i've done wrong, sort of like explaining large employment gaps in a job interview.