If you have some spare time - Advice please?

Ok, I wasn't going to answer this, but now I really have to.


Maggie is right...RUN AS FAST AND AS FAR as you can, otherwise it will happen just exactly as she said. Trust me. Being emotionally supportive and loving someone like this guy will bring you nothing but pain in the end. It may seem hard to let go of him now, but try doing it after you've been married for 20 years, have kids and spent a lifetime cleaning up and dealing with his problems, and then have him tell you it was all a lie.

If you really want him and he really wants to be with you he will get help for his issues BEFORE you make any sort of commitment. Otherwise don't start anything. Be his friend if you need to be, but nothing more until he sorts out his issues.

Don't be as blind and stupid as I was. You sound just like I did for the last 22 years. I wish somebody had said these things to me then. He won't change and when he does, he'll be gone, and you'll be left with his bullshit again, trying to pick up the pieces of your life.

I wish you well in whatever you decide, but please take the advice you were given here and think about it. In the end it's still your decision, but at least make it a wise one.

 

In all my 25 years this is the only guy to have ever shown an interest in me - sure I sound like a whinging 13 year old, but I am just so confused by his behaviour.

I don't know how to handle men anything beyond a friendship, I have always been one of the boys and relate well to men on a friendship level but have no idea what to do when one starts to so an interest - real or not.

My reasons for the defence of this guy are simple - he is one of my closest friends and as a friend it hurts me to hear him spoken of like this, as true as your advice may be. We have been through alot together and he has always stood by me and I by him.

I understand what you are saying so far as him treating his girlfriend badly by flirting and I need you to know that I would never persue this any further while they are together, I am just not that kind of person. Any attempts at flirting on his part are stopped very quickly.

I apologise for what has obviously come across as my being egotistical, but I just can't seem to see a light at the end of my tunnel and it gets me down.

Obviously the best thing for me to do is to keep things as they are. Continue to be his friend and ignore all his attempts to flirt etc.

Thank you all for your time and again my apologies for any nasty comments.

 

No, neither my nor cutebear comments were personal "what we thought of you" at all. You provided a situation, which for many with experience, sounded like a very bad thing waiting to happen. You ASKED for help. No one said "Yeah, he sounds like a stable great guy, go for it." BUT no one attacked YOU, personally.

Can I get personal for a minute? Low self esteem can really lead you into hellish relationships, as you feel "I deserve this." Or "No one else will love me." So you end up with a total loser who can never live up to what you need to be healthy and happy. Work on your own self esteem issuses, first, then worry about relationships. A good therapist can really give you the tools to be able to live your life in a healthy manner. There is NOTHING wrong with therapy, many people need it at certain points in your life.

Your being overweight or not being overweight has NOTHING to do with men being attracted to you. Your being down on yourself, and being self depreciating does. NO ONE here was attacking you at all. We are a pretty outspoken, opinionated bunch, and if someone asks what we think......we are going to tell them. But YOU were not being attacked personally at any time. We just didn't agree that this guy sounds like a real catch!

Look, there is probably NO decent future or happiness with this boy. He sounds self absorbed, and is WAS cheating on the girl he considered his girlfried. You don't need to have some guy cheat to get some attention. You deserve a man, wholely! And your attitude towards men and yourself will determine that.

Blessings. I hope you can find the strength to get the help and self esteem you need to be able to see what will work for you.

 

Kali,

I was harsh on you before because I saw in what you were posting myself 7 years ago. The thoughts that I had were the very same thoughts that you wrote here. I just didn't want you or any other young woman to make the same mistake I made by one getting married way too young to someone I didn't love, and two thinking that having a man made me worth something. I had to find out the hard way that I was already worth something. Quite frankly I wish someone had told me before is all.

You take care of yourself and everything will work out for you.

 

Thing is, if you ask for advice for a bad situation, you can't expect people to come back praising this guy, no matter how friendly you insist he is.

Plus, if he's got a girlfriend, but yet gets jealous when YOU mention another guy, that's no good.

 

Woah...
I think this guy is confused and if you hang with him he will confuse you too. If you want peace of mind in the future, don't try to be so "intimate" with him.