If you don't deal with anger...

yeah. and to chris too.

anger manifests itself as depression or similar or worse things often.

thing is when you are angry and turn it inwords the only person u are hurting it yourself. that's why suicide it dumb.
i had deep conversations n insights about stuff tonight.....

this is a day to be remembered...

 

Can I ask what those 4 things were or should that be on the down low? lol

I'm not against partying as long as it doesn't make me want to self destruct. Sometimes it's just too damn much. HOWEVER man it's been so long since I've needed visine I used to herb all the time. I haven't in so long sometimes I dream about it. We did used to have some great talks, probably like you did with your neighbor Lucky. The insight to a problem would come out so clear and then I could tackle it and be done with it. Reality isn't as clear and it takes so friggen long to see thru the fog sometimes but once the challenge has been met...YAHOO!!!

I did read that Lyrica has some benzodiazepines (xanax) qualities. After taking it for a couple days I'd have to agree. Most people take 2 - 3 a day. I can only handle 1. (cheap date)

Lyrica (pregabalin) will be effective for this disabling disorder. In comparison with venlafaxine, pregabalin provided more rapid relief of psychic and somatic symptoms. In comparison with alprazolam (a benzodiazepine), Lyrica (pregabalin) appeared equally effective in reducing somatic symptoms. Overall, these findings show that Lyrica (pregabalin) combines the benefits of both antidepressants and benzodiazepines. It appears at least as rapid as benzodiazepines against somatic symptoms, while providing more rapid control of psychic symptoms than antidepressants.

http://www.drugdevelopment-technology.com/projects/pregabalin/

 

Hey, I've missed you too. I honestly can say I would check in from time to time just to see how you were doing,(read some post though that does make me sound like a stalker) both of you were doing, then I'd be gone for a couple or months or do a once in while pm. I was going threw some of my own mental shit for so long I was in hiding.

This place is good for me because I do have some friends here.

Thank you for going forward with me.

:cheers2:

 

We need a group hug.

Funny how the 3 of us have never met in person however we have a history here, some learning experiences with each other, and a stronger friendship.
That's damn cool.

 

Well, I'm glad you pm'd me and stuff cause I alwayyyys liked you but I'm stubborn n stuffs. Haha.




I wish we woulda met at that show, crazy hun and you used to live like within an hour or me.


awww just read that last post, laura. i love you and lyns... yet ive battled with you both. lol. its awesome really.

oh! what four things? haha i have no idea about that but i have another one.

fill myself with love and healing and.... hate or people that hate... block them out. they dont matter.

im genius!


and yeah the conversations i had with my neighbor tonight... were so deep and real and i remember them but my attention seeking ass (haha read my other thread in full)- needs to digest it... it was intense and figure out my own thoughts on it before i talk. if i wanted attention id post.

love you guys!

 

huggles

 

I just finished reading the other thread.

That's some heavy shit. I want to comment but I don't want to come across as judgemental. I've never experienced H before however I know what an opiate addiction can be like. Powerful shit.

I have family close to me that are addicted to oxy, vics, xanax, muscle relaxers..etc...It's a bad soup. We tried to have an intervention and it backfired. 6 months later we are all talking again and healing the wounds.

So that thread....I think Dilli cares deep down inside but it comes out in anger because they've known you for so long. It's kinda like your almost family because they've posted here about as long as you have. They know your life thru your threads. Plus I think they've had battles with their own addictions though I don't know them enough to say that's a fact.

Some of Dilli's words may sting harshly. When it stings maybe rationalizing why it stings..Is there any truth to what she says? (the core of it I mean not the name calling)

One thing I have to say is her signature is damn funny.

I know you have become friends with these people but maybe some of them are not so good for you right now. They don't sound like positive influences in your life if they are feeding your head with more confusion. (H, oxy's, etc....) if you were not into any of that would you hang out with them? Could you hang out with them?

 

you totally seem zen.


i dont play or lie either.

 

btw

peanuts????

eh????






it's so good to have you back and seeming really happy.

 

yeah i just dont like the name calling.
its offensive.
ya know?

how would YOU feel if someone came at you and called you names? would you listen to their INTENTIONS or get offended? think about it. i re-read it cause i was mad confused and i do realize that she means well and that's why i did apologize for the misunderstanding but i refuse to take back what i meant... that when you name call and such and resort to childish behavior, your totally valid (possibly) viewpoints get lost.

It's a waste.

 

Today I'm happy. I never know what tomorrow brings. lol

I have to take my boys to swimming lessons. I'll be back in a little while.

Do you have plans today? Are you working? If not did you get some sleep last night? Me and my questions...

Be back soon!

 

I'd be very offended. Name calling is not productive. Plus reading it makes it worse because you can't see the persons face. They could have a completely different compassionate tone but you wouldn't hear it because it's in writing.

I agree...the view points get lost because the person feels hurt and attacked. Then to have it on a public forum...it's not even a 1 on 1 conversation.

 

my neighbor i have known for six years.

he gives me oxys and not a lot. just when im in pain. i hung out with him a LOT totally sober so yes to him. the other two im not sure. i would though. i like them truly and that is what is sad about it. im more worried about THEM then me. they get sick n stuff but they are good people and i love them and i know its dumb but i cant hate them for being addicts. ya k know? i just get along with them and i want to actually help them.


now about dilli... good insight. i just think she thinks she is being REAL but there is a difference and a line between REAL and HARSH.

But it's no big deal.. I'm truly over it

And Dill,if you read this.. thank you

I dont know, i guess that's it for now

 

it's offensive and wrong but that is the way some people react. im learning to understand just because i have basic manners down doesn't mean everyone does. It doesn't make them bad people. It just means you get misunderstood and some people pride themselves on being loud and obnoxious and you know,.... over the top. I pride myself on being concise and articulate.

It's just sad when people with good intentions resort to childish behavior while calling someone else names that don't even fit the mold and think they will be taken seriously.

 

me?

i think im smoking with my friends.

and sleeping.

i did not sleep. haha.

i wanna go to swimming lessons! i love swimming!

im not working but im looking for a job. its just hard having a drug charge and three years of wasted school cause i wont play their game. pm if you want details.

 

anger when not dealt with infiltrates every aspect of ones life. I have been there. Not only does it affect all of our other emotions , it affects our behaviours and our own health. Yes right down to where you feel like you are dying, because in fact in many ways you are. (you as in a person, not you specifically).

Releasing anger can not and should not manifest itself into self destructive habits, often times it does simply because we have no other ideas or ways to do so and we unleash it upon ourselves. It is simply the easiest way we can figure out or think we can figure out to deal with such things which in turn manifests into other bigger and worse things.

i was an angry youngun, i will be the first to say that i was and i took many turns in life where i ought to have stayed on the path,,, instead i chose to internalize absolutely everything and turn it inward. The inward turn then manifests into worse behaviours and actions eventually turning our life into one big giant cloud filled friggin mess. We lose sight of reality and our own inner turmoil becomes our truth when in reality it is nothing close to anything real. It becomes our own crazy fantasy land filled with our skewed thought, behaviours and actions. It is not much different than a mental patient whose world is filled with such craziness there perception of reality is all that they see and everyone else is messed up. This is where our lives become filled with nothing but lie upon lie,,, in our own head it is truth and factual and no one is going to tell us differently until we are ready to take some major steps in order to change the course of the vicious cycle..

WE cant change the world ,,, we can but change our self and our realities within that world, however one must commit to changing that wholeheartedly. It takes strength and standing up for one self and holding steadfast in doing what is the right thing for ourself .. doing what is right for ourselves however does not mean that you are going to be able to please anyone other than ourself ,, but until we can be pleased with oneself we can not please or be anything to anyone else .

Sometimes it means completely stepping away from what our reality is. It may mean leaving family and friends behind and beginning a whole new life where you can start from scratch and be yourself and what you want to be. It may mean simply making decisions and standing by them. It can entail all sorts of different decisions, but it all begins with you and ends with you and then learning or relearning how to deal with situations as they arise. We dont always hold strong and we may falter in our journey and that is to be expected and is ok but we still have to have a level of commitment in order to keep on chugging along.. AS time passes and we learn how to deal with everything in a much healthier fashion it does become easier eventually. It all begins to work itself out and we grow and learn as we continue... sometimes all we need is a good swift kick in the ass to get us going and sometimes we have to follow the life of destruction we create for ourselves.. It is all self created, no one can make us feel anything we do not allow them too.. Anger is an emotion and emotions are one of the few things in life that our truly ours.... WE just have to learn or relearn what we do with them and how they affect us...

does that make a lick of sense ? i had to go feed critters in middle and sort of lost my train of thought...

 

i had to read the last paragraph like three times but to answer you're question.... it made more then sense. it made too much sense. it is all stuff i know- im not dumb, i mean it. i just can be weak or human... but yeah!--- some of that stuff you wrote, it was soooo wise that wow... you blew my mind.


im not even sure what to say but ill reread it later. itll make me think.

 

If I suppress anger it comes out in tears or verbal abuse. When I suppress sadness it comes out in violent anger. I'm sure it's why I'm an emotional wreck. I like to pretend I'm an emotionally strong person, and I am far from it.

Eventually I believe I'm going to go crazy, resulting to kidnapping people and hiding them in my basement.

 

I just had to say before I left.

Try not hiding your emotions.


Both of us.